Bachelorette Power Rankings - Week 3 - Bromancing the Stone

Well last week was interesting. Some weird dates (I'm looking at you, creepy haunted room thing from Saw) and some weirder people (we will forever miss you and your heart of a warrior, Tony) left us with another uneven episode that ended WITHOUT a freaking rose ceremony for the second week in a row. Instead we were treated to an ungodly amount of time allotted to a (potentially producer faked) bromance between Clint and JJ. Weird.

The "eyes of a child" (© TONY THE HEALER) concentrating meticulously on the ever fragile bonsai.

Either way, we did say goodbye to a crop of guys so we have our first score update for this season. And wouldn't you know it, I'm losing again to Chase. 

The current score stands at 69-61 in favor of Chase (if you're playing along at home, the extra three points for each of us comes since we both correctly predicted that Kaitlyn would be this season's Bachelorette). Still time to catch up but I've got an unfortunate 8 point hole to dig out of.

The Rules: We will rank the remaining Bachelorette contestants. Points will be awarded each week based on how well each of us predict the contestants going home. For example, if Josh puts CONTESTANT A in spot 7 and Chase puts CONTESTANT A in spot 10 and CONTESTANT A goes home, Josh will get 7 points and Chase will get 10. 
The winner will be based on the player with the most points at the end of the season (this ain't golf, folks). I've lost three straight seasons. Chase is going down.

POWER 5: We will mark our Power 5 choices with a * so you can keep track of how well we predicted from the start. Josh has all 5 in play. Chase is down to 4 after Bradley's exit in Week 1.

1. Shawn B, 28, Personal Trainer, Windsor Locks, CT - Shawn B maintains his lead this week and as far as I can tell, this is his spot until someone else (or Nick V) claims it. Again, he’s normal and apparently looks like Ryan Gosling. Which again, is apparently a good thing. In a TV show full of crazy, you have to have a Shawn B. 
2. Ben H, 26, Software Salesman, Denver, CO - In what was the most adorable errr…  awkward ummm… impressively cute couple minutes of the episode, Ben H somehow managed to make sex ed. romantic to his on-looking potential lover. 
3. *Ben Z, 26, Entrepreneur, San Jose, CA - Tough week for Ben Z, primarily because, despite not dropping in the rankings, he is no longer the front runner in the “People Named Ben” contest.  Ben actually jumps two spots this week because of his one-on-one. Can we talk about how originally the passcode for their password had to be 6 letters, but it ended up being “roses” (that’s 5 letters for those of y’all keeping track at home)? Anyway, he kept Kaitlyn away from her avian-aversion and escaped one of the strangest dates of all time. 
4. Chris "Cupcake," 28, Dentist, Nashville, TN - The fact that Kupah referenced Chris as “Cupcake” is just amazing. The guys call him Cupcake. What a stellar nickname. I’d put Chris higher (probably #2) but the Ben’s seemed to really cement themselves for this week, at least. Watch out for Chris making a move up the rankings next week. 
5. *Ian, 28, Executive Recruiter, Los Angeles, CA - I still really like Ian. I’m keeping him in my top 5 because he’s got the swagger & the confidence. He’s going to get a one-on-one eventually and his whole (crazy scary and super motivational) story is going to come to light. 
6. Joe, 28, Insurance Agent, Columbia, KY - We’ve got 2 downhome country men: Joe and Joshua. Joe has been (moon) shining and literally ballin’ out (see what I did there?). 
7. Jared, 26, Restaurant Manager, Warwick, RI - Have I made a “He went to Jared” joke yet this season? No? Not yet? See… it’s funny because Jared’s is a jewelry store where you can buy engagement rings. And this show is all about the pursuit of love. 
8. Justin, 28, Fitness Trainer, Naperville, IL - Truth be told, I don’t really remember much about Justin. But the one thing that stuck out is that he seems to be a voice of reason. He seems rational and calls it like it is with JJ/Clint (more on that soon). He’s staying out of the drama for now, it seems. 
9. *Joshua, 31, Industrial Welder, Kuna, ID - To answer Tony’s question: Joshua would make the best elephant noises at the zoo. And also… Tony is from St. Louis. And the zoo there is pretty nice. And free. So I can’t really blame him for the suggestion. 
10. Ryan B, 32, Realtor, Wellington, FL - We’ve now reached the point where anyone below this ranking could get sent home. Literally anyone. It’s too risky to put JJ this high, even though I think he’s safe for another week. No one stands out though, so if you’re still reading, I’d probably just skim these next few. 
11. Tanner, 28, Auto Finance Manager, Kansas City, MO - Still caught up on the fact that he gave Britt tissues. Nothing else to add. 
12. Corey, 30, Investment Banker, New York, NY - Longest lasting Cor(e)y on this season’s Bachelorette. Well played. 
13. Jonathan, 33, Automotive Spokesman, Detroit, MI - There’s just no chance Jonathan sticks around much longer. He’s still into Britt and there’s absolutely no connection between him and Kaitlyn. Send him home. 
14. JJ, 32, Former Investment Banker, Denver, CO - My gut is saying JJ is good for another week, but it’s tough to say how this whole JJ/Clint situation is going to play out. Out of disdain for the producers playing up what (I think) is nothing more than a contrived viewership plotline, I’m putting JJ in spot 14. 
15. *Clint, 27, Architectural Engineer, Chicago, IL - Villains gon’ Vill, Bro.

1. *Shawn B, 28, Personal Trainer, Windsor Locks, CT - I think it’s more impressive to snag a group date rose than a one-on-one date rose so Shawn B. is staying right at the very top. He may not look as good as Ryan Gosling but Kaitlyn seems to be falling Crazy, Stupid, in Love with him.
2. *Ben H, 26, Software Salesman, Denver, CO - A solid job explaining an awkward kiss to the elementary school kids child actors and a charming rooftop kiss to secure the second group date rose. Ben H. has arrived, ladies.
3. Ben Z, 26, Entrepreneur, San Jose, CA - I’m not a huge fan but Kaitlyn sees something in him. He got the coveted one-on-one date last week and somehow managed to refrain from saying that the Saw-inspired date was the dumbest thing he’d ever done in his life (the picture of Britt as one of the clues? SMH). Snagged a rose and is safe for a while.
4. *Ian, 28, Executive Recruiter, Los Angeles, CA - I was a little wary about Ian after his aggressiveness in Week 1. But he really is the Sir Jorah to Kaitlyn’s Daenerys – her champion to the end (you know, other than the spying on her for years without her knowing – dude, Sir Jorah, what happened, bro?). He probably won’t end up with her in the end but he seems like a stand-up dude.
5. Jared, 26, Restaurant Manager, Warwick, RI - It was a blink and you'll miss it moment at the end of last week's episode but JARED SHAVED THE AWKWARD FACIAL HAIR. REJOICE. For that alone, he maintains a spot in the Top 5.
6. *Joshua, 31, Industrial Welder, Kuna, ID - He performed admirably on the prank elementary school date despite implying that he learned about the birds and bees from the cows and the bulls. Seems like a good guy. He played the potentially dangerous tattle-tale role at the end of last week’s episode but should be safe for a while.
7. Joe, 28, Insurance Agent, Columbia, KY - He let it all hang out last week. No, literally. His sumo diaper mawashi wasn’t quite tight enough to keep things in place during the first group date. But props to him for taking it in stride and props to Kaitlyn for laughing it off.
8. Ryan B, 32, Realtor, Wellington, FL - Good but not the best during the sex education date. Should be safe with a couple of duds (see below) flailing at the bottom.
9. Chris "Cupcake," 28, Dentist, Nashville, TN - I love that the nickname is sticking. And I only hope he wins so that Kaitlyn has to say, “Cupcake, will you accept the final rose?”
10. Tanner, 28, Auto Finance Manager, Kansas City, MO - I don’t know what to think about Tanner so I’ll simply remark that his first name is the last name of the family from Full House and Fuller House (minus MICHELLE WTF?) is out on Netflix in early 2016.
11. *Justin, 28, Fitness Trainer, Naperville, IL - Just a terrible POWER 5 pick. He may be safe this week but he isn’t going far in the long run.
12. Corey, 30, Investment Banker, New York, NY - You are so boring. Go home.
13. Jonathan, 33, Automotive Spokesman, Detroit, MI - I bet he wishes he’d pulled a Brady and gone after Britt. Not long for this show.
14. JJ, 32, Former Investment Banker, Denver, CO - What a turd.
15. Clint, 27, Architectural Engineer, Chicago, IL - He says he only wants a rose to hang out with JJ. I suspect it’s also that he wants to keep appearing on TV. SEE YA, BRO.