Joyful JoJo the Bachelorette - Week 4 POWER RANKINGS

So the last Bachelor Power Rankings post (two weeks ago before the dramatic double episode) was super short (due to my huge procrastination in getting it up). But I kind of got the impression that our regular readers (THANK YOU TO WHOEVER YOU ARE) kind of liked just getting straight into the rankings with no frills. So instead of an intro and a recap of all the rules and explanation of the scoring and a reminder about what the POWER 5 is each week, I thought we should stick with short and to the point.

If you want a recap of the rules, an explanation of scoring or the info on the POWER 5, I'll post a separate entry and link to it starting next week.

Totallllllllllllly normal way of knocking on a door.

Otherwise, without further ado, here is the latest score plus our updated rankings (* denotes our DEEP DIVE POWER 5 picks from before Week 1, ** denotes our TINDER POWER 5 picks from before Week 1 and *** indicates the person was in both of the above POWER 5 lists).

Last week we said goodbye to Ali, Nick B., Christian and Chad (we think).

The Score (So Far):

Chase - 34
Josh - 49

WEEK 4 POWER RANKINGS
 

1. James Taylor - James Taylor took The Bachelorette world by storm last Monday night. His adorable guitar-player two-stepped his way to the top of the rankings this week. While his one-on-one date was, as the kids say, “fire”, he stepped up his game playing football. Not only did he get injured, but HE KEPT PLAYING LIKE A MADMAN. Dude was so wrapped up he looked like King Tut. But kept playing. Hopefully after passing concussion protocol. James Taylor takes first place for his gentle dancing, smooth guitar prowess & reckless disregard for medical safety. And because two loyal readers sent me a note saying James Taylor reminded me of them. But mostly the first part. But definitely some of the second part.
2. **Luke - So let’s set aside the sheer amount of clichés that came out of Luke’s mouth on the 1-on-1. (Don’t we all live for those moments that make the hairs on our neck stand up? Don’t we all get those feelings by looking into JoJo’s eyes?). The dude has a great story, personable, and seems to have a bit of a bad-boy side to him. JoJo digs it.
3. ***Chase - Started from the bottom now he’s here! Chase makes a BIG jump from last week into the top 3. Judging from The Twitter World, everyone seems to love Chase. And let's be real: Chase's 1-on-1 was lights out. I think he is a legitimate contender & would be pretty surprised if he doesn't get to hometowns. And his name. I mean, damn.
4. *Jordan - Did you all know Jordan played football? If he tells us one more damn time about his old glory days…
5. Wells - Ball security, Wells. He’s not the most athletic guy, but he seemed to be positively contributing to the team. UNTIL ON THE GAME DECIDING PLAY HE LET THE BALL GET RIPPED OUT OF HIS HANDS. Rule #1 of The Bachelorette: Never let another man take the football from you when a date with JoJo is on the line. Or maybe Rule #1 is don’t be Chad. Either way, we’re working on the official Bachelorette Rule Book. And it’s definitely in there.
6. Alex - It is tough to say, but Alex won. Alex won for America. (But did he actually? Wouldn’t we all have benefited with another few weeks for Chad?). Alex will stick around a few more weeks, but he’s not the one for JoJo. That said, he still has half of a 2-on-1 left to go with JoJo. I’m interested to see what his personality actually shakes out to be. I don’t know what he’ll talk about. Maybe he’ll just eat sweet potatoes. 
7. Derek - Derek came up big in the football game. And he still looks like Jim Halpert. So it was a good week for him. I wish he had put something of Chad’s in a Jello mold. But alas, we’ll have to just keep tweeting references from The Office during the show. No complaints on my end.
8. **Grant - Free fallin’! Grant, who has officially been called Squidward on national television, just couldn’t get any traction this week. 
9. Robby - 9th ranked in this week’s rankings, but just nothing substantive to say. He swims? So I mean. I guess he’ll do well on a pool party date?
10. Evan - NEVER POKE A MAN IN HIS BELLY BUTTON, OKAY? 
11. Vinny - Why is Vinny still around? We could’ve had another week of discussing how much we hate Chad. Thanks, Vinny.
12. James F - I’m sure James F. is a perfectly nice guy and he may stick around a few more weeks. But really, he’s just a good place holder. 
13. Daniel - One thing we know for sure about The Bachelorette: A villain’s wingman can only be as good as the villain himself (add it to the rule book). Daniel positioned himself early on as the drunk and then the villain’s hype man…but then he was all like “Hey Chad, maybe don’t be like Hitler.” But it was too late, Daniel is inextricably linked to being Hitler’s drunk friend. That is not a good look.

1. *Jordan – Dude absolutely crushed it as all-time QB during the group date at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh. As he put it, he was “dropping dimes out there” and “picking defenses apart.” The competition was… questionable. But JoJo was impressed enough to give him the group date rose. And I’m impressed enough to give him the top spot.
2. **James Taylor – I fear he may ultimately end up in the “friend-zone” but for now, no reason not to keep him near the top (he had a great 1-on-1 on the first of the two episodes last time). Plus he played like a true NFLer during the group date challenge – with an obvious concussion!
3. *Luke – His 1-on-1 with JoJo was HOT (tub). A big move up for the Texan.
4. ***Wells – He’s playing the long game. And as such, he will remain in my Top 5 until he does something that warrants a huge move down. Keep those wheels (and records) spinning.
5. Alex – His conversation in the woods with Chad was so strange, I could barely comprehend what was going on. Amazingly, not only did JoJo decide to keep Alex and send Chad home on the 2-on-1 date, she seemed overjoyed to choose Alex and was canoodling and kissing him like crazy. Even still, Alex doesn’t have staying power. He will be gone well before the end.
6. **Chase – JoJo listed Chase as one of the guys who has made a good impression so far when talking to Ben Roethlisberger. That’s a good sign since she only listed a handful of other guys.
7. **Derek – A bold move confronting Chad Bear in the house but got out of there unscathed. And I think Chase first alerted me to this but HOW MUCH DOES DEREK LOOK LIKE JIM HALPERT FROM THE OFFICE???
8. Grant – Quiet week for the firefighter. For now, he will stay nice and steady in the middle.
9. James F. – There’s only room for one James on this season. And you are not it. You didn’t even sustain a nasty head injury for JoJo. SMH
10. Robby – The “girlfriend back home” tease during the season preview after Episode 1 still has me worried. And since he hasn’t particularly impressed, I don’t mind keeping him this low anyway.
11. Evan – Has this guy ever worn sports clothes before? Move it along, brah.
12. Vinny – Dude. Who are you?
13. Daniel – It’s truly amazing that despite his embarrassing performance on the first night that he is still around. But perhaps he’s emulating fellow Canadian Justin Bieber who turned things around after peeing in a mop bucket to release a pretty universally acclaimed album. Ehhhhhh, on second thought, probably not.

Joyful JoJo the Bachelorette - Week 3 POWER RANKINGS

I'm going to be straight with you all. I procrastinated like hell on this blog post. But we didn't want to leave you hanging. So I'll cut out the usual spiel about rules and whatnot and get straight into the rankings for this week. Just in time for the episode!

Devour these rankings like Chad devours lunch meat.

POWER RANKINGS

1. Jordan - This is Jordan’s competition to lose & I just don’t see it happening. He’s got the confidence, the connection and most importantly…the best couple name with JoJo. You can’t tell me that #JoJoJordan doesn’t have a great ring to it.
2. Wells - Wells made a power move: He almost fainted. This is classic Bachelorette 101. Get the medical staff paying attention to you, Get the girl paying attention to you. I heard from a reader from Nashville last week that says she listens to Wells’ radio program regularly. She thinks he has a pretty good chance. So I’m giving him the coveted two spot.
3. Grant - After last week’s fire competition, it is clear that Grant makes JoJo want to stop, drop and roll. No one can extinguish Grant’s performance and top 3 standing.
4. James Taylor - I just love that this dude is named James Taylor. His songs are catchy and he reminds me of Andy Dwyer.
5. Luke - If I had a dollar for how many times I talk about our power rankings, I’d have a maybe a couple dollars a week. This past week, everyone was really excited about Luke. I don’t get it. But out of respect for our loyal readers, I’ve included Luke in the top 5.
6. Derek - At first I didn’t see it. BUT NOW EVERYTIME I SEE HIM I SEE JIM HALPERT. If this is some elaborate announcement of Netflix launching another season of The Office, I’ll be the happiest. But either way, I can keep hoping for Derek and JoJo to be the new Jim & Pam.
7. Nick B. - Saint Nick is playing the long game. He’s my dark horse for the season, but if he doesn’t start getting more screen-time, he’ll be out of luck.
8. Ali - Let’s just be real. His piano skills are solid, but maybe he could’ve done some John Legend or something. In a reality TV series with a guitarist named James Taylor, you must step up your game.
9. Christian - The bathtub thing in the bloopers was more than a little weird. But JoJo seemed to dig it. So. There’s that.
10. Chad - So here’s my dilemma. I feel like Chad may go home this week…BECAUSE HE’S GOING TO PUNCH SOMEONE. But in this new-fangled world of people liking “honesty”, maybe I’ve got this all wrong. Either way, Chad is getting JoJo’s attention. My gut is he survives Monday night’s episode, but I worry that after Tuesday we may be living in a post-Chad Bachelorette world. May the lunch meats never die. I’m still working on my Chad-is-Donald-Trump analogy, so if we get Chad back again next week, I’ll have that ready to roll. It’ll be good.
11. Chase - My namesake didn’t get a date last week, but that may be a good sign for this week’s date cards. He needs to take advantage of any opportunities he gets before it is too late.
12. Alex - The Chad-Alex drama is pretty solid & I’m excited to see how it ends up. But it probably ends with Alex still being short and Chad eating a turkey leg wrapped in bacon.
13. James F - The loser of this season’s same-name challenge, James F. will never be James Taylor.
14. Robby -  I don’t even know who Robby is.
15. Vinny - Meh.
16. Daniel - Every villain needs a wing man. And Daniel is the ultimate villain hype man. Daniel and Chad are the best bromance since JJ & Clint. And I still love that HE’S A PROFESSIONAL CANADIAN.
17. Evan - lol.

 

1. James Taylor - He's strumming all the right chords. And a group date rose during a tough group date gets him the top spot this week.
2. Wells - If you get a group date rose on the first group date of the season, you are sticking around for the long haul.
3. Jordan - He's a born winner (except for the whole business of losing in pro football) so he's staying near the top.
4. Derek - He got the first one-on-one so even though I don't want to, I'm putting him in the Top 5 for now for that reason alone.
5. Grant - He impressed on the firefighter group date but didn't snag the group date rose. That's enough to stick around for a bit but I predict their fire will be extinguished sooner rather than later.
6. Chase – Good, strong name = good, strong spot (totally not pandering to the competition).
7. Luke - Good performance in the first group date and he's still from Texas. That's enough to earn him a Top 10 placement.
8. Alex - Never use your time with The Bachelor/Bachelorette to talk about another contestant. Alex is dangerously close to being "that guy."
9. Ali – He’s a bartender so perhaps he can use his superior conversational skills to woo JoJo if he gets the chance. That or he can always get a free drink on the house.
10. James F. – He doesn’t hold a candle to the other James.
11. Robby - The preview after Episode 1 says you are the one with the potential side girlfriend. So I've got to keep you this low in case that happens to surface this week.
12. Nick B. – Frankly, his name is just too close to Nick V. for me to be comfortable with him around in Week 3.
13. Christian - Brah. If Chad doesn't know who you are and America doesn't know who you are, chances are you haven't caught JoJo's eye either.
14. Vinny – Never trust a barber with the world’s worst haircut.
15. Chad - Chad is a ham and is the most recent flavor of the week villain. I don't have him last because he did charm JoJo with pictures of the dog he inherited from his mother who passed (plus villains never go home this early). But his journey to love with JoJo will be cold (cuts) in the end.
16. Evan - His chances are limp.
17. Daniel - Consistently giving Canadians a bad rap since Week 1. Time to head home, eh?

Joyful JoJo the Bachelorette - Week 1 POWER 5 Preview

Spring has sprung and love is in the air. JoJo begins her journey to love TONIGHT.

Your Bachelorette this season, ladies and gents.

And you know what that means – Chase and I are back at it again (with the white Vans) with our weekly Power Rankings of the men competing this season (i.e. who we think has the best chance, week to week, to win JoJo’s heart). But since there are so many guys to start, we are previewing the season with our POWER 5.

We'll be back next week with our first set of Power Rankings and an explanation of the competition rules for all of you newbies.

But for now, the POWER 5. For those of you not familiar from previous seasons, the POWER 5 are the five men each of us thinks has the best shot at making the actual final 5. We have a pretty good track record and both of us usually get one or two right. So this season, we wanted to add something a little bit more fun.

Normally, the rankings are based on the bios ABC provides before the season. We will continue to do that. Those picks will be known as our DEEP DIVE POWER 5.

But this season, we are trying something a little trickier. We will simply look at the photos of the men that ABC has provided and choose what we are calling the TINDER POWER FIVE (copyright, Chase). We will attempt to "swipe right" the final five men of the season using nothing but the contestant photos and their names. Should be interesting.

And just to be upfront, neither of us read spoilers. Remember - spoilers suck.

We’ll get into scoring the DEEP DIVE POWER FIVEs and TINDER POWER FIVEs next week when we go over the rules of the rest of the competition. So without further ado, here are our picks:

TINDER POWER 5

Chad

Give a guy some hair gel, light facial hair and some pomade and you’re in the Bachelor Power Rankings Tinder POWER 5.

Chase

Honestly, I picked Chase without even knowing his name was Chase. 

Grant

Y’all. At first glance I thought this was the ‘mug shot model.’ It isn’t. Maybe next season. 

James S.

Part goober. Part best friend from down the street. James S. just might have it all.

Luke

This guy could almost certainly be a creep with no personality. Or he could be the winner. But probably the former, not the latter.

DEEP DIVE POWER 5

Chad, 28, Luxury Real Estate Agent

I really didn’t want to include Chad, but WHAT IF he actually is the Chad? What if the producers of this glorious television show didn’t actually make up the ex-boyfriend named Chad from last season? What if they cast him? WHAT IF HE IS A HUNK THAT ACTUALLY LOVES THE NOTEBOOK? These questions lingered through the my arduous decision making process and have led me to include him in my POWER 5.

Chase, 27, Medical Sales Rep

Let’s start with the most obvious. After years of watching people with standard names dominate the search for love on reality TV, we’ve finally broken through: Chase is on The Bachelorette. For the record, this is Chase’s competition to lose. He’s a medical sales rep with a lion tattoo on his left rib. I like his chances early on.

Jordan, 27, Former Pro Quarterback

Former professional quarterbacks have a history of success on this glorious television franchise. Word on the street is that this guy has a pretty famous brother, so look for a repeat of Josh Murray’s run from Andi’s season. And y’all his answer to the wildest thing he’s ever done in the bedroom is certifiably hilarious. (And totally safe to read while you’re at work. Go look at it now.)

Nick S., 26, Software Salesman

I don’t really feel good about this pick. Or really any of my picks, truthfully. But something about Nick S. feels right. Maybe that he isn’t Nick V.? I scrolled past Nick S. originally, but found myself coming back to him. Maybe it is his dreamy eyes. OR THE FACT THAT HE CHASED A DAMN MOUNTAIN LION. Either way. Nick is my dark horse pick for the season. Actually, that’s Sal. Okay. I have 2 dark horses.

Sal, 28, Operations Manager

I’m basing this on one thing and one thing only: his answer to his 3 items on an island. Cell Phone, Air Conditioner and a Gun. I live in Texas these days and have learned just how much my fellow Texas residents enjoy air conditioners and guns. JoJo, a Texan, would almost certainly agree.

TINDER POWER 5

Chase 

Pros: Great name, perfectly coiffed hair, impressive smile. Cons: Strange v-neck, dazed gaze into the distance, largest forehead in human history.

Derek 

He’s giving me Shawn B. vibes in his photo (the winner of Kaitlyn’s season) so despite his smarmy name (sorry to all the Dereks who read this blog), I’m going to give him a spot.

James Taylor 

If he can croon like the real James Taylor, he might make JoJo forget all about the unfortunate Andrew Luck neck-beard he’s rocking.

Wells 

Odd name but I’m looking at the outfit which is so different from the other contestants, you can’t help but wonder if he will stand out in a good way for JoJo.

Will

He’s got a bit of a dopey look and a v-neck bordering on a scoop neck but there’s something about his picture that makes me think he’s going far.

DEEP DIVE POWER 5

Jordan, 27, Former Pro Quarterback

Jordan lists humor as one of his best attributes. While this normally makes me wary, he doesn’t disappoint in his answers. Not only does he pick The Princess Bride as one of his favorite movies (excellent choice), he has hands down the best response I’ve ever read for the “wildest thing you’ve done in the bedroom” question. His answer: “Try to hang a TV on the wall without directions or a stud finder.” If he’s half as funny in real life, he could be a real contender.

Luke, 31, War Veteran

Let’s get this out of the way, first. Dude looks BUSTED in his cast photo. But maybe he just sucks at taking pictures. Based on one of the only video previews we have for the season, he rides in on night 1 on a “unicorn.” That takes guts. It’s terribly cheesy but a serious contender can always overcome a night 1 faux pas of this proportion. The good news – It allows him to naturally drop the “Oh I ride horses – I’m from Texas.” line that leaves JoJo super curious for more. This is a longshot but I’m doubling down.

Nick S., 26, Software Salesman 

Here’s the deal. This guy has a look that screams “D-BAG.” He’s wearing a bandana around his neck (?!) in his cast photo. But if you look closely at his responses, he has attributes that are clear musts for a contestant that wants to make it far. 1. Vague career: check (software salesman). 2. Good movie choice: check (The Sandlot). 3. Wants to be a dad: check (he wants many, many kids). If he impresses on the first night, he’s going far.

Sal, 28, Operations Manager

I honestly don’t know anyone named Sal. Will JoJo want to marry a “Sal?” Hard to say. What if people think she's marrying a "Sally?" But he does seem pretty normal (the most outrageous thing he’s done is egg a teacher’s house). And he seems to dislike the Kardashians, which is a huge plus from me. Perhaps it will be with JoJo as well.

Wells, 31, Radio DJ

Pros: He seems well traveled and adventurous (a must for the outrageous “dates” contestants endure throughout the season). He seems to have a real job (radio DJ). He lists a pretty fun date as a “great first date” (tacos, wine and cheese on the porch, a walk around the city). He’s looking to settle down (he’s 31 and wants kids in 5 years). 

Cons: He doesn’t like pizza. I REPEAT. HE DOESN’T LIKE PIZZA. Pizza. Also known as the greatest food item in the world. The only upside to this SERIOUS con is that he is self-aware enough to know this it's f***ing weird that he doesn't like pizza.

Ben H. for Bachelor - Week 10 Power Rankings (The FINALE!)

28 women entered. Two remain. After 10 weeks (11 if you count last week’s Women Tell All special), we’ve reached the end of Ben’s journey. And tonight he chooses the woman he wants to make his wife (until he realizes he proposed to someone he dated for a total of 73 hours).

Expect some tears from this dude tonight.

Will it be Lauren B.? Or will it be JoJo? Check out our analysis below!

POWER RANKINGS

The Rules: We will rank the remaining Bachelor contestants. Points will be awarded each week based on how well each of us predict the contestants going home. For example, if Josh puts CONTESTANT A in spot 7 and Chase puts CONTESTANT A in spot 10 and CONTESTANT A goes home, Josh will get 7 points and Chase will get 10.

The winner will be based on the player with the most points at the end of the season (this ain't golf, folks).

CNN is officially calling this head to head match-up before tonight’s finale. Chase will take his fifth straight Bachelor Power Rankings Crown. The scores heading into tonight’s episode:

Chase: 179.5

Josh: 173

But even with a winner in the books, we’re still bringing you our final rankings of the season below!

1. Lauren B., 25, Flight Attendant, Marina Del Rey, CA – Lauren B. might as well change her name to Queen B. She’s been the reigning #1 in my rankings since February 1 (and Josh’s since January 25!). While Ben has been a stellar Bachelor - I mean, outside of the whole falling in love with two girls thing, but whatever - this season has been telegraphed to the core. Ben says he’s in love with two girls… but let’s be serious. Lauren B. has been “the one” for a while. Here’s hoping Neil Lane takes care of our Boy Ben with a good ring and Lauren B. and Ben fly into their future non-reality TV show lives together. Lauren is here for the right reasons… and Lauren is going home with an engagement ring tonight.
2. JoJo, 24, Real Estate Developer, Dallas, TX – I guess Ben had to keep someone. So it might as well be JoJo. I don’t really understand him professing his love for her, but it makes for good television, I suppose. Here’s the thing with coming in 2^nd place on The Bachelor. It doesn’t guarantee you a damn thing. She might take solace in the fact that she has a shot at The Bachelorette… but I just don’t see it happening. Let’s look back at the last three seasons: Becca, Clare, and Lindsay (who?). So the upside is you get to make another appearance on a future season, but you really aren’t even eligible for Bachelor in Paradise. The downside is even the show’s most loyal bloggers forget about you within the next 6 weeks.

1. Lauren B., 25, Flight Attendant, Marina Del Rey, CA – She’s been the front-runner for a while now and I have no reason to believe anything will change tonight. Expect Lauren B. to be sporting a NEIL LANE ORIGINAL after Ben drops to one knee and promises to spend the rest of his life with her. That is, until they actually try dating in the real world. After that, it’s anyone’s guess. Let’s take a moment to consider how amazing her achievement is: she was one of FOUR Lauren’s in the house. Not only did she outlast the others (TOTAL posers), she’s going to win the whole thing. Kudos to the editors for making it seem like JoJo had any kind of a chance. But she will stay a single lady (for now) and Lauren (Queen) B.(ey) will run this world.
2. JoJo, 24, Real Estate Developer, Dallas, TX – I can only feel so bad for JoJo. Yes she will lose tonight and take the limo ride of shame while fantasizing about what kind of insanely large ring Ben might have given her. But let’s be honest. She’s likely packing her bags as you read this to head back to Bachelor mansion to commence filming as your next The Bachelorette. She tried her darnedest this season but it’s just not going to go her way tonight. Perhaps it was her overprotective brothers that scared Ben away? Or maybe it’s because she never made Ben her world famous quesadilla? Whatever the case, she’ll put on her best sad face for the After the Final Rose special while secretly thinking about all the guys she will have to choose from on The Bachelorette. So really, it's a win-win for everyone!