Joyful JoJo the Bachelorette - Week 3 POWER RANKINGS

I'm going to be straight with you all. I procrastinated like hell on this blog post. But we didn't want to leave you hanging. So I'll cut out the usual spiel about rules and whatnot and get straight into the rankings for this week. Just in time for the episode!

Devour these rankings like Chad devours lunch meat.

POWER RANKINGS

1. Jordan - This is Jordan’s competition to lose & I just don’t see it happening. He’s got the confidence, the connection and most importantly…the best couple name with JoJo. You can’t tell me that #JoJoJordan doesn’t have a great ring to it.
2. Wells - Wells made a power move: He almost fainted. This is classic Bachelorette 101. Get the medical staff paying attention to you, Get the girl paying attention to you. I heard from a reader from Nashville last week that says she listens to Wells’ radio program regularly. She thinks he has a pretty good chance. So I’m giving him the coveted two spot.
3. Grant - After last week’s fire competition, it is clear that Grant makes JoJo want to stop, drop and roll. No one can extinguish Grant’s performance and top 3 standing.
4. James Taylor - I just love that this dude is named James Taylor. His songs are catchy and he reminds me of Andy Dwyer.
5. Luke - If I had a dollar for how many times I talk about our power rankings, I’d have a maybe a couple dollars a week. This past week, everyone was really excited about Luke. I don’t get it. But out of respect for our loyal readers, I’ve included Luke in the top 5.
6. Derek - At first I didn’t see it. BUT NOW EVERYTIME I SEE HIM I SEE JIM HALPERT. If this is some elaborate announcement of Netflix launching another season of The Office, I’ll be the happiest. But either way, I can keep hoping for Derek and JoJo to be the new Jim & Pam.
7. Nick B. - Saint Nick is playing the long game. He’s my dark horse for the season, but if he doesn’t start getting more screen-time, he’ll be out of luck.
8. Ali - Let’s just be real. His piano skills are solid, but maybe he could’ve done some John Legend or something. In a reality TV series with a guitarist named James Taylor, you must step up your game.
9. Christian - The bathtub thing in the bloopers was more than a little weird. But JoJo seemed to dig it. So. There’s that.
10. Chad - So here’s my dilemma. I feel like Chad may go home this week…BECAUSE HE’S GOING TO PUNCH SOMEONE. But in this new-fangled world of people liking “honesty”, maybe I’ve got this all wrong. Either way, Chad is getting JoJo’s attention. My gut is he survives Monday night’s episode, but I worry that after Tuesday we may be living in a post-Chad Bachelorette world. May the lunch meats never die. I’m still working on my Chad-is-Donald-Trump analogy, so if we get Chad back again next week, I’ll have that ready to roll. It’ll be good.
11. Chase - My namesake didn’t get a date last week, but that may be a good sign for this week’s date cards. He needs to take advantage of any opportunities he gets before it is too late.
12. Alex - The Chad-Alex drama is pretty solid & I’m excited to see how it ends up. But it probably ends with Alex still being short and Chad eating a turkey leg wrapped in bacon.
13. James F - The loser of this season’s same-name challenge, James F. will never be James Taylor.
14. Robby -  I don’t even know who Robby is.
15. Vinny - Meh.
16. Daniel - Every villain needs a wing man. And Daniel is the ultimate villain hype man. Daniel and Chad are the best bromance since JJ & Clint. And I still love that HE’S A PROFESSIONAL CANADIAN.
17. Evan - lol.

 

1. James Taylor - He's strumming all the right chords. And a group date rose during a tough group date gets him the top spot this week.
2. Wells - If you get a group date rose on the first group date of the season, you are sticking around for the long haul.
3. Jordan - He's a born winner (except for the whole business of losing in pro football) so he's staying near the top.
4. Derek - He got the first one-on-one so even though I don't want to, I'm putting him in the Top 5 for now for that reason alone.
5. Grant - He impressed on the firefighter group date but didn't snag the group date rose. That's enough to stick around for a bit but I predict their fire will be extinguished sooner rather than later.
6. Chase – Good, strong name = good, strong spot (totally not pandering to the competition).
7. Luke - Good performance in the first group date and he's still from Texas. That's enough to earn him a Top 10 placement.
8. Alex - Never use your time with The Bachelor/Bachelorette to talk about another contestant. Alex is dangerously close to being "that guy."
9. Ali – He’s a bartender so perhaps he can use his superior conversational skills to woo JoJo if he gets the chance. That or he can always get a free drink on the house.
10. James F. – He doesn’t hold a candle to the other James.
11. Robby - The preview after Episode 1 says you are the one with the potential side girlfriend. So I've got to keep you this low in case that happens to surface this week.
12. Nick B. – Frankly, his name is just too close to Nick V. for me to be comfortable with him around in Week 3.
13. Christian - Brah. If Chad doesn't know who you are and America doesn't know who you are, chances are you haven't caught JoJo's eye either.
14. Vinny – Never trust a barber with the world’s worst haircut.
15. Chad - Chad is a ham and is the most recent flavor of the week villain. I don't have him last because he did charm JoJo with pictures of the dog he inherited from his mother who passed (plus villains never go home this early). But his journey to love with JoJo will be cold (cuts) in the end.
16. Evan - His chances are limp.
17. Daniel - Consistently giving Canadians a bad rap since Week 1. Time to head home, eh?