Joyful JoJo the Bachelorette - Week 8 FINALE POWER RANKINGS

And then there were two. Jordan vs. Robby for JoJo's heart.

Last week, in a ratings grab/episode dump dramatic double episode, we saw JoJo send both Luke (WHAT?!?! Okay, so... #LUKEFORBACHELOR #LUKEFORBACHELOR #LUKEFORBACHELOR) and Chase home. Luke was definitely a shock (we both thought for sure he was a final 2 lock) but Chase was not. In fact, the best thing Chase did all season was crack open an ice cold brew as he got into his getaway car and sarcastically say "So this is my fantasy suite?" so I'm kind of glad we saw him go when he did.

I call this photo of JoJo and Luke: "LOVE IS A LIE."

Either way, this is it. We've made it to the finale. And I am officially the winner of this season's Bachelor Power Rankings! (Chase has the previous FIVE crowns so LET ME ENJOY THIS OKAY?). For those wondering, here is the latest score:

Chase: 114
Josh: 121

Since we have the same rankings this week, the final score will go up only 1 or 2 points for each of us. (Here are the rules and scoring in one handy post if you need it.)

A few notes from Chase before our final rankings:

A Congratulatory Note: I'd like to officially concede this season. After an incredible run, I've finally been knocked off as the Bachelor Power Ranking Champion. Congratulations, Josh, on putting together an incredible season of rankings. I look forward to reclaiming the metaphorical trophy next season.

A Twitter Note: Are you following us on Twitter? @TheFakeBachelor and @BacheloretteFTW provide our live commentary throughout the show! Nearly 7,000 followers can't be wrong!

WEEK 8 FINALE POWER RANKINGS:

1. Jordan – It brings me great sadness to conclude this season of The Bachelorette with Jordan on top of the rankings. We've known it all season. You can see it in the other contestants. Jordan was going to win. From James Taylor disliking actual card game rules to just a general fear of Jordan Rodgers. This fear, obviously, is unfounded. Particularly now that we're all aware that he has NO RELATIONSHIP with his super-star brother. He's just a former SEC quarterback. And do we really want to call Vanderbilt an SEC school? Their record in SEC games? 135-401-17. So all that's to say: Just because your last name is Rodgers, doesn't make you King. Unless your first name is Aaron. The only good thing that is coming out of Jordan winning? We aren't stuck with him as The Bachelor. Hopefully.
2. Robby – I'm pioneering a theory over here. The final 2 of this show are never actually the final 2. I believe that contestants send home their inevitable true number 2 (This season, Luke), earlier than the final round. Check it out: Chris Soules, Sean Lowe, Becca & Andi are all examples of this. There's psychology behind it - namely decreasing the cognitive dissonance of the final decision. Make no mistake about it, Robby is not the #2. If we were still ranking all the contestants, he might crack the top 3. JoJo has known she's picking Jordan for quite some time. And we're left stuffing French fries in our mouths like James Taylor while we wait for Luke to be The Bachelor.

1. Jordan – This whole season has been like training camp (for love). Jordan is super comfortable with training camp. In fact, he LOVES training camp. Each week, he has bested the competition to remain QB1. The top D-A-W-G among the other bros. Even with the interceptions he’s thrown (can you BELIEVE he tried to play by the actual rules of poker with James Taylor?), he’s set himself up nicely. This is his position to lose. And where he definitely lost it in actual football, he will turn the tide in love and take the starting job as JoJo’s main squeeze.
2. Robby – As a former competitive swimmer, Robby knows all too well the agony of losing by razor thin margins. And tonight, he’ll put that experience to use yet again. There’s just no way he walks away with anything other than utter disappointment over what could have been. With the Summer Olympics debuting this week, here’s a timely analogy: Robby is to Jordan as Ryan Lochte is to Michael Phelps (if Ryan Lochte and Michael Phelps never had real jobs and were competing for love on a reality TV show).

Joyful JoJo the Bachelorette - Week 7 POWER RANKINGS

And just like that, we are down to our Final Four. Four guys will enter vying for JoJo's heart, one will come out engaged to JoJo (and likely un-engaged to her a few months later).

We're back to the competition this week after saying goodbye to Alex and James Taylor last week and MIRACLES DO EXIST. Barring a total meltdown in the forthcoming rankings, it looks like I might finally take the crown from Chase and Power Rankings champion.

Just a totally normal first date taking a nap on a horse.

In case you are new or need a refresher, here are the rules of the competition in a separate and comprehensive blog post.

Even though we didn't do competitive rankings last week, it's time to tally up the TINDER POWER 5 and DEEP DIVE POWER 5 scores. The actual Top 5 guys this season (in no particular order) were Jordan, Chase, Luke, Robby and James Taylor. 

That means Chase gets an additional 6 points (Chase and Luke in the TINDER POWER 5 for 4 points + Chase and Jordan in the DEEP DIVE POWER 5 for 2 points) and Josh gets an additional 6 points (Chase and James Taylor in the TINDER POWER 5 for 4 points and Luke and Jordan in the DEEP DIVE POWER 5 for 2 points).

Here's the updated score after adding those points:

Chase: 109
Josh: 116

WEEK 7 POWER RANKINGS

1. Jordan - Let’s face it, guys. JoJo is going to pick Jordan. I don’t like it. You don’t like it. Heck, JoJo doesn’t even like it. Just because we don’t like it, doesn’t mean it wont happen. I don’t even know where to start with Jordan. His hometown visit should be amazing, despite not having Aaron Rodgers around. I’m really hoping we hear more about how Jordan played professional football. TLDR: He’s saying all the right things, but I just don’t think he’s there for the right reasons. 
2. Luke - Let’s face it guys, JoJo is NOT going to pick Luke. Despite the fact that SHE SHOULD TOTALLY PICK LUKE. Luke is a good guy, they have the Texas connection (great things are found in Texas these days, you know). Anyway. I think Luke is angling himself well to be next season’s Bachelor. Also, be on the lookout for a potential shameless Star Wars cross-promotion this week: “I am Luke’s Father.”  Here’s hoping his family is entertaining. If we’re going to see him again at The Bachelor, let’s at least make it good. 
3. Chase - I really want to see Chase win it all. I really do. I mean, his name is the greatest ever. But I think this is a 2-way competition at this point. He isn’t getting any time on the screen (There are literally 4-guys left. How is he not getting any air time??). Chase has made a good run and he’ll be around another week, but he wont be in the final 2. No chance. 
4. Robby - I don’t care who you are: If you’re coming out of a long-term relationship (3+ years?) and you’re dating someone (or on a reality TV show?) four months later...you need to ask yourself some serious questions. Hometowns are going to be dramatic for Robby and not in a good way.

1. Jordan - Jordan is playing things perfectly. He’s deflecting the negativity (most of it unwarranted) and saying the right things at the right time. He faces another hurdle this week when JoJo learns more about BIG BROTHER AARON RODGERS QUARTERBACK OF THE GREEN BAY PACKERS AND 2010 NFL MVP and the effect that’s had on Jordan. But if he can get past this, he’s well on his way to a touchdown (in the Fantasy Suite) and a Super Bowl victory (getting that ring…to put on JoJo’s finger).
2. Luke - Expect him to play up the Texas charm when he brings JoJo home tonight. But ultimately, this goofy looking guy from The Lone Star State will be playing second fiddle to Jordan, ultimately finishing in second place.
3. Chase - I was really shocked he outlasted James Taylor. Chase pretty consistently looks as excited as a kid in calculus class. It’s remarkable, really. The only reason he is sticking around after this week is because it looks like Robby is shadier than a big patch of grass under an oak tree on a sunny day. I am looking forward to seeing just how it is that they are able to fill 30 minutes of time in Chase’s hometown. Maybe his family has some personality?
4. Robby - I AM VINDICATED. The ex-girlfriend twist is coming TONIGHT. Robby is sunk. (Get it? He’s a former swimmer.)

Joyful JoJo the Bachelorette - Week 6 POWER RANKINGS

Another week, another set of Power Rankings. Chase recently tied the knot (yay Chase!) so he is out of pocket for this week. So we’ll take a break from the competition and instead, I’ll give you my rankings here just for fun.

Two weeks ago, we said goodbye to 2 guys during a droning 2 hour episode – Derek and Wells. 

Goodbye, Jim Halpert.

In case you are new or need a refresher, here are the rules of the competition in a separate and comprehensive blog post.

And here is the updated score after the episode from two weeks ago:

Chase: 103
Josh: 110

WEEK 6 POWER RANKINGS (FROM JOSH)

1. *Jordan – I’m calling it here. The “Jordan is a villain because he likes to play poker by the actual rules of poker” thing is a total red herring. Don’t buy into it. Jordan has maintained his cool throughout it all. And as such, he’s still my winner pick. 
2. *Luke – I. Do. Not. Get. It. Luke seems like such a dud. Objectively, of the remaining guys, he doesn’t even crack the top half of hotness. And yet JoJo is head over heels in lust with him. That kiss they shared in the last episode lasted 100% too long. And in my opinion, he’s lasted 100% too long. Booooooooo, Luke.  
3. **Chase – I am shocked he outlasted Derek in the 2-on-1 date. SHOCKED. HE OUTLASTED JIM HALPERT. He always looks so aloof when he talks. What is going on behind those zombie eyes and that monotonous voice of his? We may never know. But since he survived the dreaded 2-on-1 last week, I can’t imagine he goes home this week. 
4. Robby – Okay. I’ve had Robby low for weeks because I am positive the season preview after Episode 1 teased that he had a girlfriend. With 6 guys left, I have a hard time believing that I actually heard this right? DID I? AM I GOING CRAZY? WHY DID I DELETE THAT EPISODE FROM MY DVR? Anyway, keeping him this low since personally I find him super meh. 
5. **James Taylor – My how the mighty have fallen. It looked momentarily like James Taylor was going home last week. Instead he got what amounted to a pity rose from JoJo. Dude is like Samson. When he loses his hair (his guitar), his strength (confidence) falters. GET IT TOGETHER JAMES TAYLOR. SO HELP ME IF ALEX GOES FURTHER THAN YOU. 
6. Alex – WHY IS HE STILL HERE? His chances of winning? Small (PUN INTENDED).

Joyful JoJo the Bachelorette - Week 5 POWER RANKINGS

Another week, another set of Power Rankings. Last week, we said goodbye to 5 (!) guys - Grant, Evan, Vinny, Daniel and James F. 

As promised, here are the rules of the competition in a separate and comprehensive blog post.

Luke (on his butt in the back) is the most mediocre sandboarder there ever was.

And here is the updated score after last week's episode:

Chase: 88
Josh: 102

WEEK 5 POWER RANKINGS 

1. ***Chase - I needed to rank someone first this week and I just couldn’t have anyone else up here. Luke ruined it in the blooper, Jordan ruined it because he DEFINITELY CHEATED ON HIS EX, and James Taylor just isn’t the top-ranked guy. I’m pretty confident Chase/Luke/Jordan will be 3 of the final 4, so Chase is going to be number 1 by default. And most importantly, y’all. His name is Chase. Chase’s gotta stick together.
2. **Luke - Luke is a lock for the top 4. He’s swoon-worthy (Do people still swoon?) and he’s a fellow Texan. Their connection has been apparent and he seems like a good enough guy. I had him ranked first, but the blooper-excerpt with him talking about his cup-size caused him to drop to number 2.
3. *Jordan - Not only did my thoughts of Jordan drop this week, but THE ENTIRE INTERNET TURNED AGAINST HIM. The conversation with JoJo was painful at best. JoJo didn’t seem to mind it though, so Jordan is in the top 3 this week. Who could resist a former football player? And more importantly, the prospect of having a hometown visit with Aaron Rodgers is maybe the best thing that could happen this season. Besides Chad. Chad is the best thing that has happened this season.
4. James Taylor - JT dropped a bit this week... primarily due to his lack of air-time. I think James Taylor will ultimately end up being friend-zoned, but for now he seems like an adorably normal guy. Who just happens to be named James Taylor.
5. Derek - I just can’t get past Jim Halpert on this. The more I stare at it, the more I see it. Derek was the center of some controversy and he got the “reassurance rose.” Can we talk about how moronic it is that he’s catching flack from the other guys for needing reassurance? Pro-Tip: Don’t let it bother you if your girlfriend’s other 7 boyfriends don’t like the fact that you need reassurance. Take the rose, find the meat tray at the cocktail party and move on to the next week.
6. Robby - His date was fine, but I just don’t think he’s going too much farther. I just don’t see it happening. Also, according to his biography, his favorite flower is honeysuckle. I’m all about honeysuckle, but have you ever met anyone that has claimed it as their favorite flower? Never trust someone who’s favorite flower is honeysuckle. Never.
7. Alex - This guy is all drama. I thought there was a chance he’d mellow out once Chad left, but damn. Enough is enough, man. At least Chad was a fun villain. Alex is just an angry dude that needs to go home.
8. Wells - I really like Wells. He’s a DJ in Nashville. You know he has some awesome stories. DJ’s live interesting lives—their job appears glamorous, but is also incredibly difficult. (Side note: Just finished reading Bare Bones by Bobby Bones. Stellar book. Great read and an interesting look into his life as a DJ.) All that said, we haven’t gotten much from Wells. We haven’t heard about his job, the lifestyle and the cool stories that come with a job in the music industry. Personally, I think Wells should be higher, but I think we’re starting to get low on time with Wells. 

 

 

1. **Derek – He got the group date rose because he let JoJo know he needed some reassurance. You know, because his girlfriend has 11 other boyfriends. JoJo obliged because she clearly likes him. Alex was (no surprise here) mad about this. Don’t sweat it, Derek. You are Jim Halpert from The Office. Pam (JoJo) had to suffer through Roy (Chad/Daniel/Alex) before she gets to Jim.
2. *Jordan – Despite a solid 1-on-1 date that ended with a rose, JoJo brought up some #SERIOUSCONCERNS with Jordan’s previous relationship and his commitment (or lack thereof) to that relationship. I still think he’ll ultimately win this season but things were iffy for a touch so I have to drop him down a spot. Also his hair is out of control. OUT. OF. CONTROL.
3. **James Taylor – Quiet week for the crooner but now that the number of men have dwindled, expect a resurgence of the guitar and the man who plays it.
4. *Luke – Mediocre sandboarder. Still from Texas. Dropped down a spot this week.
5. **Chase – He’s only this low because he was part of the group that picked on Derek before the rose ceremony for… I’m not actually sure why they picked on him. He’s probably safe but meh. Focusing on other contestants and not the girl is bad news bears.
6. Robby – Let’s be real. Uruguay wasn’t what the producers wanted. The romantic 1-on-1 date on the cliff was barely salvaged. It looked miserable. But Robby got a rose and told JoJo he “loved” her after spending a mere 7 hours with her. Cool. The only thing keeping him this low is the potential ROBBY HAS A GIRLFRIEND BACK HOME.
7. ***Wells – He hasn’t gotten much attention (no 1-on-1 and no real attention during group dates). If he doesn’t make a move this week, he’s out of here. Which pains me since not only does he seem like a good, normal guy, he was also in both of my preseason POWER 5 lists. Dude must learn to tighten his tie, though.
8. Alex – Dude. Settle. As soon as Chad Bear exited, Alex turned his attention to Jordan? HOW DARE HE SPEAK ILL OF THE ALL-TIME QB? But seriously, bro. Cool it with the finger pointing. Your time with JoJo is running short (PUN INTENDED).

Bachelor/Bachelorette POWER RANKINGS Rules

Instead of recapping these every week in each post, I thought it would be best to have them handy in a separate blog post for anyone who cares to read up or anyone who needs a refresher.

These rules apply to seasons of both The Bachelor and The Bachelorette.

POWER 5
 
The POWER 5 are the five contestants each of us thinks has the best shot at making the actual final 5. These are chosen before the season begins and are two fold: The TINDER POWER 5 and the DEEP DIVE POWER 5. The TINDER POWER 5 are chosen solely based on contestant photos and names. The DEEP DIVE POWER 5 are chosen based on contestant photos, names and bios on ABC.com.
 
Neither of us read spoilers. Remember - spoilers suck.

Scoring of the POWER 5 for the competition is straightforward. When we get to the final 5 contestants, Chase and I will revisit each of our POWER 5 choices (both TINDER and DEEP DIVE). For each contestant in our TINDER POWER 5 who makes the actual final 5, we will be awarded 2 bonus point (for a maximum of 10 bonus points). For each contestant in our DEEP DIVE POWER 5 who makes the actual final 5, we will be awarded 1 bonus point (for a maximum of 5 bonus points).

Admin Note: To help you keep track of where our remaining POWER 5 contestants land in each of our weekly rankings, 

• * denotes our DEEP DIVE POWER 5 picks
• ** denotes our TINDER POWER 5 picks
• *** indicates the contestant was in both of the POWER 5 lists.

POWER RANKING Rules
 
We will rank the remaining contestants before the episode airs. Points will be awarded each week based on how well each of us predict the contestants going home. For example, if Josh puts CONTESTANT A in spot 7 and Chase puts CONTESTANT A in spot 10 and CONTESTANT A goes home, Josh will get 7 points and Chase will get 10.

The winner will be based on the player with the most points at the end of the season (this ain't golf, folks).

Joyful JoJo the Bachelorette - Week 4 POWER RANKINGS

So the last Bachelor Power Rankings post (two weeks ago before the dramatic double episode) was super short (due to my huge procrastination in getting it up). But I kind of got the impression that our regular readers (THANK YOU TO WHOEVER YOU ARE) kind of liked just getting straight into the rankings with no frills. So instead of an intro and a recap of all the rules and explanation of the scoring and a reminder about what the POWER 5 is each week, I thought we should stick with short and to the point.

If you want a recap of the rules, an explanation of scoring or the info on the POWER 5, I'll post a separate entry and link to it starting next week.

Totallllllllllllly normal way of knocking on a door.

Otherwise, without further ado, here is the latest score plus our updated rankings (* denotes our DEEP DIVE POWER 5 picks from before Week 1, ** denotes our TINDER POWER 5 picks from before Week 1 and *** indicates the person was in both of the above POWER 5 lists).

Last week we said goodbye to Ali, Nick B., Christian and Chad (we think).

The Score (So Far):

Chase - 34
Josh - 49

WEEK 4 POWER RANKINGS
 

1. James Taylor - James Taylor took The Bachelorette world by storm last Monday night. His adorable guitar-player two-stepped his way to the top of the rankings this week. While his one-on-one date was, as the kids say, “fire”, he stepped up his game playing football. Not only did he get injured, but HE KEPT PLAYING LIKE A MADMAN. Dude was so wrapped up he looked like King Tut. But kept playing. Hopefully after passing concussion protocol. James Taylor takes first place for his gentle dancing, smooth guitar prowess & reckless disregard for medical safety. And because two loyal readers sent me a note saying James Taylor reminded me of them. But mostly the first part. But definitely some of the second part.
2. **Luke - So let’s set aside the sheer amount of clichés that came out of Luke’s mouth on the 1-on-1. (Don’t we all live for those moments that make the hairs on our neck stand up? Don’t we all get those feelings by looking into JoJo’s eyes?). The dude has a great story, personable, and seems to have a bit of a bad-boy side to him. JoJo digs it.
3. ***Chase - Started from the bottom now he’s here! Chase makes a BIG jump from last week into the top 3. Judging from The Twitter World, everyone seems to love Chase. And let's be real: Chase's 1-on-1 was lights out. I think he is a legitimate contender & would be pretty surprised if he doesn't get to hometowns. And his name. I mean, damn.
4. *Jordan - Did you all know Jordan played football? If he tells us one more damn time about his old glory days…
5. Wells - Ball security, Wells. He’s not the most athletic guy, but he seemed to be positively contributing to the team. UNTIL ON THE GAME DECIDING PLAY HE LET THE BALL GET RIPPED OUT OF HIS HANDS. Rule #1 of The Bachelorette: Never let another man take the football from you when a date with JoJo is on the line. Or maybe Rule #1 is don’t be Chad. Either way, we’re working on the official Bachelorette Rule Book. And it’s definitely in there.
6. Alex - It is tough to say, but Alex won. Alex won for America. (But did he actually? Wouldn’t we all have benefited with another few weeks for Chad?). Alex will stick around a few more weeks, but he’s not the one for JoJo. That said, he still has half of a 2-on-1 left to go with JoJo. I’m interested to see what his personality actually shakes out to be. I don’t know what he’ll talk about. Maybe he’ll just eat sweet potatoes. 
7. Derek - Derek came up big in the football game. And he still looks like Jim Halpert. So it was a good week for him. I wish he had put something of Chad’s in a Jello mold. But alas, we’ll have to just keep tweeting references from The Office during the show. No complaints on my end.
8. **Grant - Free fallin’! Grant, who has officially been called Squidward on national television, just couldn’t get any traction this week. 
9. Robby - 9th ranked in this week’s rankings, but just nothing substantive to say. He swims? So I mean. I guess he’ll do well on a pool party date?
10. Evan - NEVER POKE A MAN IN HIS BELLY BUTTON, OKAY? 
11. Vinny - Why is Vinny still around? We could’ve had another week of discussing how much we hate Chad. Thanks, Vinny.
12. James F - I’m sure James F. is a perfectly nice guy and he may stick around a few more weeks. But really, he’s just a good place holder. 
13. Daniel - One thing we know for sure about The Bachelorette: A villain’s wingman can only be as good as the villain himself (add it to the rule book). Daniel positioned himself early on as the drunk and then the villain’s hype man…but then he was all like “Hey Chad, maybe don’t be like Hitler.” But it was too late, Daniel is inextricably linked to being Hitler’s drunk friend. That is not a good look.

1. *Jordan – Dude absolutely crushed it as all-time QB during the group date at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh. As he put it, he was “dropping dimes out there” and “picking defenses apart.” The competition was… questionable. But JoJo was impressed enough to give him the group date rose. And I’m impressed enough to give him the top spot.
2. **James Taylor – I fear he may ultimately end up in the “friend-zone” but for now, no reason not to keep him near the top (he had a great 1-on-1 on the first of the two episodes last time). Plus he played like a true NFLer during the group date challenge – with an obvious concussion!
3. *Luke – His 1-on-1 with JoJo was HOT (tub). A big move up for the Texan.
4. ***Wells – He’s playing the long game. And as such, he will remain in my Top 5 until he does something that warrants a huge move down. Keep those wheels (and records) spinning.
5. Alex – His conversation in the woods with Chad was so strange, I could barely comprehend what was going on. Amazingly, not only did JoJo decide to keep Alex and send Chad home on the 2-on-1 date, she seemed overjoyed to choose Alex and was canoodling and kissing him like crazy. Even still, Alex doesn’t have staying power. He will be gone well before the end.
6. **Chase – JoJo listed Chase as one of the guys who has made a good impression so far when talking to Ben Roethlisberger. That’s a good sign since she only listed a handful of other guys.
7. **Derek – A bold move confronting Chad Bear in the house but got out of there unscathed. And I think Chase first alerted me to this but HOW MUCH DOES DEREK LOOK LIKE JIM HALPERT FROM THE OFFICE???
8. Grant – Quiet week for the firefighter. For now, he will stay nice and steady in the middle.
9. James F. – There’s only room for one James on this season. And you are not it. You didn’t even sustain a nasty head injury for JoJo. SMH
10. Robby – The “girlfriend back home” tease during the season preview after Episode 1 still has me worried. And since he hasn’t particularly impressed, I don’t mind keeping him this low anyway.
11. Evan – Has this guy ever worn sports clothes before? Move it along, brah.
12. Vinny – Dude. Who are you?
13. Daniel – It’s truly amazing that despite his embarrassing performance on the first night that he is still around. But perhaps he’s emulating fellow Canadian Justin Bieber who turned things around after peeing in a mop bucket to release a pretty universally acclaimed album. Ehhhhhh, on second thought, probably not.

Joyful JoJo the Bachelorette - Week 3 POWER RANKINGS

I'm going to be straight with you all. I procrastinated like hell on this blog post. But we didn't want to leave you hanging. So I'll cut out the usual spiel about rules and whatnot and get straight into the rankings for this week. Just in time for the episode!

Devour these rankings like Chad devours lunch meat.

POWER RANKINGS

1. Jordan - This is Jordan’s competition to lose & I just don’t see it happening. He’s got the confidence, the connection and most importantly…the best couple name with JoJo. You can’t tell me that #JoJoJordan doesn’t have a great ring to it.
2. Wells - Wells made a power move: He almost fainted. This is classic Bachelorette 101. Get the medical staff paying attention to you, Get the girl paying attention to you. I heard from a reader from Nashville last week that says she listens to Wells’ radio program regularly. She thinks he has a pretty good chance. So I’m giving him the coveted two spot.
3. Grant - After last week’s fire competition, it is clear that Grant makes JoJo want to stop, drop and roll. No one can extinguish Grant’s performance and top 3 standing.
4. James Taylor - I just love that this dude is named James Taylor. His songs are catchy and he reminds me of Andy Dwyer.
5. Luke - If I had a dollar for how many times I talk about our power rankings, I’d have a maybe a couple dollars a week. This past week, everyone was really excited about Luke. I don’t get it. But out of respect for our loyal readers, I’ve included Luke in the top 5.
6. Derek - At first I didn’t see it. BUT NOW EVERYTIME I SEE HIM I SEE JIM HALPERT. If this is some elaborate announcement of Netflix launching another season of The Office, I’ll be the happiest. But either way, I can keep hoping for Derek and JoJo to be the new Jim & Pam.
7. Nick B. - Saint Nick is playing the long game. He’s my dark horse for the season, but if he doesn’t start getting more screen-time, he’ll be out of luck.
8. Ali - Let’s just be real. His piano skills are solid, but maybe he could’ve done some John Legend or something. In a reality TV series with a guitarist named James Taylor, you must step up your game.
9. Christian - The bathtub thing in the bloopers was more than a little weird. But JoJo seemed to dig it. So. There’s that.
10. Chad - So here’s my dilemma. I feel like Chad may go home this week…BECAUSE HE’S GOING TO PUNCH SOMEONE. But in this new-fangled world of people liking “honesty”, maybe I’ve got this all wrong. Either way, Chad is getting JoJo’s attention. My gut is he survives Monday night’s episode, but I worry that after Tuesday we may be living in a post-Chad Bachelorette world. May the lunch meats never die. I’m still working on my Chad-is-Donald-Trump analogy, so if we get Chad back again next week, I’ll have that ready to roll. It’ll be good.
11. Chase - My namesake didn’t get a date last week, but that may be a good sign for this week’s date cards. He needs to take advantage of any opportunities he gets before it is too late.
12. Alex - The Chad-Alex drama is pretty solid & I’m excited to see how it ends up. But it probably ends with Alex still being short and Chad eating a turkey leg wrapped in bacon.
13. James F - The loser of this season’s same-name challenge, James F. will never be James Taylor.
14. Robby -  I don’t even know who Robby is.
15. Vinny - Meh.
16. Daniel - Every villain needs a wing man. And Daniel is the ultimate villain hype man. Daniel and Chad are the best bromance since JJ & Clint. And I still love that HE’S A PROFESSIONAL CANADIAN.
17. Evan - lol.

 

1. James Taylor - He's strumming all the right chords. And a group date rose during a tough group date gets him the top spot this week.
2. Wells - If you get a group date rose on the first group date of the season, you are sticking around for the long haul.
3. Jordan - He's a born winner (except for the whole business of losing in pro football) so he's staying near the top.
4. Derek - He got the first one-on-one so even though I don't want to, I'm putting him in the Top 5 for now for that reason alone.
5. Grant - He impressed on the firefighter group date but didn't snag the group date rose. That's enough to stick around for a bit but I predict their fire will be extinguished sooner rather than later.
6. Chase – Good, strong name = good, strong spot (totally not pandering to the competition).
7. Luke - Good performance in the first group date and he's still from Texas. That's enough to earn him a Top 10 placement.
8. Alex - Never use your time with The Bachelor/Bachelorette to talk about another contestant. Alex is dangerously close to being "that guy."
9. Ali – He’s a bartender so perhaps he can use his superior conversational skills to woo JoJo if he gets the chance. That or he can always get a free drink on the house.
10. James F. – He doesn’t hold a candle to the other James.
11. Robby - The preview after Episode 1 says you are the one with the potential side girlfriend. So I've got to keep you this low in case that happens to surface this week.
12. Nick B. – Frankly, his name is just too close to Nick V. for me to be comfortable with him around in Week 3.
13. Christian - Brah. If Chad doesn't know who you are and America doesn't know who you are, chances are you haven't caught JoJo's eye either.
14. Vinny – Never trust a barber with the world’s worst haircut.
15. Chad - Chad is a ham and is the most recent flavor of the week villain. I don't have him last because he did charm JoJo with pictures of the dog he inherited from his mother who passed (plus villains never go home this early). But his journey to love with JoJo will be cold (cuts) in the end.
16. Evan - His chances are limp.
17. Daniel - Consistently giving Canadians a bad rap since Week 1. Time to head home, eh?