Bachelor Power Rankings - Week 7 PART 2 - "The Return of Prince Farming"

We said goodbye to Megan last night in Part 1 of a two night Bachelor event that culminates tonight. Chase and I both had her in spot 7 so the updated Power Rankings score is 223-220. Check below for the 4 Sentence Recap from last night's episode and updated rankings before tonight's episode!

Britt's reaction to the impromptu road trip to Arlington, Iowa.

4 Sentence Recap

Bachelor producers couldn't fill a single hour with Chris talking to Chris Harrison (dude's a bore) so they interviewed Andi (remember her?) on Chris Tells All about her break-up with Josh (she's sad - duh). After enduring that seemingly endless hour (thank goodness for Ashley S. clips!), Chris dumps Megan the Make-up Artist right off the bat (no foundation in that relationship) before the remaining 6 girls head to Iowa for the week. Jade and Whitney get one-on-one dates and do fun Iowa things like going to a high school football game (score!), making out in a high school hallway (score!), taking pictures in the streets of Des Moines (dream come true!) and staring at a mural that was painted just for them (Banksy alert!) and both Jade and Whitney seem destined for roses and taking Chris to their respective home towns to meet the fams. Kaitlyn, Carly and Britt head on a group ice skating date despite the fact that none of the three girls nor Chris know how to really skate nor do any of them care at all about ice skating in general (Bachelor producers were really struggling for date ideas in Iowa) and Kaitlyn gets the group date rose during a cocktail party at a storage facility (?) which causes Britt to break down to Chris (in front of Kaitlyn and Carly) about how upset she was that he is dating other women at the same time (does she know what show she is on?) and therefore putting her behind them.

Power Rankings

The Rules: We will rank the remaining Bachelor contestants. Points will be awarded each week based on how well each of us predicts the contestants going home. For example, if Josh puts CONTESTANT A in spot 7 and Chase puts CONTESTANT A in spot 10 and CONTESTANT A goes home, Josh will get 7 points and Chase will get 10.

The winner will be based on the player with the most cumulative points at the end of the season (this ain't golf, folks).

POWER 5: We will mark our Power 5 choices with a * so you can keep track of how well we predicted from the start. Chase now only has 2 in play (losing Jillian and Nikki in Week 4 and Kelsey last week). I'm also down to 2 after Tandra's exit in Week 2, Nikki's exit in Week 4 and Kelsey's exit last week.

NOTE: Chase and I do our rankings and analysis independently of one another. Any similarities in our commentary just means GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE, OKAY?

1. *Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – Chris Harrison once said that a picture is worth a thousand words. When the entire transcribed version of your television show involves less than 1,000 words (journey, amazing, right reasons)… it makes a mural worth even more than a thousand words. Whitney has finally jumped into my top slot. Downtown Des Moines will never be the same. Whitney has the inside track to being Chris’ personal fertility nurse. If you catch my drift.
2. Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – There’s a chance that Becca jumps back into the top slot. She just seems normal. Very calm, normal, relaxed. She’d be good in Iowa. My worry with Becca is her age. As nice as she is, I just think she’s too young for Chris. That’s my feel right now. That said, Becca is a serious contender and is the only person remaining to give Whitney a run for her money.
3. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC – Kaitlyn is safe. She has her rose. She’s not going anywhere. In my mind, if my top 4 are correct, the top 2 are your only contenders. Jade and Kaitlyn just aren’t serious contenders. Kaitlyn's safe for another week or two, but she’s not going to end up with a tape-delayed engagement ring in a few weeks.
4. *Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer, CA – He had 30 girls that he could’ve taken to a high school football game to meet his parents. And he chose the ex-playboy model. I’m very intrigued by the teasers “Hey Chris. I modeled in playboy.” And then it appears that they proceed to Google it. Which apparently none of the Bachelor producers did. Or maybe they all did. Last night’s episode makes it look like Jade makes it to the next round. I’m taking the bait and putting her into the top 5.
5. Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer, TX – Carly fell on the metaphorical grenade last night. The text conversation I was having with my lovely girlfriend during Carly’s mountaintop and valley travels last night was equally hilarious. I went from loving Carly, to thinking she was catty, to thinking she was just taking one for the team. Either way, I think Carly as The Bachelorette would be equal parts hilarious and perfect. She has my vote.
6. Britt, 27, Waitress, CA – Last night during #ChrisTellsAll, did anyone else notice Chris’ face when Harrison asked about Britt? You could tell he was taken—still taken—with Britt. I don’t believe Britt makes it past next week. Nor do I think she should. Carly set up a “beautiful” explosion…and honestly, that’s what you get if you’re not forthright. Liars never win. Unless you’re on Bachelor In Paradise. In which case, yeah. Britt wins.

1. Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – Despite saying that a day with Chris in Des Moines, Iowa was the greatest day of her life (ummm guess she’s never been to Old Mexico?!), Whitney is cementing herself as one the one to beat. If her hometown date goes well, she has a golden ticket to the finals.
2. *Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – She’s playing the quiet game and it’s worked so far. Chris is headed to her hometown. But after that? It’s hard to tell. My guess is that it’s straight back to Bachelor mansion for her press photo shoot for the next season of summer’s most entertaining program (The Bachelorette).
3. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC – She used her one-on-one time with Chris during the group date wisely unlike one of the other girls (see: Waddell, Carly) and opened up about her fears in the relationship (weirdly, she didn’t seem upset that he’s dating 5 other girls). As a result, Chris quelled her fears with the group date rose and now they’re headed to Canada to meet Kaitlyn’s family.  
4. *Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer, CA – The preview for tonight’s episode shows us she brings Chris home to meet the family. That’s the good news. The preview also reveals that she strips down her past (pun intended) and tells Chris about the nude modeling she did. It’s not that I think Chris will have a problem with it. It’s that I think he will have a problem with what it might do to his “good ole homeboy” image if he chooses her.  
5. Britt, 27, Waitress, CA – Last night was not good for Britt. After not getting the rose on the group date, she word vomited onto Chris about how her feelings were hurt… in front of Kaitlyn and Carly. Chris was taken aback and it’s clear that the once strong relationship is on rocky ground now. It doesn’t help that Britt really can’t see herself living in Arlington, Iowa (hey, they’ve got nice sunsets!). Goodbye #TeamBritt. I was never truly on board.
6. Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer, TX – Carly broke a cardinal rule of The Bachelor last night. Never use your one-on-one time with the bachelor himself to rat out another girl (in this case, Britt). She may be doing Chris a favor in the long term (she wasn’t wrong about Britt) but she’s not advancing her relationship with Chris at all by shooting the breeze about Britt’s tendency to bend the truth. Despite her sharp wit in some humorous confessionals, Carly’s relationship with Chris is in treble.

Bachelor Power Rankings - Week 7 - "The Return of Prince Farming"

Boom. Chris dropped the hammer Thor style last week and took out 4 girls without batting a fake Ashley I. eyelash. Samantha (who?) and Mackenzie (the resident Bachelor baby) were sent packing in the rose ceremony carryover from the "to be continued episode" and Ashley I. and Kelsey were sent home during a 2-on-1.

If you missed "The Bachelor Five" from last week (our take on the five most important things you missed on last week's episode), be sure to check that out here and then check out this week's updated Power Rankings below.

The Badlands immediately after Ashley I.'s tears watered the barren dirt.

With four eliminations last week, we still have lucky number 7 girls left and Chase remains ever so slightly in the lead 216-213.

SPECIAL NOTE: Since there is brand new episode TOMORROW NIGHT (Best. Weekend. Ever.), there will be no 4 Sentence Recap and "The Bachelor Five" tomorrow. Instead, we will have updated rankings and analysis of the remaining girls and an updated score posted TOMORROW on the blog in the early afternoon so be sure to check back here for that. The 4 Sentence Recap for both episodes and "The Bachelor Five" will follow Tuesday.

The Rules: We will rank the remaining Bachelor contestants. Points will be awarded each week based on how well each of us predicts the contestants going home. For example, if Josh puts CONTESTANT A in spot 7 and Chase puts CONTESTANT A in spot 10 and CONTESTANT A goes home, Josh will get 7 points and Chase will get 10.

The winner will be based on the player with the most cumulative points at the end of the season (this ain't golf, folks).

POWER 5: We will mark our Power 5 choices with a * so you can keep track of how well we predicted from the start. Chase now only has 2 in play (losing Jillian and Nikki in Week 4 and Kelsey last week). I'm also down to 2 after Tandra's exit in Week 2, Nikki's exit in Week 4 and Kelsey's exit last week.

NOTE: Chase and I do our rankings and analysis independently of one another. Any similarities in our commentary just means GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE, OKAY?

1. Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – Everything in me tells me to put Whitney in the top spot. My gut is Whitney will eventually occupy the top spot, but for now, as a protest to how much I like Becca, I will keep her at number 1. She had an excellent date and despite not ever riding a horse (can I call BS on that one?) she seemed more than confident on the horse…which makes me think Chris may have been thinking about Becca when “Save a Horse” came on later in the episode. She got the kiss and she’s got the fast track to the fantasy suite.
2. *Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – Whitney leapfrogs Jade this week. It was another week of Whitney just being Whitney. She appears to be the cornerstone that is holding the girls together as (relative) friends. She’s kind to everyone (maybe save Britt & Kelsey?) and Chris notices this. She was pretty angry over the Big & Rich ordeal, but wouldn’t you be, too? I think Whitney was really civil towards #GoneGirlKelsey despite confronting her. She’s even keeled, tactical, but also appears to have a heart. She and Chris are just a wonderful fit.
3. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC – Guys. This is the SAME girl that on the first night told Chris he could “plow my field anytime.” And she’s in my top 3 as we’re approaching hometown visits?! WHAT?! How?! Who? WHY?! I still don’t know if she fits. I just don’t know. But she still somehow continues to connect with Chris and defy the friendzoning. Canada, Standup.
4. *Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer, CA – In my first draft of this week’s power rankings, I had Jade ranked number 3. And then number 4. And then she tumbled all the way down to 5. But at the last minute, I decided to bump her up to 4. This scandalous photo thing is about to break things wide open. I can’t decide if Chris is going to be cool with it or if the suitcase removal intern is going to go get Jade’s suitcase immediately. Or she may just turn into a pumpkin. Which Chris probably would farm. His pick up line: Imma take you to the pumpkin patch.
5. Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer, TX – Carly absolutely killed it on that date. I was a little worried it would be one of those “this is what I do” dates, where it turns out that the person isn’t nearly as good at their profession as they claim to be. But Carly absolutely crushed it. Really good lyrics, great delivery, and way to cement herself for another week. For those interested, song lyrics are here.
6. Britt, 27, Waitress, CA – If there is one thing that’s clear, it is that Britt is Chris’ favorite. Despite getting the group date rose, making all the girls jealous and being way too cozy with Chris in front of everyone, Britt is staying at #6. I think the Iowa visit is going to really shake her confidence a bit as per the previews. I think there was an interesting foreshadowing moment with Ashley I. as Chris said he didn’t think she’d fit in Iowa and Ashley replied “You think Britt would?!” Foreshadowing, my friends. Foreshadowing.
7. Megan, 24, Make-up Artist, TN –Chris visited two of our nation’s most incredible national treasures with three of the most crazy girls on the show. I mean Megan is hilarious and Ashley I. was more than tolerable in her interview with Jimmy Kimmel. But still. How are you going to waste the Grand Canyon and the Badlands on Megan, Ashley I. and Kelsey? Also… to anyone that has been broken up with lately, it could be worse: you could’ve been stranded in the Badlands.

1. *Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – She needed the big date and boy did she knock it out of the park. She finally got a crack at Chris’ lips and totally scored a kiss. No attitude adjustment needed here. This girl is leading the pack.
2. Britt, 27, Waitress, CA – Ashley I. was mostly off her rocker but she was dead on when she asked if Chris honestly believed Britt was going to move to Iowa to live on the farm and shuck corn for a living. For now, Chris is infatuated with Britt. But unless she’s planning to write, direct and star in Field of Dreamz 2: More Fieldz, More Dreamz and Field of Dreamz 3: Bankrupt, and Field of Dreamz 4: The Final Dreamz, this girl isn’t budging from LA. I smell a second place finish for Britt.
3. Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer, TX – She stood out on the singing group date, because, you know, she can actually sing. Chris likes her. So do I. I’m guessing a Final Four finish for our charismatic choralist.
4. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC – She stood out on the singing group date, because, you know, she rapped a song instead of singing country like everyone else. Weird. But Chris seems to like her so she’s safe to the Final Four. The question is, will she “Mountie” Chris in the Fantasy Suite at Final 3? Only time will tell.
5. Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – Quiet last week but she's built up enough in reserve to keep that spark alive. Safe tonight. Beyond that? We will just have to see if she can implant herself permanently in Chris' life.
6. *Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer, CA – The preview said it all. This week, the naked truth comes out. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Google can help you out. Unfortunately for her, the info reveal spells goodbye for Jade.
7. Megan, 24, Make-up Artist, TN – Megan seems nice. But she's also dumb. Real dumb. And nice + dumb ≠ soul mate. As predicted all the way back in “The Bachelor Five” in Week 2, Megan, as the recipient of the first one-on-one date, has made it quite far. But I can’t see any scenario where she doesn’t go home this week. Goodbye, Megan. So happy you finally traveled out of the country to New Mexico. Perhaps one day, you can take a trip to Old Mexico. Just don't forget your passport for that one.

The Bachelor Five - Week 6 with Prince Farming

Finally. Four eliminations last night. And Chase and I were pretty much right on the money with who went home. Chase gained a single point this week and now leads 216-213. He won the week 76-75. With only 7 girls remaining, the Power Rankings crown is still very much up for grabs.

Artist rendering of Chris after bringing Britt back from Big & Rich concert and encountering the other ladies he totally ditched. 

The Four Sentence Recap

The week began where it left off last week with Kelsey sobbing on the floor when all of a sudden - POOF - she was perfectly fine all at once, laughing her evil laugh and stealing the last rose away from Samantha the Fashion Designer (just not meant to be in the fabric of Chris' life) and Mackenzie the Dental Assistant (no crown for you) who were both sent home. The remaining 9 traveled to Deadwood, South Dakota where Becca (more on her below) got the week’s one-on-one date and a rose despite totally abandoning their pack donkey on their (decently) romantic horseback ride. 6 of the girls got time with one hit wonder Big& Rich and got the chance to write/perform original country songs (or rap in Kaitlyn's case because you know, Canada or something) on a group date before Chris awkwardly singled out Britt and made the other five girls feel worse than they already did when they agreed to appear on The Bachelor. The Bachelor producers saved the best for last with an epic showdown a 2-on-1 date in the Badlands featuring Kelsey the Guidance Counselor (no letter of recommendation for her!) and Ashley I. the Freelance Journalist (sadly we'll never get that double confirmation on your virginity) before Chris wised up and sent them both packing (and by packing I mean taking the only mode of transportation and TOTALLY LEAVING THEM ABANDONED THERE TO FIGHT TO THE DEATH find a way back to wherever The Bachelor producers dumped their suitcases).

The Bachelor Five

The Five Things You Need to Know About Last Night's Episode

5. Becca FTW – I’ll admit. I was once on the Kelsey train. But since that locomotive jumped the tracks, destroyed a small population of endangered animals, fell into a gorge and exploded into a fiery mess, I’m glad I disembarked last week. I’m now fully backing the Becca Express. Next stop, Chris’ heart. Or probably more accurately, America’s, as I’m confident she will be named the next Bachelorette. She’s simply the exact opposite of most of the girls still around and Chris is finally taking notice. This week, they locked lips for the first time and Becca was rightly shy about sharing that on national TV (though, in all honesty, what did she expect coming on the show?). This girl is cool and I’m putting my money squarely behind her.

4. Uneven Episodes – There is something comforting about a routine. It’s easy, you know exactly what you are going to get and you can just sink right into it (much like one of those bean bag chairs everyone had in college). But these past two weeks have been anything BUT routine and it’s throwing me off. Last week, we had someone returning for a second chance (Jordan who?) and then no rose ceremony and then a TO BE CONTINUED. I thought for sure that Week 6 would be a return to equilibrium. Instead we were treated to the carryover rose ceremony from last week at the beginning and then two non-rose ceremony eliminations to close out the episode. And now next week, we have two episodes (one on Sunday night and one on Monday night), one is (at least partly?) a “Chris Tells All," Kelsey maybe makes an appearance in the “Chris Tells All” to defend herself (?) and oh don't mind Chris just taking the ladies to Iowa to meet his family (?) and share best practices for shucking (with 7 ladies, how could he resist?). Frankly, it's all very disorienting. Can we just get back to our Bachelor routine? Supremely awkward dates followed by rose ceremonies in exotic locations. But speaking of exotic locations…   

3. The Bachelor Budget Slash – At this point in past seasons, The Bachelor would have taken us halfway around the world. Instead with Chris and his remaining ladies, we haven’t even made it halfway across the United States. What is going on? It could be that Chris can never be more than a couple hours from the harvest (the perfect ear of corn requires serious commitment). It could be that Kelsey is on the no-fly list. But more likely it’s that the budget for this season was cut in half. And at this point we have to keep our fingers crossed that we get a finale on an exotic beach and not somewhere along the Mississippi River.

2. Big & Rich & Country Originals – In case you didn't know before last night, Chris is a farmer and loves all things country. And by default, that includes country music. Obviously The Bachelor producers wanted to capitalize here. But since The Bachelor "talent" budget only has three dollars, some dryer lint and a button left, the best they were able to do when it came to securing country musicians on the show was booking Big & Rich (yes, the “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” folks). But instead of just playing some music and collecting their paycheck (complete with lint and button), they helped the ladies write "original" country songs. This of course led to some truly awful singing (save for Carly and sort of Britt) and, you guessed it, tone deaf Chris smiling ear to ear. Snooze. Let's chalk this up to another in a long line of seriously awful dates we've had to endure this season.   

1. Epic Desert Showdown – I have to give it to the producers. They really saved the best for last in last night's episode with what can only be described as the most uncomfortable 20 minutes of television since we watched Carly and Chris with the Santa Fe Love Guru... last week. Everything about this 2-on-1 date to the Badlands with Kelsey and Ashley I. was awkward. From Chris smashed between the two crazies in the helicopter to the rock hard four-poster bed set up in the middle of the mostly dirt National Park to Chris totally throwing Ashley I. under the bus to the most epic stare down in reality TV history, this was pretty much perfect for us the viewers. And at the end of it all, Chris mercifully sent both of the women home, leaving the 2-on-1 date rose to rot in the dirt (probably). But the best part about this showdown was the reaction of the ladies back in the hotel. @TheFakeBachelor summed it up best:

Bachelor Power Rankings - Week 6 - "The Return of Prince Farming"

So last week, not a single person was eliminated (boo) and instead we got a TO BE CONTINUED just before the rose ceremony. But with Kelsey on the floor and the other girls in shock, we are likely in for a doozy this week now that we've finally made it to Monday (YAY).

If you missed "The Bachelor Five" from last week (our take on the five most important things you missed on last week's episode), be sure to check that out here and then check out this week's updated Power Rankings below.

Ashley I. (pictured center) in a yearbook photo from North Shore High School.

With no eliminations last week, we still have 11 girls left and Chase remains in the lead 140-138.

WEEK 6 SPECIAL RULES: We will rank the remaining Bachelor contestants. This week, both the rankings for Week 5 and Week 6 will determine the score. Each of us had the opportunity to re-rank this week based on the Week 5 episode. If I had CONTESTANT A in spot 7 in Week 5 and re-ranked her in spot 10 this week and CONTESTANT A goes home, I will be awarded 17 points. Similarly if Chase had CONTESTANT A in spot 10 in Week 5 and re-ranked her to spot 11 this week and CONTESTANT A goes home tonight, Chase will receive 21 points. To make it easier for you, the loyal readers, we will put each woman's ranking from last week (LW) in parentheticals below.

The winner at the end of the season will awarded to the player with the most points (this ain't golf, folks).

POWER 5: We will mark our Power 5 choices with an * so you can keep track of how well we predicted from the start. Chase has 3 in play (losing Jillian and Nikki in Week 4). I'm also down to 3 after Tandra's exit in Week 2 and Nikki's in Week 4.

NOTE: Chase and I do our rankings and analysis independently of one another. Any similarities in our commentary just means GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE, OKAY?  

1. Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA (LW - 1) – The updated rankings this week following last week’s most dramatic ever To Be Continued episode, present a unique challenge. Many of our potentially crazy wonderful Bachelor contestants did no harm this past week. So my top slots are staying very similar this week… The bottom 5 is where it starts to get fun.
2. *Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL (LW - 3) – No major news from Whitney, besides the fact that she’s apparently a really nice person. She wasn't all about the return of Jordan, but she was very nice all the same. The little spat that Ashley I. and Whitney got into was entertaining, but it’s clear that Whitney is an adult. Whitney—at 29—is the closest to Chris’ age besides Kaitlyn (also 29) and Carly (also also 29). This is becoming more and more apparent every week.
3. *Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer, CA (LW - 2) – At this point in the season, other contestants have to have found out about Jade’s career path, right? She can’t just be telling them all that she “models for a website” and none of the girls have drunkenly asked for more info. I have to think that information comes out at some point and when it does, maybe an EMT can be on site for any pending panic attacks.
4. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC (LW - 4) – I really like Kaitlyn, but the more I think about it, I just don’t see Kaitlyn with Chris. Call it a hunch, but I just don’t see it. I think Chris eventually friend-zones her. Also - in all seriousness: Kaitlyn technically had to use her passport to get to New Mexico.
5. Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer, TX (LW - 5) – Chris isn’t sending Carly home because that would be the worst thing he could possibly do. “Hey. Let’s go on an awkward sex guru date…oh by the way…no rose next week. Tempted to jump Carly into my top 4 for her ridiculously good attitude about the worst reality TV show date ever, but I like my top 4 too much to make that plunge.
6. Megan, 24, Make-up Artist, TN (LW - 7) – All episode long last week, I just kept thinking about how amazing this show would be if we still had Ashley S. Megan is doing her best to keep the non-ImmaKillYou crazy alive, with her terrible geography skills, but it just isn't the same without you Ashley S. Megan jumps over Britt this week because she takes showers.
7. Britt, 27, Waitress, CA (LW - 6) – I’ve taken the opportunity this past week to ask every girl I know if they 1) Shower and 2) Wear make up to bed. It has been a rough week for me as I’ve been slapped every time I’ve asked. All seriousness, though... what the what? Her free hugs suddenly smell a lot worse. She’s not going anywhere this week, though. That said, she drops a spot because that’s gross.
8. Ashley I., 26, Freelance Journalist, NJ (LW - 10) – Strangely enough, Ashley I. is moving up this week in my power rankings. Not because she’s any more normal or has any more of a chance, but simply because she didn’t do anything to get herself kicked out. She’s all drama, all tears…but Chris needs to weed out others prior to her departure. And she’s a virgin.
9. Mackenzie, 21, Dental Assistant, WA (LW - 11) – Chris: “I raise vegetables on the farm.” Mackenzie: “I raise Kale.”
10. Samantha, 27, Fashion Designer, CA (LW - 8) – I got pretty excited about Samantha during this past week’s episode for one reason: she said something. It wasn’t really anything substantial, but she’s no longer tied with me for “total words said on The Bachelor”. I’m dropping her down a notch because I think she has to get the obligatory boot soon. She’s too irrelevant (and probably too normal?) to last much longer.
11. *Kelsey, 28, Guidance Counselor, TX (LW - 9) –Holy Gone Girl. It was even worse than the previews teased. She went full on crazy. Not that psycho obsessed cute “oh my gosh I want to have all your children even though I just met you” type way…but that “I blog about The Bachelor and even I locked my doors a little tighter last Monday night.” I was on board with her until the “I love my story” comment. It isn’t that I even mind the comment—there is beauty in accepting and loving what has made you the person you are—but the manipulative, conniving tone is what struck the chord. I think she goes home this week and I hope that her late-husband’s family has peace.

1. Britt, 27, Waitress, CA (LW - 5) – Britt wants to have 100 kids. I feel as if this might get in the way of her acting job as a waitress but at least she and Chris may have gotten a head start with their “nap” last week.
2. Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer, TX (LW - 6) – Oof. She got gypped with the worst one-on-one date of the season ("Santa Fe Love Guru") but she managed to turn things around with Prince Farming and snag the rose. She started breaking down towards the latter part of the episode (in true Bachelor fashion!) but this confident crooner is safe for a while.
3. Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL (LW - 4) – Chris digs Whitney. And she actually went up a notch in my book after taking the high road when Jordan (again, who?) returned last week for a second chance. Her maturity in the situation was apparent when contrasted with Ashley I. If only she didn’t sound like an infant when she spoke.
4. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC (LW - 1) – I can just see it now. John Green is commissioned to write the epic love story of Chris the Farmer from Iowa and Kaitlyn the Dance Instructor from Canada. Ok-eh? Ok-eh.
5. *Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer, CA (LW - 2) – It seems the magic from Jade’s Cinderella inspired date is lasting but will it wear off when the clock strikes midnight? Only time will tell. LOL. Oh man that was so corn-y (pun intended).
6. *Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA (LW - 3) – I still think Becca is the virgin who makes it to the fantasy suite but she hasn’t had any real time with Chris yet. Until then, she’s hanging around the middle of the pack. But I fully expect her to break out soon.
7. Ashley I., 26, Freelance Journalist, NJ (LW - 11) – Time is running out for the mean girl from New Jersey. I’m only ranking her higher than last week because the previews indicated she would be around for a little while longer.
8. Megan, 24, Make-up Artist, TN (LW - 7) – They say the person you marry should complement you. Unfortunately for Megan, dumb + dumber = a real-life version of Harry& Lloyd. Chris needs someone who can multiply in their head and pairing with Megan is not a winning combination.
9. Mackenzie, 21, Dental Assistant, WA (LW - 8) – No. Just no. For some added perspective on their age difference (friendly reminder - TWELVE YEARS), Chris was enjoying the antics at Bayside High before MACKENZIE WAS EVEN BORN. What if Chris wants to have a friendly dinner conversation about Kelly Kapowski or giant cell phones? Good luck buddy.
10. Samantha, 27, Fashion Designer, CA (LW - 10) – SHE SPEAKS. A whole 14 words. But since none of those were even remotely directed towards Chris, I’m still not convinced he knows who she is.
11. *Kelsey, 28, Guidance Counselor, TX (LW - 9) – In case you didn’t pick up on it last week, this girl is actually crazy. If Chris doesn’t dump her this week… well that would actually be pretty typical of The Bachelor.

The Bachelor Five - Week 5 with Prince Farming

And with that, we're down to 11 ladies. Wait, what? That's exactly where we left off last week because we were forced to endure treated to a TO BE CONTINUED at the end of this week's episode. That means no change in the Power Rankings for now but a potentially big week next week. 

Dramatic reenactment of Chris discovering Kelsey laughing hysterically during a confessional interview.

The Four Sentence Recap

After listening to Newsies on repeat, The Bachelor producers traveled to New Mexico for the week where Chris and Carly shared more than just the first one-on-one date of the week when they visited a love guru (they shared awkward touching and breathing if you were wondering). The group date found 9 of the ladies white water rafting (with perhaps the most ominous of starts when the guide told them that if they were to stand up in the raft it "MAY BE THE LAST THING YOU DO") before being interrupted by Jordan (who?), eliminated in Week 2, during drinks in a hotel lobby(?). Britt got the second one-on-one date and easily snagged a rose but all that really matters is that we learned that 1. she doesn't shower and 2. she sleeps in her make-up because you never know (weird gal). Next, Kelsey gets weirder than she's been all episode, tells Chris her heartbreaking story about her husband's death and awkwardly forces a first kiss, which prompts Chris to think about time and how many harvests he has left in him before cancelling the cocktail party which sends Kelsey into a full on panic attack. SMASH CUT: title card: TO BE CONTINUED...

The Bachelor Five
The Five Things You Need to Know About Last Night's Episode

5. The Love Guru – What. Was. This? Oh you know. Just your regular, everyday visit to Tziporah Kingsbury, town love guru. Now, I’ve been to Santa Fe. And the city is quirky. So I can’t say I’m surprised that Tziporah has what appears to be a thriving business. But the discomfort between Carly and Chris as they had to undress and breathe on each other was palpable (source: both of them SAID IT). And was anyone else just praying that in addition to her stash of sage torches that Tziporah keeps a jar of mints for the lucky people who get to breathe into each others' mouths? In a season filled with bad dates (see: Costco, zombie paintball), this one may take the cake.

Tziporah Kingsbury: The Love Guru

4. The Return of the Jordan – True confession. Jordan was so unmemorable in her time on the show, I had to go back in my notes to figure out just who she was. And in fact, she was so forgetable, my notes were worthless. Nevertheless, she caused quite a stir coming all the way from the Mesa Verde Colorado to try to win a second chance with Prince Farming. Unfortunately, Jordan’s return only caused tension and stress amongst the girls and Chris promptly sent her home. Well this was one big dramatic circle (she came, she caused trouble, she left) but you can bet The Bachelor producers paid for Jordan’s gas.

3. And the Emmy for Best Supporting Actor Goes To… - Do we think Megan is playing dumb? Or is she actually dumb? First, she was convinced that going to New Mexico meant that she would finally travel out of the country (“I guess it’s called New Mexico because there is already an Old Mexico? Well who cares because I’m wearing this SOMBRERRO!”). Then she verbally uttered her apprehension about going white water rafting because the river might have alligators (okay, possible but highly, highly unlikely) or DEAD BODIES (From rafting accidents? From natural deaths? From MURDER?). Every word she spoke last night seemed too dumb to be true. So, is she actually just playing dumb? If so, give this girl an award. If not, give her a map.

2. I Got 99 Problems and Kelsey is One – Last week, I waxed and waned in “The Bachelor Five” about what was going on with Kelsey. Was she just not gelling with Chris? Was the show too much for her? Well, this week, we have our answer: Kelsey is CRAZY. And not funny crazy. CREEPY CRAZY. Here’s the distinction: Ashley S. was funny crazy. She delivered monologues on onions and pomegranates and played zombie paintball like a (mob) boss. But she was harmless. Kelsey is creepy crazy. This week saw her go from sweet and bubbly to seemingly manipulative and shady. There were hints this was coming throughout the episode: her slightly off confessional interviews, her laugh echoing through the river canyon (touché Bachelor producers) and her insistence that NO ONE would ruin her relationship with Chris. But the biggest tell: describing her tragic backstory where her husband unexpectedly passed away as a “great story” and saying it with a SMILE. Even Kelsey knows her portrayal was bad. Following last night’s episode, her Twitter went private. Yikes. How the mighty have fallen.

1. To Be Continued – For the record, I hate when shows end like this. I especially hate it with The Bachelor because it usually means we don’t get a rose ceremony, which is exactly what happened this week. Instead we’re left with Kelsey writhing on the floor, which totally screws up the Power Rankings. @TheFakeBachelor put it best.

AMEN.

Bachelor Power Rankings - Week 5 - "The Return of Prince Farming"

Though there was a definite downswing last week following the Jimmy Kimmel episode, it did feature uncomfortable dates galore (camping! "would you rather" rooftop discussions! "HEY LOOK AT ME I'M A VIRGIN DIDN'T YOU KNOW?!"). With less than a dozen girls left, it's anyone's game (read: anyone but Ashley I.). 

If you missed "The Bachelor Five" from last week (our take on the five most important things you missed on last week's episode), be sure to check that out here and then check out this week's Power Rankings below.

Behind the scenes footage of a Bachelor producer reviewing footage of Kaitlyn removing clothes at the lake/camping group date.

Now for this week's power rankings. 11 girls left and Chase has taken a narrow lead after saying goodbye to Nikki, Juelia, Jillian and Ashley S. last week (Chase at 140 and me at 138). Do I have any hope or is Chase going to run away with this for the THIRD STRAIGHT SEASON? 

The Rules: We will rank the remaining Bachelor contestants. Points will be awarded each week based on how well each of us predict the contestants going home. For example, if Josh puts CONTESTANT A in spot 7 and Chase puts CONTESTANT A in spot 10 and CONTESTANT A goes home, Josh will get 7 points and Chase will get 10.
The winner will be based on the player with the most points at the end of the season (this ain't golf, folks).

POWER 5: We will mark our Power 5 choices with a * so you can keep track of how well we predicted from the start. Chase now only has 3 in play (losing Jillian and Nikki last week). I'm also down to 3 after Tandra's exit in Week 2 and Nikki's exit last week.

NOTE: Chase and I do our rankings and analysis independently of one another. Any similarities in our commentary just means GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE, OKAY?

1. Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – She was my number one last week and I’m keeping her here for another week despite a lack of camera time. The big virginity bombshell (is it really a bombshell though? Nope.) was dropped and she was cooler than the other side of the pillow. Becca is in this for the long haul. 
2. *Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer, CA – Princess Jade would have potentially taken the top spot this week, but news has broken on Twitter this week about her previous experience with a certain scandalous media outlet. I think she and Chris really hit it off, but if and when this news comes out, I can’t see our favorite Iowan taking to it kindly, despite his promiscuous tendencies.
3. *Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – Another week of Whitney just PTG’ing. (playing the game). She’s playing it cool and seems heads and shoulders above the rest of these girls in terms of maturity. I think she’s a lock for a hometown visit. You heard it here first. I still have three of my power 5 remaining and I feel most confident about her making it the longest.
4. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC – So the obvious follow up to an incredible Costco date is to go camping and take off all your clothes on national TV. Britt definitely dragged her through the mud a bit and I think she’s going to get caught up in that fray. After Chris’ flippant retort to Britt questioning his motives, I think everyone that was involved in that date is going to be under a microscope. Or Chris is just going to make out with her more.
5. Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer, TX – Still can’t really get a read on Carly. Nor can I get past her limousine entrance. Or her profession. Somehow, Carly continues to climb the ranks.
6. Britt, 27, Waitress, CA – What to do with Britt? She was a front-runner until this past week when she questioned Chris’ intentions (!!). Who does that?! That said, I think her concerns struck a chord with Chris, despite the drama. Chris and Britt have a genuine connection, but they haven’t had a huge chance to rekindle that initial connection. If Britt is going to stick around, she needs to get some more time with Chris and remind him why he fell in first-impression-love with her. (Also…On the off chance that you read this blog and haven’t already seen this…it is gold)
7. Megan, 24, Make-up Artist, TN –Megan’s Grand Canyon date is going to stick out in Chris’ mind for quite some time to come, I’d imagine. A date that grand just isn’t going away anytime soon and she struck it big by landing that instead of Costco. Megan doesn’t seem to be the brightest (source: herself), but she’s playing the right cards to stay for several more weeks to come.
8. Samantha, 27, Fashion Designer, CA –How is she still here?! Who is she? What does she do?! How is she supposed to get a book deal if she doesn’t get any television time? What if Chris is secretly in love with her?
9. *Kelsey, 28, Guidance Counselor, TX –I try not to let upcoming show previews impact my rankings from week to week, but this week, I’m breaking that rule. Kelsey really got a bad rap this past week--Although, if you follow her on Twitter, it seems that may be a bit out of context. (The date was designed for bimbos. She wasn’t calling the girls bimbos. Clearly.) But, oh how the mighty have fallen with Kelsey…She seemed so normal, calm and chill. If you can’t get down with a group date of camping out, you really shouldn’t date a farmer. Harvest is one big camping date, Kelsey.
10. Ashley I., 26, Freelance Journalist, NJ – Did y’all hear she’s a virgin? To anyone playing a drinking game involving her discussing her sexual history….I hope you’ve shaken your hangover by now. She’s out of control and just way too over the top. Seriously.
11. Mackenzie, 21, Dental Assistant, WA – She brought up aliens. Again. Moreover, I’m disappointed that we haven’t had more mention of Kale. This week feels ripe to be the week that Chris “sends her home because he wants to respect the fact that she’s a single mom” or some cliché line like that. And by cliché, I mean heartfelt. And by heartfelt, I mean scripted. This is the best show on television.

1. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC – She’s getting Chris’ blood pumping. And it’s not through his heart. And it ain’t from dancing. She’s been easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl through the past three rose ceremonies and she’s pushing all the right buttons. No reason to think that will change this week.
2. *Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer, CA – A product placement filled one-on-one last week, a questionabledress choice and lie after lie about Chris’ dancing ability all add up to one giant safety net for the California cosmetics girl. She also received a vote of confidence from Chris’ family. Safe for now and likely for a while.
3. *Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – She’s going all the way to Top 3, baby. Becca’s nonchalant “I’m still a virgin” drop last week cements her spot on the Fantasy Suite dates. We already know from Chris Harrison’s first episode red carpet info nugget that a virgin makes it to the Fantasy Suite. Our worst fears were confirmed week after week as we were relentlessly told by Ashley I. that SHE WAS A VIRGIN AND SHE DIDN'T CARE WHO KNEW IT. But breathe easy, Bachelor nation. Becca (my new bet for the next Bachelorette) appears to be that girl, which is good news for all of us.  
4. Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – I don’t like baby voice Whitney. Chris does. And that’s all that matters since Chris is The Bachelor and I’m happily married. She was quiet last week and with 11 girls left, she’s safe again this week.
5. Britt, 27, Waitress, CA – I’ve been clear so far. I’m not a fan of #TeamBritt. So it’s crazy to me that the moment I start to like her a little bit (when she asked Chris a reasonable question and he responded like he’d never spoken a full sentence in English) is the same moment she started to drop in the rankings. She’s safe this week but Chris was visibly shaken (as shaken as you can be dating multiple gorgeous women at one time) at their previously unshakeable bond. Could this be the beginning of the end?
6. Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer, TX – She wore Legend of Zelda boots with a wedding dress in the second group date last week. She seems spunky, she’s cute and she seems up for anything. But is Chris taking notice? 
7. Megan, 24, Make-up Artist, TN – Week 2 was big for Megan during a pretty great Grand Canyon one-on-one. But we’re into Week 5 and I don’t know any more about her. She seems cool but this week is make-up or break up for Megan (pun intended).
8. Mackenzie, 21, Dental Assistant, WA – CHRIS CANNOT MARRY A BABY WHO HAS A BABY. Send her home. End of story.
9. *Kelsey, 28, Guidance Counselor, TX – When it comes to reality shows, you almost always have to take previews with a grain of salt. But I can’t be sure The Bachelor producers know what a red herring is so I’m erring on the side of: “Kelsey really does have a monumental meltdown this week.” I hate to rank her so low because she (for the most part) seems pretty great. But the Power Rankings crown is on the line so Kelsey falls to spot nine.
10. Samantha, 27, Fashion Designer, CA – Who are you? I have literally no idea. But let the record state that I’m now rooting for you. How incredible would it be if Chris picked her and she hadn't uttered a single word? The answer: Better than a designer suit on a scarecrow.
11. Ashley I., 26, Freelance Journalist, NJ – With Ashley S. out of the way, The Bachelor has cleared enough "crazy" cap space for Ashley I. to come into her own. She can’t possibly last beyond this week but we can keep our fingers crossed for some full on breakdowns before she goes home.