The Bachelor Five - THE FINALE with Prince Farming

That's it, folks. We started with 30 women and Chris narrowed it to one last night, choosing Whitney to be his next ex future bride over Becca. Both Chase and I predicted a Whitney victory (Chase even had her as one of his POWER 5 before the first episode kicked off) and the final score stands: Chase - 245 and Josh - 241.

Thanks to everyone for reading throughout the season. We'll be back in May for The Bachelorette!

Me during most of last night's episode.

The Four Sentence Recap

It was down to two women – Whitney and Becca – and both made the long trek from Bali to a beautiful resort in the Caribbean snowy Iowa (ummm, okay?) to meet the Soules family. Whitney made a dynamite impression (especially the Soules sisters) while Becca made a pretty okay impression and Chris remained torn between the two even after their final dates (Whitney harvested corn and Becca got a sketchy late night visit in case you were wondering). In the end, he sent Becca packing because she couldn’t say I love you and commit to moving to a desolate town after ~37 total hours of dating and proposed to Whitney in his childhood barn (it’s cool because he raised a pig there!) that was decorated with hay, stained glass windows and approximately 1,300 candles (in case you didn’t know, Chris is a farmer). The After the Final Rose special gave us Chris and Becca together (and it was actually super boring and unemotional), brought together the “happy” couple for a reunion, gave us appearances from Ashley S., Jimmy Kimmel and Juan Pablo the Cow and finally announced that both Britt and Kaitlyn would be dueling Bachelorettes for the upcoming season(UGH BRITT?! NO! ANYONE BUT BRITT!!).

The Bachelor Five
The Five Things You Need to Know About Last Night's Episode

5. The Sisters – Both Whitney and Becca met the entirety of the Soules family (who are also, not surprisingly, ¼ of the population in Arlington, Iowa). But the people who had the biggest sway? Chris’ three sisters. We haven’t seen sisters this powerful since the Sanderson Sisters were resurrected in Salem, MA. They outwardly preferred Whitney from the get go. And that was all the foreshadowing we needed to know that Becca never really stood a chance.

4. Finale in Iowa – Is there a more romantic location than a barn in the middle of nowhere for a proposal? There sure is. Spin the globe, put your finger down and you’ve got a more romantic spot. Finger stops in the middle of the ocean? Great! Who doesn’t love a proposal on the water?? Let’s be honest – the simple fact that the closest hotel to Arlington, Iowa was located more than an hour away in Dubuque should have been a red flag for producers. Don’t they know we love exotic locations and an excess of wine??? Target. Audience. Fail.

3. Nice and Steady Now – Sure Whitney won The Bachelor crown, but the real revelation was Becca. She was both sensible and articulate in her discussion with his family (not to mention the fact that she was killing it with the comedy routine at the Soules’ dinner table). Her main hesitation in her relationship with Chris was that she needed more time before she said I love you and moved to Arlington, Iowa for the rest of her life. The crazy thing (or maybe not so crazy thing if you are at all familiar with the show) is that everyone on the show HELD THIS AGAINST HER. Case in point:

2. Cameos FTW – The After the Final Rose special was pretty much a snooze whenever the focus was on Prince Farming. But thankfully we got a cameo from Ashley S. (the queen of The Bachelor who “supposes” she will appear on Bachelor in Paradise – which was the greatest news we got all night) and a cameo from Jimmy Kimmel (a much needed but much too late appearance) who brought a gift of a cow for Whitney and Chris (aptly named Juan Pablo). The fact that these two moments were the highlight of the three hour show should give you an idea of how boring the first two and a half hours were.

1. Two Is Better than One? – So The Bachelor saved its biggest twist for the very end – and it had almost nothing to do with this season of The Bachelor. It was announced that both Britt and Kaitlyn would be next season’s Bachelorette. Wait, what? By now, pretty much everyone has stated their opinion of the twist. And the popular consensus is that NO ONE LIKES THIS IDEA. I’ll keep it brief. Britt is the worst and this is a terrible plan. So will I be watching? You better believe it. See you in May, Bachelor Nation!

Bachelor Power Rankings - Week 10 - "The Return of Prince Farming"

This is it. The final countdown. The final Power Rankings of the season. Two women enter. One women leaves with a ring and Prince Farming on her arm. The other leaves in an unmarked limo and tears in her eyes.

If you missed "The Four Sentence Recap" and "The Bachelor Five" from last week's Women Tell All episode, check that out here and then find our final Power Rankings below.

Gob knows what's up.

Now for this week’s rankings. Chase wrapped up this season's crown two weeks ago (his third consecutive victory) and leads by 4. The current score heading into tonight's final episode is: Chase - 243, Josh - 239. 

By now you know the rules. So let's skip that and get straight to it.

POWER 5: We will mark our Power 5 choices with a * so you can keep track of how well we predicted from the start. Each of us has a POWER 5 pick in the final two. 

Pretty amazing considering we didn't know anything about the girls other than their bios on abc.com before the season started.

POWER RANKINGS

1. *Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – It's hard to believe that the season – no, the pursuit of love, is coming to an end... but it's here. Whitney is going to have a ring on her finger this evening from our favorite fearless leader, Chris (with help from Neil Lane, of course). The entire season, Whitney has been above the fray. She's taken the mature approach and she hasn't been catty. She's crashed a wedding and damn it, she has a mural in Des Moines. The only thing left to discuss is what we'll call Chris and Whitney once they are married: Chritney or Whitnis?
2. Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – Becca has been one of my favorites all season long. She's occupied my top ranking for a majority of the season. Truth be told, if I was choosing who I WANT Chris to pick, rather than who I think he will, I’d go with Becca. I think at the end of the day, the age difference is relatively significant and Chris is looking for someone that's closer to his "walk of life." Becca has a lot of awesome things in front of her – she seems like too good of a person not to be met with success and love. I'd watch The Bachelorette with Becca, but something tells me this is the last we're seeing of her on reality TV.

1. Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – As much as I want to pick Becca as this season’s winner (she was one of my POWER 5 picks, after all), I’m officially predicting Whitney that Whitney walks away with a Neil Lane diamond. The fertility nurse from Chicago has done everything right to win Chris’ heart. Whitney’s stayed above the fray (read: Ashley I.) and seems to have made a genuine connection with Chris (was the wedding crashing date foreshadowing their own wedding?). Will she actually give up her career to live in a place with 400-500 people (depending on who you ask)? HELL NO. This relationship is doomed. But for 10 glorious minutes, Prince Farming will make us all believe in contractually obligated true love as he drops down on one knee in a barn in the middle of a snowy cornfield in the middle of FREAKING NOWHERE (ironically, the perfect setting for a horror film) and pops the question to Whitney.
2. *Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – I really like Becca. She’s nice, genuine and has kept her cool throughout all of the ridiculous(ly amazing) drama this season. But she just hasn’t made the connection (at least that the editors have shown) that Whitney has. Add to that the fact that the preview reveals she isn’t in love with Chris yet (which would make moving from hopping California to snoozefest Arlington, Iowa a bit difficult). It was a shock that Chris kept her over Kaitlyn. It would be a bigger shock if she took The Bachelor crown. The good news for Becca (since it seems my one man campaign to make her The Bachelorette is falling short thanks to Kaitlyn’s popularity) is that she's only 25 and knows the best way to utilize Uber’s services. Her priorities are in the right place. For now, she shouldn't sweat the loss (is it really a loss?) and just kick back and enjoy life.

The Bachelor Five - Week 9 - Women Tell All Special

No rose ceremonies and no exotic trips to South Dakota this week. Instead, we were treated to the Women Tell All where some of your favorite contestants were contractually obligated volunteered to return to face each other and Prince Farming.

Chase and I will be back with our final Power Rankings next week ahead of the live 3 hour season finale of The Bachelor next Monday.

The Four Sentence Recap*

17 of the ladies returned to talk trash to each other, yell, snot in Chris Harrison’s ridiculously expensive handkerchief, and confront Prince Farming as he awkwardly shat his pants in fear sat on the hot seat. We got no closer to figuring out who Chris will choose as his bride because last night was all glorious filler. And, as many pointed out on Twitter, this pretty accurately sums up everything you missed:

An actor's interpretation of the ladies during the Women Tell All

*That fourth sentence can just take this week off.

The Bachelor Five
The Five Things You Need to Know About Last Night's Episode

5. The Randos – Lots of Chris’ eliminated contestants appeared on last night’s Women Tell All. Not all because likely, even the producers forgot some of the girls’ names. Chances are, you recognized about half of the women. Thankfully, the half we all recognized did most of the talking, yelling and crying. And yet, for some inexplicable reason, some of the randos who were eliminated back before anyone was really invested decided that they needed to stir up a little trouble. And so, Trina (who?) decided to shove her opinion down our throats multiple times. No thanks. @BachelorBurnBook said what we were all thinking:

BURN.

4. Haters Gonna Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate – Hot damn. Some of those girls were laying into Kelsey during her time in the hot seat. Don’t get me wrong – I definitely think Kelsey is Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. But Ashley I. suggested that Kelsey made up the story that she had a husband and he died an unexpected death. That's a low blow. Even for The Bachelor. It just solidifies what I already thought about Ashley I. – girl is HURTING for a spot on Bachelor in Paradise.

3. Cool as the Other Side of the Pillow – You probably noticed that Kaitlyn kept her head above the shrapnel of pointed words being hurled around the set of last night’s Women Tell All. The only time she really spoke up was when she was in the hot seat with Chris Harrison or when she was addressing Prince Farming himself. Classic play. This girl is the front runner for The Bachelorette according to multiple reports. She had to find a way to stay in America's hearts. And stay in our hearts she did. By keeping her cool, she’s likely going to end up back in Bachelor mansion as The Bachelorette instead of on a beach in Bachelor in Paradise.

2. All of the Tears – Get it together ladies. There were so many tears spilled last night I could have sworn production was screening Marley and Me just off camera. There was crying after re-watching “journeys.” There was crying when accusations were flying. There was crying when Chris did nothing but walk onto the stage (I suppose losing that “body by Cody” must be really tough). It was all a bit much. After all, they were crying over a guy who can’t even string together a coherent set of sentences.

1. Ashley S. for President of Bachelor Nation– The world rejoiced when Ashley S. returned to television last night. She was just as loopy as when she was still a contestant on the show. She repeated previous brilliance when she uttered her famous catch phrase “Like boom.” She spouted incredible truths such as “I was just so bored” in response to why she interrupted The Bachelor accounting department during filming. And she spoke with such eloquence when she asked Chris Harrison, “Isn’t it crazy that we’re on TV now?” Now we wait with bated breath to see if she will, in fact, return for Bachelor In Paradise. Not convinced of Ashley S.’s amazingness? Don’t just take our word for it: 

The Bachelor Five - Week 8 with Prince Farming

The battle royale has been set. 30 women entered. Two remain. And it appears to be two seemingly really nice women. Once again, Chase got the better of me in our rankings this week and picked up an additional point to secure his third consecutive Bachelor Power Rankings crown after Prince Farming sent Kaitlyn packing. Congratulations, Chase! 

Next week, there won't be a Power Rankings on Monday as we take a break to enjoy the Women Tell All special. We'll be back with the Four Sentence Recap and The Bachelor Five next Tuesday before our final rankings (including each of our picks for a "winner") the following week. 

The cumulative score to this point is Chase at 243 and Josh at 239.

Chris' reaction to being peed on by an Indonesian monkey.

The Four Sentence Recap

With three women left, The Bachelor producers decided they could finally afford to travel further than a helicopter can fly and the remaining three women (Kaitlyn, Whitney and Becca) and Chris headed to Bali, Indonesia. There, Chris spent one magical day with each of the three women and did fun Indonesian things such as getting peed on by local monkeys (watching animals pee on humans is hilarious!), visiting no touching temples (I can't think of a better date than not being able to touch your significant other) and checking out an Indonesian farm (because, when you're a farmer, it's nice to compare). All three ladies spent a night in the Fantasy Suite with Prince Farming and Becca used her overnight time to tell Chris she was a virgin (I half expected Ashley I. to pop her head in and remind everyone that she was a virgin too) before Chris shockingly sent home Kaitlyn the Dance Instructor - presumably after she "plowed the **** out of his fields" in their overnight date (things just didn't swing her way). In the finale in two weeks, we head back to desolate, boring Arlington, Iowa and quietly wonder whether or not Neil Lane will be able to find Chris' hometown.

The Bachelor Five
The Five Things You Need to Know About Last Night's Episode

5. Monkeying Around in Bali – As Kaitlyn might say, “Bali’s a bit underwhelming, eh?” It didn’t seem like Bachelor producers took full advantage of being in a cool location. Sure a monkey peed on Chris. And sure the ladies and Chris visited some sacred temples. And yes Whitney and Chris visited a nondescript part of the Indian Ocean to… sit on a boat and kiss (?). But did anyone else feel like they wasted the time abroad? Especially since it looks like we’re headed back to Iowa next week. Snooze. Wake me up when we’re back at Bachelor mansion for The Bachelorette.

4. Chris Loves Everyone – With three ladies left, you might think that Chris is starting to feel more strongly about one of the women. After all, he’s about to drop on one knee and promise to spend the remainder of his harvest time with one of them. And yet, he openly admits to “falling in love” with ALL THREE. Not good, bro. I half expected Chris to pull a Brick Tamland and start professing his love to inanimate objects. He was able to deport Kaitlyn back to Canada but he’s got his work cut out for him if he hopes to find someone he actually loves instead of someone he fake loves.

3. Becca’s Revelation – Becca was cool as a cucumber when she told Chris that she was a virgin. He was more awkward than John Travolta fondling Idina Menzel’s face at the Oscars upon hearing the news. But the craziest thing: She didn’t even seem to notice. Poor Becca. I really like the girl. I hope for her sake that Chris doesn’t pick her. She deserves someone who is cool with her choice. Plus Chris rejecting Becca might mean we get another 3 months with her as the next Bachelorette. And that's a world I want to live in.

2. A Peculiar Rose Ceremony – Three things to note about this. 1. The outfits. Chris was forced to wear a KARATE uniform to dump one of the girls. And the show expected us to take this moment seriously?! Okay, it’s The Bachelor. Nothing is actually serious. But still. Sacred temple or not, it was goofy looking. On a related note, Chris Harrison also made his weekly Bachelor cameo ALSO WEARING A KARATE UNIFORM. 2. The rose ceremony took place in a sacred temple. I assure you that after production left the grounds, there was nothing sacred left. 3. Chris pulled Becca aside before the rose ceremony actually began. Usually this is a sign that that contestant is a goner (see: Nilsson, Britt). Instead, Chris just needed some reassurance and some time to sigh before he sent Kaitlyn home instead. Wow.

1. Kaitlyn’s Goodbye (Or the Curious Case of the Rooster) – Kaitlyn was understandably upset when Chris needed to jettison the awkward fourth wheel and picked her to be the unlucky winner. But as she was saying goodbye, something unexpected happened - a rooster sounded off loudly in the near distance. Perhaps this was a perfectly placed metaphor that not even the finest Bachelor producers could dream up. Because in fact, for Kaitlyn, this rooster wasn’t the first cock to crow triumphantly in Bali. But did she really need a reminder of her time in the Fantasy Suite with Chris as she was getting booted? That’s just adding insult to injury. @TheFakeBachelor put it best:

Bachelor Power Rankings - Week 8 - "The Return of Prince Farming"

With three episodes left (one tonight, Women Tell All next week, and a finale the week after that), we are down to a trio of ladies vying for Prince Farming’s (artichoke) heart.

If you missed last week’s 4 Sentence Recaps or The Bachelor Five from the double episode last week, you can find them here and here.

Exclusive sneak peak at Chris' reaction when he realizes he chose Becca the virgin over Jade the Playboy model to take to the Fantasy Suite.

Now for this week’s rankings. Chase has the narrowest of leads (240-237) and only a miracle can propel me to a win (read: time machine).

The Rules: We will rank the remaining Bachelor contestants. Points will be awarded each week based on how well each of us predicts the contestants going home. For example, if Josh puts CONTESTANT A in spot 7 and Chase puts CONTESTANT A in spot 10 and CONTESTANT A goes home, Josh will get 7 points and Chase will get 10.

The winner will be based on the player with the most cumulative points at the end of the season (this ain't golf, folks).

POWER 5: We will mark our Power 5 choices with a * so you can keep track of how well we predicted from the start. Chase now only has 1 in play (losing Jillian and Nikki in Week 4, Kelsey in Week 6 and Jade last week). I'm also down to 1 after Tandra's exit in Week 2, Nikki's exit in Week 4, Kelsey's exit in Week 6 and Jade's exit last week.

All things considered, each of us has a POWER 5 choice in the Top 3. And it looks like one of them might take the win (Chase has Whitney and I've got Becca).

Power Rankings

1. *Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – Before we even get into these rankings, I’m going to go ahead and give you a power ranking spoiler preview: nothing changed. Whitney still has a mural and she is still in the top spot for my power rankings this week. Whitney has consistently shined…she’s stayed above the fray, but has also spent some time in the trenches among the Bachelor Mansion schisms. Her one-on-one wedding crasher date could have almost certainly been faked, but the connection established at this date has had long lasting implications. The rapport they established by being able to look across the room of (alleged) strangers, make eye contact, and smile knowing the shared secret is special and makes me want to keep her in the top spot. Whitney is getting a ring, y’all.
2. Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – I’m saying it again. I really, really like Becca. She occupied my top slot for several weeks. She’s ridiculously humble, kind and certainly has a strong connection to Chris. Bachelor producers are playing up the virgin plot line (everyone miss Ashley I?), but I really hope it doesn’t lead to any ill will from Chris. As has been said throughout the year (and echoed by Becca) the fact that she is a virgin just isn’t. a. big. deal.  I’d love for Becca to win it all, I really would. I think she and Chris would be good together. At the end of the day, this is probably the easiest way to sum it up: Becca seems to be a wonderful person.
3. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC – I haven’t understood this all season. Kaitlyn is the one I pegged wrong. Completely wrong. I didn’t see her lasting even half as long as she has. I think we’re in a 2-person showdown and Kaitlyn is the 3rd wheel Canadian (we’ve all been there, right?). I’m fascinated that the girl that went on the Jimmy Kimmel date made it to the Fantasy Suite. The conversations from the one-on-one-on-Jimmy make me think that Jimmy Kimmel might be making an appearance in the Fantasy Suite with them. Considering that I’m predicting this to be my last week writing about Kaitlyn, I want to remind all of our loyal readers one more time that this is THE SAME GIRL THAT SAID CHRIS CAN PLOW HER FIELD ANY TIME. This TV show is the best thing to ever happen to America.

1. Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – Oh lord. It sounds like the baby voice is back tonight (the less girls, the more concentrated the voice). And Chris is sweating bullets in the preview when Whitney talks about not really wanting to spend her life in 500 person Arlington, Iowa (okay, that could be the Bali heat). But even with all of that, you can’t forget that this is a reality show about fake love. And Whitney’s in it to win it. At this stage in the game, she's built up a big enough connection to take the crown (read: ring). If Chris picks her, my guess is that it won’t last. Whitney’s a career oriented woman. And the only career in Arlington, Iowa other than farmer is professional Netflix watcher. Though at least if she had that job, it wouldn't require any talking.
2. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC – What an anomaly. Her hometown date wasn't a hometown date at all when instead of going to Canada (where she is from), we went to Phoenix, Arizona where her family vacations for part of the year (?). She also took Chris to her local recording studio (where the only entrance is apparently in the dirtiest alley in Arizona) to spit some rhymes (what?) before an uneventful trip to meet the family. Kaitlyn is everything the other girl’s aren't. She’s carefree, she’s spunky and she is simply enjoying life. I don’t think Chris will choose her in the end but with the Fantasy Suite dates tonight, she’s one step closer to “plowing the **** out of his fields.”
3. *Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – I hate to put my girl Becca in the three spot tonight but the combination of her age (8 years younger than Chris), her likely discomfort in the Fantasy Suite (she’s a virgin if you didn't hear her mention it over Ashley I. SCREAMING her virginity from the mountaintops) and the lack of real bonding might lead to her packing her bags. I think she’ll be sad and Chris will be sad (as sad as you can be after dating someone for a grand total of about 27 hours) when she goes home. But for Becca, that sadness will only last for a hot second when she realizes she is a prime candidate to the next Bachelorette. See you back at Bachelor mansion, Becca!

The Bachelor Five - Week 7 with Prince Farming

And then there were 3. Chase and I nailed the eliminations from last night when Chris said goodbye to Britt, Carly and Jade. With only two eliminations left, Chase has all but sealed a third straight Power Rankings title. But before we get to the updated score, it's also time to award the POWER 5 points. Chase and I both correctly predicted 2 of the Top 5 women (Chase predicted Whitney and Jade and I predicted Becca and Jade). That means each of us gets an additional 2 points (one for each correct POWER 5 prediction) bringing the total score to 240-237 in Chase's favor.

Exclusive deleted clip of Chris after Jade asked if he wanted to see her nude photos.

4 Sentence Recap

We picked up where we left off on Sunday night and Becca gets an uneventful one-on-one date to a good ole Iowa loft apartment (is there ANYTHING to do in Iowa?) before Chris says sayonara to Britt the Waitress (a tip for you: don’t like to future boyfriends) and Carly the Cruise Ship Singer (their relationship ultimately fell flat). Hometown dates are next and Chris heads to Becca’s family first in Louisiana and it’s so uneventful (they ride a Ferris wheel or something at the end), I almost miss that we are now in Chicago seeing Whitney’s job (“Come on Chris. This is where your sperm sample goes! HAHAHAHA LOVE ME.”) and her family (her sister is NOT impressed with Chris’ potential proposal). We then head to Phoenix to meet Kaitlyn’s Canadian family (they live there part of the year because that’s not weird at all) and the highlight of the visit is Chris spitting some serious(ly bad) rhymes because Kaitlyn is a rapper (?) in addition to her actual profession as a “Dance Instructor.” Last but not least is Jade’s hometown visit in Nebraska where we meet her brother with a Nebraska-cool, mustache-less goatee who reveals his sister is a wild mustang (what happens in Nebraska, stays in Nebraska, I guess) and Jade reveals that once upon a time she was a Playboy model (they decide to check out the photos in a shady motel like any normal couple would do) and before you know it Chris is saying goodbye to Jade the Cosmetics Developer (Ulta-mately, it didn’t work out) in an actual rose ceremony to close out an episode.

The Bachelor Five
The Five Things You Need to Know About The Two Night Episodes

5. Chris Tells All – SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZE. It’s kind of sad that the producers couldn’t fill a single hour with an interview with Prince Farming. Sure there were some great moments. Anytime we get to see Ashley S. clips, it’s a good day. But did we really learn anything new or revelatory? Chris is boring. The season’s been kind of boring. Look no further than the 15 minute filler interview with Andi to close out the Chris Tells All special.

4. Arlington, Iowa – What’s more boring than Chris himself? His hometown of Arlington, Iowa. There are small towns around the U.S. and then there are small towns. According to what we saw on the show, it doesn’t appear as if there is a single business in operation in the city of 400. And the only thing to do on Friday night is check out the local high school football game (was it just me or did it look like the game was a scrimmage between players on the same team…?). Even the town pastor was like, “Oh yeah you have to go elsewhere to do anything.” In his eyes you could practically read, “We’re trapped here. Do not voluntarily move here. DO NOT do it. The sunsets might try to trick you but I assure you IT’S ONLY A TRICK.” Whoever Chris picks is going to have a hard time getting used to driving an hour to get a pack of gum. More than anything, this could be a deal breaker.

3. Snitches Get Stitches – I briefly mentioned this in my Power Rankings yesterday but I think it bears repeating here: snitches on The Bachelor don’t advance. Carly used her precious one-on-one time with Chris during a group date to talk about Britt’s shortcomings. And what ended up happening? Britt went home but so did Carly. Meanwhile, Kaitlyn used the same amount of time during her one-on-one time with Chris during that group date to further their relationship. And where is she? Headed to Bali and in the Top 3. Perhaps Carly knew she was going home anyway and wanted to take the phony baloney Britt with her. But my advice to anyone going on The Bachelor (other than DON’T GO ON THE BACHELOR): focus on you.

2. Hometown Dates – It’s always weird to me when the bachelor himself asks for permission to marry one of the women when he’s still dating 3 other girls. No wonder Whitney’s sister was like “Bro. No way.” Then again, this is The Bachelor. And @TheFakeBachelor put it best:

1. A General Note on Dates – We discussed in last week’s edition of The Bachelor Five that it seems like the budget was severely cut for this season. But even on a smaller budget, you would think that the producers would use their creativity to come up with fun, visually interesting dates for Chris and the remaining women. NOT EVEN CLOSE. Consider that the last several dates (group and one-on-ones) have included such illustrious things as checking out Chris’ high school (free), walking around Des Moines, Iowa taking pictures (the cost of a cheap digital camera) and hanging out in a sketchy loft in an undisclosed Iowa location (whatever it cost to rent that loft + wine). And don’t forget the group date to go ice skating. Even Chris himself was unenthused and expressed that he’d only been ice skating maybe once in his life. Man don’t you just love it when no one likes what they are doing on a date? It really makes for compelling TV. Look. We get it. Iowa is as boring as the harvest is long. But couldn’t the producers put a little elbow grease into their planning and come up with ANYTHING more exciting than what we got. Thank goodness we are headed to Bali next week. Let’s hope they put whatever money they’ve got to good use.

Team Bachelor in Bali next week.

Bachelor Power Rankings - Week 7 PART 2 - "The Return of Prince Farming"

We said goodbye to Megan last night in Part 1 of a two night Bachelor event that culminates tonight. Chase and I both had her in spot 7 so the updated Power Rankings score is 223-220. Check below for the 4 Sentence Recap from last night's episode and updated rankings before tonight's episode!

Britt's reaction to the impromptu road trip to Arlington, Iowa.

4 Sentence Recap

Bachelor producers couldn't fill a single hour with Chris talking to Chris Harrison (dude's a bore) so they interviewed Andi (remember her?) on Chris Tells All about her break-up with Josh (she's sad - duh). After enduring that seemingly endless hour (thank goodness for Ashley S. clips!), Chris dumps Megan the Make-up Artist right off the bat (no foundation in that relationship) before the remaining 6 girls head to Iowa for the week. Jade and Whitney get one-on-one dates and do fun Iowa things like going to a high school football game (score!), making out in a high school hallway (score!), taking pictures in the streets of Des Moines (dream come true!) and staring at a mural that was painted just for them (Banksy alert!) and both Jade and Whitney seem destined for roses and taking Chris to their respective home towns to meet the fams. Kaitlyn, Carly and Britt head on a group ice skating date despite the fact that none of the three girls nor Chris know how to really skate nor do any of them care at all about ice skating in general (Bachelor producers were really struggling for date ideas in Iowa) and Kaitlyn gets the group date rose during a cocktail party at a storage facility (?) which causes Britt to break down to Chris (in front of Kaitlyn and Carly) about how upset she was that he is dating other women at the same time (does she know what show she is on?) and therefore putting her behind them.

Power Rankings

The Rules: We will rank the remaining Bachelor contestants. Points will be awarded each week based on how well each of us predicts the contestants going home. For example, if Josh puts CONTESTANT A in spot 7 and Chase puts CONTESTANT A in spot 10 and CONTESTANT A goes home, Josh will get 7 points and Chase will get 10.

The winner will be based on the player with the most cumulative points at the end of the season (this ain't golf, folks).

POWER 5: We will mark our Power 5 choices with a * so you can keep track of how well we predicted from the start. Chase now only has 2 in play (losing Jillian and Nikki in Week 4 and Kelsey last week). I'm also down to 2 after Tandra's exit in Week 2, Nikki's exit in Week 4 and Kelsey's exit last week.

NOTE: Chase and I do our rankings and analysis independently of one another. Any similarities in our commentary just means GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE, OKAY?

1. *Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – Chris Harrison once said that a picture is worth a thousand words. When the entire transcribed version of your television show involves less than 1,000 words (journey, amazing, right reasons)… it makes a mural worth even more than a thousand words. Whitney has finally jumped into my top slot. Downtown Des Moines will never be the same. Whitney has the inside track to being Chris’ personal fertility nurse. If you catch my drift.
2. Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – There’s a chance that Becca jumps back into the top slot. She just seems normal. Very calm, normal, relaxed. She’d be good in Iowa. My worry with Becca is her age. As nice as she is, I just think she’s too young for Chris. That’s my feel right now. That said, Becca is a serious contender and is the only person remaining to give Whitney a run for her money.
3. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC – Kaitlyn is safe. She has her rose. She’s not going anywhere. In my mind, if my top 4 are correct, the top 2 are your only contenders. Jade and Kaitlyn just aren’t serious contenders. Kaitlyn's safe for another week or two, but she’s not going to end up with a tape-delayed engagement ring in a few weeks.
4. *Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer, CA – He had 30 girls that he could’ve taken to a high school football game to meet his parents. And he chose the ex-playboy model. I’m very intrigued by the teasers “Hey Chris. I modeled in playboy.” And then it appears that they proceed to Google it. Which apparently none of the Bachelor producers did. Or maybe they all did. Last night’s episode makes it look like Jade makes it to the next round. I’m taking the bait and putting her into the top 5.
5. Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer, TX – Carly fell on the metaphorical grenade last night. The text conversation I was having with my lovely girlfriend during Carly’s mountaintop and valley travels last night was equally hilarious. I went from loving Carly, to thinking she was catty, to thinking she was just taking one for the team. Either way, I think Carly as The Bachelorette would be equal parts hilarious and perfect. She has my vote.
6. Britt, 27, Waitress, CA – Last night during #ChrisTellsAll, did anyone else notice Chris’ face when Harrison asked about Britt? You could tell he was taken—still taken—with Britt. I don’t believe Britt makes it past next week. Nor do I think she should. Carly set up a “beautiful” explosion…and honestly, that’s what you get if you’re not forthright. Liars never win. Unless you’re on Bachelor In Paradise. In which case, yeah. Britt wins.

1. Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – Despite saying that a day with Chris in Des Moines, Iowa was the greatest day of her life (ummm guess she’s never been to Old Mexico?!), Whitney is cementing herself as one the one to beat. If her hometown date goes well, she has a golden ticket to the finals.
2. *Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – She’s playing the quiet game and it’s worked so far. Chris is headed to her hometown. But after that? It’s hard to tell. My guess is that it’s straight back to Bachelor mansion for her press photo shoot for the next season of summer’s most entertaining program (The Bachelorette).
3. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC – She used her one-on-one time with Chris during the group date wisely unlike one of the other girls (see: Waddell, Carly) and opened up about her fears in the relationship (weirdly, she didn’t seem upset that he’s dating 5 other girls). As a result, Chris quelled her fears with the group date rose and now they’re headed to Canada to meet Kaitlyn’s family.  
4. *Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer, CA – The preview for tonight’s episode shows us she brings Chris home to meet the family. That’s the good news. The preview also reveals that she strips down her past (pun intended) and tells Chris about the nude modeling she did. It’s not that I think Chris will have a problem with it. It’s that I think he will have a problem with what it might do to his “good ole homeboy” image if he chooses her.  
5. Britt, 27, Waitress, CA – Last night was not good for Britt. After not getting the rose on the group date, she word vomited onto Chris about how her feelings were hurt… in front of Kaitlyn and Carly. Chris was taken aback and it’s clear that the once strong relationship is on rocky ground now. It doesn’t help that Britt really can’t see herself living in Arlington, Iowa (hey, they’ve got nice sunsets!). Goodbye #TeamBritt. I was never truly on board.
6. Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer, TX – Carly broke a cardinal rule of The Bachelor last night. Never use your one-on-one time with the bachelor himself to rat out another girl (in this case, Britt). She may be doing Chris a favor in the long term (she wasn’t wrong about Britt) but she’s not advancing her relationship with Chris at all by shooting the breeze about Britt’s tendency to bend the truth. Despite her sharp wit in some humorous confessionals, Carly’s relationship with Chris is in treble.