Next week, there won't be a Power Rankings on Monday as we take a break to enjoy the Women Tell All special. We'll be back with the Four Sentence Recap and The Bachelor Five next Tuesday before our final rankings (including each of our picks for a "winner") the following week.
The cumulative score to this point is Chase at 243 and Josh at 239.
The Four Sentence Recap
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| Chris' reaction to being peed on by an Indonesian monkey. |
With three women left, The Bachelor producers decided they could finally afford to travel further than a helicopter can fly and the remaining three women (Kaitlyn, Whitney and Becca) and Chris headed to Bali, Indonesia. There, Chris spent one magical day with each of the three women and did fun Indonesian things such as getting peed on by local monkeys (watching animals pee on humans is hilarious!), visiting no touching temples (I can't think of a better date than not being able to touch your significant other) and checking out an Indonesian farm (because, when you're a farmer, it's nice to compare). All three ladies spent a night in the Fantasy Suite with Prince Farming and Becca used her overnight time to tell Chris she was a virgin (I half expected Ashley I. to pop her head in and remind everyone that she was a virgin too) before Chris shockingly sent home Kaitlyn the Dance Instructor - presumably after she "plowed the **** out of his fields" in their overnight date (things just didn't swing her way). In the finale in two weeks, we head back to desolate, boring Arlington, Iowa and quietly wonder whether or not Neil Lane will be able to find Chris' hometown.
The Bachelor Five
The Five Things You Need to Know About Last Night's Episode
5. Monkeying Around in Bali – As Kaitlyn might say, “Bali’s a bit underwhelming, eh?” It didn’t seem like Bachelor producers took full advantage of being in a cool location. Sure a monkey peed on Chris. And sure the ladies and Chris visited some sacred temples. And yes Whitney and Chris visited a nondescript part of the Indian Ocean to… sit on a boat and kiss (?). But did anyone else feel like they wasted the time abroad? Especially since it looks like we’re headed back to Iowa next week. Snooze. Wake me up when we’re back at Bachelor mansion for The Bachelorette.
4. Chris Loves Everyone – With three ladies left, you might think that Chris is starting to feel more strongly about one of the women. After all, he’s about to drop on one knee and promise to spend the remainder of his harvest time with one of them. And yet, he openly admits to “falling in love” with ALL THREE. Not good, bro. I half expected Chris to pull a Brick Tamland and start professing his love to inanimate objects. He was able to deport Kaitlyn back to Canada but he’s got his work cut out for him if he hopes to find someone he actually loves instead of someone he fake loves.
3. Becca’s Revelation – Becca was cool as a cucumber when she
told Chris that she was a virgin. He was more awkward than John Travolta fondling Idina Menzel’s face at the Oscars upon hearing the news. But the
craziest thing: She didn’t even seem to notice. Poor Becca. I really like the
girl. I hope for her sake that Chris doesn’t pick her. She deserves someone who
is cool with her choice. Plus Chris rejecting Becca might mean we get another 3 months with her
as the next Bachelorette. And that's a world I want to live in.
The Five Things You Need to Know About Last Night's Episode
5. Monkeying Around in Bali – As Kaitlyn might say, “Bali’s a bit underwhelming, eh?” It didn’t seem like Bachelor producers took full advantage of being in a cool location. Sure a monkey peed on Chris. And sure the ladies and Chris visited some sacred temples. And yes Whitney and Chris visited a nondescript part of the Indian Ocean to… sit on a boat and kiss (?). But did anyone else feel like they wasted the time abroad? Especially since it looks like we’re headed back to Iowa next week. Snooze. Wake me up when we’re back at Bachelor mansion for The Bachelorette.
4. Chris Loves Everyone – With three ladies left, you might think that Chris is starting to feel more strongly about one of the women. After all, he’s about to drop on one knee and promise to spend the remainder of his harvest time with one of them. And yet, he openly admits to “falling in love” with ALL THREE. Not good, bro. I half expected Chris to pull a Brick Tamland and start professing his love to inanimate objects. He was able to deport Kaitlyn back to Canada but he’s got his work cut out for him if he hopes to find someone he actually loves instead of someone he fake loves.
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2. A Peculiar Rose Ceremony – Three things to note about this. 1. The outfits. Chris was forced to wear a KARATE uniform to dump one of the girls. And the show expected us to take this moment seriously?! Okay, it’s The Bachelor. Nothing is actually serious. But still. Sacred temple or not, it was goofy looking. On a related note, Chris Harrison also made his weekly Bachelor cameo ALSO WEARING A KARATE UNIFORM. 2. The rose ceremony took place in a sacred temple. I assure you that after production left the grounds, there was nothing sacred left. 3. Chris pulled Becca aside before the rose ceremony actually began. Usually this is a sign that that contestant is a goner (see: Nilsson, Britt). Instead, Chris just needed some reassurance and some time to sigh before he sent Kaitlyn home instead. Wow.
1. Kaitlyn’s Goodbye (Or the Curious Case of the Rooster) – Kaitlyn was understandably upset when Chris needed to jettison the awkward fourth wheel and picked her to be the unlucky winner. But as she was saying goodbye, something unexpected happened - a rooster sounded off loudly in the near distance. Perhaps this was a perfectly placed metaphor that not even the finest Bachelor producers could dream up. Because in fact, for Kaitlyn, this rooster wasn’t the first cock to crow triumphantly in Bali. But did she really need a reminder of her time in the Fantasy Suite with Chris as she was getting booted? That’s just adding insult to injury. @TheFakeBachelor put it best:
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