 |
| Exclusive deleted clip of Chris after Jade asked if he wanted to see her nude photos. |
4 Sentence Recap
We picked up where we left off on Sunday night and Becca
gets an uneventful one-on-one date to a good ole Iowa loft apartment (is there
ANYTHING to do in Iowa?) before Chris says sayonara to Britt the Waitress (a tip for you: don’t like to future boyfriends)
and Carly the Cruise Ship Singer (their relationship ultimately fell flat). Hometown dates are next and Chris
heads to Becca’s family first in Louisiana and it’s so uneventful (they ride a Ferris
wheel or something at the end), I almost miss that we are now in Chicago seeing
Whitney’s job (“Come on Chris. This is where your sperm sample goes! HAHAHAHA
LOVE ME.”) and her family (her sister is NOT impressed with Chris’ potential
proposal). We then head to Phoenix to meet Kaitlyn’s Canadian family (they live
there part of the year because that’s not weird at all) and the highlight of
the visit is Chris spitting some serious(ly bad) rhymes because Kaitlyn is a
rapper (?) in addition to her actual profession as a “Dance Instructor.” Last
but not least is Jade’s hometown visit in Nebraska where we meet her brother with a
Nebraska-cool, mustache-less goatee who reveals his sister is a wild mustang
(what happens in Nebraska, stays in Nebraska, I guess) and Jade reveals that
once upon a time she was a Playboy model (they decide to check out the photos
in a shady motel like any normal couple would do) and before you know it Chris is saying goodbye to Jade the
Cosmetics Developer (Ulta-mately, it
didn’t work out) in an actual rose ceremony to close out an episode.
The Bachelor Five
The Five Things You Need to Know About The Two Night Episodes
5. Chris Tells All – SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZE. It’s kind of sad that the producers couldn’t fill a single hour with an interview with Prince Farming. Sure there were some great moments. Anytime we get to see Ashley S. clips, it’s a good day. But did we really learn anything new or revelatory? Chris is boring. The season’s been kind of boring. Look no further than the 15 minute filler interview with Andi to close out the Chris Tells All special.
4. Arlington, Iowa – What’s more boring than Chris himself? His
hometown of Arlington, Iowa. There are small towns around the U.S. and then
there are small towns. According to what we saw on the show, it doesn’t
appear as if there is a single business in operation in the city of 400. And
the only thing to do on Friday night is check out the local high school
football game (was it just me or did it look like the game was a scrimmage
between players on the same team…?). Even the town pastor was like, “Oh yeah
you have to go elsewhere to do anything.” In his eyes you could practically
read, “We’re trapped here. Do not voluntarily move here. DO NOT do it. The
sunsets might try to trick you but I assure you IT’S ONLY A TRICK.” Whoever
Chris picks is going to have a hard time getting used to driving an hour to get
a pack of gum. More than anything, this could be a deal breaker.
3. Snitches Get Stitches – I briefly mentioned this in my Power
Rankings yesterday but I think it bears repeating here: snitches on The Bachelor don’t advance. Carly used
her precious one-on-one time with Chris during a group date to talk about Britt’s
shortcomings. And what ended up happening? Britt went home but so did Carly. Meanwhile, Kaitlyn used
the same amount of time during her one-on-one time with Chris during that group
date to further their relationship. And where is she? Headed to Bali and in the
Top 3. Perhaps Carly knew she was going home anyway and wanted to take the
phony baloney Britt with her. But my advice to anyone going on The Bachelor (other than DON’T GO ON THE BACHELOR): focus on you.
2. Hometown Dates – It’s always weird to me when the bachelor himself asks for permission to marry
one of the women when he’s still dating 3 other girls. No wonder Whitney’s
sister was like “Bro. No way.” Then again, this is The Bachelor. And @TheFakeBachelor put it best:
1. A General Note on Dates – We discussed in last week’s edition of The Bachelor Five that it
seems like the budget was severely cut for this season. But even on a smaller budget,
you would think that the producers would use their creativity to come up with
fun, visually interesting dates for Chris and the remaining women. NOT EVEN
CLOSE. Consider that the last several dates (group and one-on-ones) have
included such illustrious things as checking out Chris’ high school (free),
walking around Des Moines, Iowa taking pictures (the cost of a cheap digital
camera) and hanging out in a sketchy loft in an undisclosed Iowa location
(whatever it cost to rent that loft + wine). And don’t forget the group date to
go ice skating. Even Chris himself was unenthused and expressed that he’d only
been ice skating maybe once in his life. Man don’t you just love it when no one
likes what they are doing on a date? It really makes for compelling TV. Look. We get it.
Iowa is as boring as the harvest is long. But couldn’t the producers put a
little elbow grease into their planning and come up with ANYTHING more exciting
than what we got. Thank goodness we are headed to Bali next week. Let’s hope
they put whatever money they’ve got to good use.
 |
| Team Bachelor in Bali next week. |
No comments:
Post a Comment