Bachelorette Power Rankings - Week 2 - Kaitlyn the Canuck!

"Hey everybody. We've made a huge mistake with this two Bachelorette thing. I got a little drunk and well, it won't happen again. But those rose boxes were pretty amazing right?"

After a special two night premiere event, we officially have this season's Bachelorette. The men chose wisely and selected Canadian Kaitlyn instead of "cry over anything" Britt.

Now that we have this unfortunate twist behind us, we're ready to dive right into this season's rankings. We've got 19 men left and plenty of drama still to come. For anyone new to the rankings or for anyone who needs a refresher for how this thing works, check the quick primer below.

The Rules: We will rank the remaining Bachelorette contestants. Points will be awarded each week based on how well each of us predict the contestants going home. For example, if Josh puts CONTESTANT A in spot 7 and Chase puts CONTESTANT A in spot 10 and CONTESTANT A goes home, Josh will get 7 points and Chase will get 10. 

The winner will be based on the player with the most points at the end of the season (this ain't golf, folks). I've lost three straight seasons. Chase is going down.

POWER 5: We will mark our Power 5 choices with a * so you can keep track of how well we predicted from the start. Josh has all 5 in play. Chase is down to 4 after Bradley's exit last week.

 

1. Shawn B, 28, Personal Trainer, Windsor Locks, CT - Well this one was easy. Shawn B. pretty much took the world by storm last week. Kaitlyn was absolutely obsessed with him, and honestly, he seems like a pretty good dude.
2. *Joshua, 31, Industrial Welder, Kuna, ID - HE WELDED HER A ROSE, GUYS. 
3. Chris, 28, Dentist, Nashville, TN - Anyone that shows up in a cupcake is awesome. He made the first move on Kaitlyn getting a kiss (spoiler: doesn’t look like that means much this season.) There’s no chance he’s getting kicked off…it’d leave too big of a cavity in our hearts. 
4. *Ian, 28, Executive Recruiter, Los Angeles, CA - Ian’s confidence is what has him where he is. He came in, went 100% for Kaitlyn and is in the top 5 because of that. For the record, the whole “2 Bachelorettes” thing is a terrible idea. But Ian played his cards right and is in good position. (And he also just seems like a baller.)
5. *Ben Z, 26, Entrepreneur, San Jose, CA - 5^th place overall, but the top-ranked contestant named Ben, he seems to be grieving from losing his mom still. Reality TV isn’t really a place to work through those feelings, but again, he seems like a genuinely nice guy. 
6. Joe, 28, Insurance Agent, Columbia, KY - Holy moonshine. Where’d he come from?! Kaitlyn seemed to eat up his drawl and drink up his moonshine. 
7. Jared, 26, Restaurant Manager, Warwick, RI - If you’re going to get it wrong, you have to own it. And that’s what Jared did. He was #TeamBritt, but snagged the opportunity to be the first to approach Kaitlyn, admit he was wrong, and connect with her instead. Its so crazy that it just might work. 
8. Ben H, 26, Software Salesman, Denver, CO - Not far out of the “Who is the highest ranked Ben” Contest, Ben H. has potential to make a run. 
9. JJ, 32, Former Investment Banker, Denver, CO - I mean, they had a good connection, but I can’t take him seriously because of last season’s contestant, JJ the Pantsapreneur. 
10. Tanner, 28, Auto Finance Manager, Kansas City, MO - All I really know about this guy is that he gave tissues to the losing candidate for The Bachelorette. And that’s amazing. 
11. Ryan B, 32, Realtor, Wellington, FL - He’s all like HEY! I’M NOT DRUNK RYAN! Regardless of how far he goes, he’ll be the least memorable Ryan of the season. 
12. *Clint, 27, Architectural Engineer, Chicago, IL - Okay. I’ll admit it.   I was wrong. Clint is not going to the Bachelor next season. But, he very well may have produced the best thing I’ve ever seen on this TV show: Chris Harrison riding a triceratops. 
13. Corey, 30, Investment Banker, New York, NY - He’s winning the Cor(e)y battle, but not much else besides that. 
14. Kupah, 32, Entrepreneur, Boston, MA - Personally, I really hope Kupah goes far. Because he’s a Troopa. A Kupah Troopa. (Variations of this analysis is all that I’ll give on him this season). 
15. Cory, 35, Residential Developer, Pearland, TX - Guys that spell their names “Cory” are disappointed that he’s being overshadowed by some guy named “Corey”. 
16. Justin, 28, Fitness Trainer, Naperville, IL - I have no idea who Justin is, so I’m going to use this space to talk about Nick V. WHAT ON EARTH?! So many questions. Why is he back? Why would anyone want him back? Why does it look like he’s going to be on the show all season? Why am I going to have to include him in my power rankings? 
17. Jonathan, 33, Automotive Spokesman, Detroit, MI - This guy is the antithesis of Ian. Putting all is roses in one unique carved wooden box, if you will. Never choose Britt to be the Bachelorette. 
18. Daniel, 28, Fashion Designer, Nashville, TN - Not wild about the 2-tone color in his cast photo. Pick 1 color, dude. 
19. Tony, 35, Healer, St. Louis, MO - This guy is up there as one of the weirdest contestants I’ve seen that has made it past the first night.  Kissing plants? Being in love with the losing Bachelorette contestant? Having a mysterious black eye? I don’t want this guy to go home, but he needs to.

 

1. *Shawn B, 28, Personal Trainer, Windsor Locks, CT - Dude just has a connection with Kaitlyn. The semi-Ryan Gosling lookalike grabbed the coveted First Impression Rose. Expect him to go far. And judging by the extended season preview, could it be that Shawn B goes TOO FAR (if you catch my drift)? 
2. *Joshua, 31, Industrial Welder, Kuna, ID - My namesake doing me proud. He was Team Kaitlyn from the beginning and made her a rad metal rose. Safe for a while. 
3. Chris, 28, Dentist, Nashville, TN - This dentist from Nashville had two big moments in the premiere. He rode in on a cupcake (not a typo) and grabbed the first kiss from Kaitlyn. 
4. Joe, 28, Insurance Agent, Columbia, KY - Joe is perhaps the most genuine person on this season of The Bachelorette. He reminds me a little bit of Chris with his awkward nerves and dopey sense of self. The familiarity will help for a while but I think Kaitlyn needs someone with a little more spunk.
5. Jared, 26, Restaurant Manager, Warwick, RI - This guy has some seriously unfortunate facial hair but Kaitlyn appears to be looking straight past that. Judging by Kaitlyn’s approval of his honesty (she gave him a rose after he told her he voted for #TeamBritt) and the extended preview (he appears to make it as far as getting a kiss in some exotic location), he will be around for a little while. 
6. *Ben H, 26, Software Salesman, Denver, CO - Nothing spectacular last week but got an early rose in the rose ceremony last week. He will stick around for a bit. 
7. JJ, 32, Former Investment Banker, Denver, CO - One of several single fathers on this season, JJ seemed to make a connection with Kaitlyn. I don’t think Kaitlyn wants a kid in the mix long term but I’m intrigued to see how far he might go.  Plus WHAT IS HIS PROFESSION NOW?
8. Ryan B, 32, Realtor, Wellington, FL - Ryan was Team Kaitlyn all the way so that’s a plus for his chances in the long term. But this clown didn’t even wear a tie to the rose ceremony. SMH. 
9. Jonathan, 33, Automotive Spokesman, Detroit, MI - The most vocal of the #TeamBritt contingent. Snuck by in the first rose ceremony but certainly won’t get away that easily through the course of the season. 
10. Daniel, 28, Fashion Designer, Nashville, TN - Voted for Britt. Otherwise, a snore. Is he here for the right reasons?
11. Kupah, 32, Entrepreneur, Boston, MA - See Daniel above. 
12. *Ian, 28, Executive Recruiter, Los Angeles, CA - Ian was especially aggressive in campaigning for Kaitlyn as this season’s Bachelorette. But his passion for Kaitlyn is bordering on creepy. He’s only known her for 24 hours. Ian needs to tone it down or he’s going to get the boot sooner rather than later. 
13. Clint, 27, Architectural Engineer, Chicago, IL - I didn’t get a good handle on Clint in the first two episodes but he could fill the Bachelorette mansion meat head quotient that we inevitably get every season. 
14. Ben Z, 26, Entrepreneur, San Jose, CA - The lesser of the Bens so I've arbitrarily put him in spot 14. 
15. *Justin, 28, Fitness Trainer, Naperville, IL - He got a rose pretty late in the ceremony. I think he squeaks by this week but won’t be one of our true contenders. I fear Justin is a POWER 5 faux pas. 
16. Tanner, 28, Auto Finance Manager, Kansas City, MO - I can’t remember anything about this guy so I’m basing this solely on the fact that he’s wearing a black v-neck in his cast photo. Dude. What? 
17. Corey, 30, Investment Banker, New York, NY - Ugh. Corey looks so corporate. Pass. 
18. Cory, 35, Residential Developer, Pearland, TX - He gave an awkward thumbs up when his name was called at the rose ceremony and has a convincingly awkward look on his face in his cast photo. Awkward + awkward = SUPER AWKWARD. 
19. Tony, 35, Healer, St. Louis, MO - He was blatantly Team Britt (her box was pulsating) and the self-proclaimed “healer” had a mysterious (and still unexplained) black eye (WHY CAN'T YOU HEAL YOURSELF, BRO?). He’s not long for this season.

Bachelorette Power Rankings - Week 1 - "Kaitlyn vs. Britt"

They're back!

Ah. Spring has sprung, summer is around the corner and The Bachelorette premieres tonight. It seems like just yesterday we were watching Chris propose to whatsherface Whitney in the middle of Iowa. It was sort of great and sort of weird at the same time (did The Bachelor interns have to scoop poop out of the barn the day before to get ready for the proposal?).

By the end of the After the Final Rose special, we were all ready for the announcement of the next Bachelorette. Would we get bland playmate Jade? Perhaps fun-loving cruise ship crooner Carly (her hand puppets were to die for!). Or maybe Becca, Chris' final reject? 

But then out of nowhere, we were treated to a bombshell. TWO BACHELORETTES - ole whiny Britt and feisty Canadian Kaitlyn competing against each other first and then for the affections of 25 guys. As if this show wasn't crazy enough, they dropped this on us. 

Everyone's reaction was pretty much this:

Even Joaquin Phoenix was shocked.

So while we may hate the idea (and really, we do), we must trudge forward with our duty of ranking these 25 men who've voluntarily put themselves on the dumbest/greatest show on earth each week. I've lost three straight seasons to Chase. But I feel like this is my season!

Just as we did for Chris' season of The Bachelor, Chase and I won't do a blind ranking of this season's contestants. Instead, we will choose our POWER 5 this week as well as who we think will be this season's Bachelorette (honestly we're not even sure if that's how tonight will go down but it seems as good a guess as anyone has).

POWER 5

For those of you not familiar, the POWER 5 are the five men each of us thinks has the best shot at making the actual final 5. If you think this is nearly impossible with 25 men to start, you'd be sort of right. But for some context, even though it's a blind guess with only brief bios and a short teaser clip from ABC to guide us, we both did remarkably well last season. Each one of us had a POWER 5 pick in the FINAL 2. Yeah, we're pretty good like that. 
 
Scoring of the POWER 5 is pretty straightforward. When we get to the final 5 men, Chase and I will revisit each of our POWER 5 choices. For each man in our POWER 5 who makes the actual final 5, we will be awarded 1 bonus point (for a maximum of 5 bonus points). If one of our POWER 5 choices wins the whole thing, that person will receive an additional 5 bonus bonus points.
 
BACHELORETTE CHOICE
 
This one is pretty cut and dry. Based on virtually no information about tonight's episode, each of us will attempt to name who we think will be this season's Bachelorette. It's a 50/50 shot. Britt or Kaitlyn.
 
If one of us manages to correctly guess, that player will receive an automatic 3 bonus points.
 
Without further ado, here are each of our POWER 5 choices as well as our predictions for who will be this season's Bachelorette.

 

POWER 5

1. Ben Z, 26, Entrepreneur, San Jose, CA - Ben’s answer to the “lunch with one person” question is spot on. Choosing your mom is always the right answer. My worry with fitness coaches is their over-the-top love of fitness, but I think he’ll be around for a while. And his favorite movie is Wedding Crashers— think of the foreshadowing from last season’s date with Chris & eventual winner, Whitney. This is happening.

2. Joshua, 31, Industrial Wielder, Kuna, ID - In a new strategy this year, I’m cheering for someone named Joshua. Simply because I think it's going to give me the karmic advantage over my fellow ranker and blog buddy Josh.

3. Bradley, 25, International Auto Shipper, Atlanta, GA - He’s a Division 1 athlete that packs a healthy sense of sarcasm. If Kaitlyn advances, I think Bradley goes a long way.

4. Ian, 28, Executive Recruiter, Los Angeles, CA - Dude wants to have lunch with Jimmy Kimmel. Lets make this happen, ABC. His admiration of Richard Branson is unique and shows he’s pretty well-versed in the field of business. I think Ian makes a good run & will also make for good TV.

5. Clint, 27, Architectural Engineer, Chicago, IL - Choosing Chuck Norris as “who you’d want to be for a day” is a pretty solid selection. Clint fits the profile of a Bachelorette contestant. The Juan Pablo-esque locks, the big-city flare, the admiration of his father’s work ethic. In this POWER 5 business of judging a book by its cover, this cover seems like he’ll be a best-seller. In fact, I’ll take it one step further: Clint will be next season’s Bachelor. You heard it here first.

BACHELORETTE CHOICE

• My heart: The visceral side of me is telling me that it will be Kaitlyn. The guys know Britt’s manipulative side. They’ve seen it. Kaitlyn would be the ultimate Bachelorette. Down with Costco dates, Jimmy Kimmel loves her and is dynamic enough that the dates aren’t just going to be your standard, run of the mill Bachelorette dates. 
• My gut: Everyone last year was seemingly on #TeamBritt for the first 8-10 weeks of the show. Britt’s true colors seemed to show, but it seemed that Bachelor Nation was on Team Britt. My gut is telling me the guys are going to fall for her.
• My choice: If there is one thing that the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchised has taught me, it is to always trust your heart. I’m going to go Kaitlyn and a season of her Canadian swagger. AND GUYS BRITT DOESN’T SHOWER. 

 

POWER 5

1. Ben H, 26, Software Salesman, Denver, CO - PROS: This dude is tall (6'4"), handsome (check out that smile!), good taste in movies (The Sandlot, 500 Days of Summer). CONS: software salesman (is this code for unemployed?); age (26 is pretty young to be ready for a long term commitment - especially for someone who is voluntarily on The Bachelorette). He could either be out on night 1 or go to the end. I'm hoping it's the latter.

2. Ian, 28, Executive Recruiter, Los Angeles, CA - Ian is a wild card. He could go far but likely won't. And I really hate saying that because he seems like a good dude. But people of color have had a tough road on this franchise. And when I picked Marcus as part of my POWER 5 in Andi's season last year, that didn't work out for me. But I have confidence in Ian. Good looking guy, tall, athletic. He's the full package. Let's hope whichever lady is our Bachelorette recognizes it as well.

3. Joshua, 31, Industrial Welder, Kuna, ID - A good looking guy who has a real job (industrial welder) and lives in a part of the United States that doesn't start with "Los" and end with "Angeles." He also lists Dumb and Dumber as one of his favorite movies (#noshame #comingoutstrong). He's got nine (!) tattoos (seriously, where is he hiding these?) but has done some totally rad stuff like climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro. And how can I not pick one of the two guys with my namesake?

4. Justin, 28, Fitness Trainer Naperville, IL - I hesitate to put two fitness gurus/personal trainers in my POWER 5 (see: B, Shawn below), but Justin seems like a really standup guy. His taste in movies is strong, he seems to have a solid 5 year plan and his answer for who he'd want to be for a day was actually pretty great. If he's as good in real life as he is on paper, we could see a deep run for Justin.
 
5. Shawn B, 28, Personal Trainer, Windsor Locks, CT - I'm a little concerned he might be too much of a frat guy (personal trainer - "do you even lift, bro?") but for some reason, he looks pretty genuine in his photo. He also comes across as pretty normal in his bio and manages to slip in hints that he likes kids (check), likes dogs (check) and, pretty explicitly, that he loves One Direction (triple check!). He notes that his biggest accomplishment was owning/rehabbing an 1888 farmhouse. Perfect bridge from Chris Soules?!

BACHELORETTE CHOICE

Kaitlyn - Kaitlyn is fun, funny and will keep the show moving throughout the season. Plus this keeps our neighbors up North happy, eh? She's cute, knows Jimmy Kimmel (please give us another cameo!) and she raps. Don't forget that she raps. Plus I can't possibly throw my support behind someone who doesn't wash her hair and sleeps in her make-up. Ew, Britt. Go home.