The Bachelor Five - Week 8 with Prince Farming

The battle royale has been set. 30 women entered. Two remain. And it appears to be two seemingly really nice women. Once again, Chase got the better of me in our rankings this week and picked up an additional point to secure his third consecutive Bachelor Power Rankings crown after Prince Farming sent Kaitlyn packing. Congratulations, Chase! 

Next week, there won't be a Power Rankings on Monday as we take a break to enjoy the Women Tell All special. We'll be back with the Four Sentence Recap and The Bachelor Five next Tuesday before our final rankings (including each of our picks for a "winner") the following week. 

The cumulative score to this point is Chase at 243 and Josh at 239.

Chris' reaction to being peed on by an Indonesian monkey.

The Four Sentence Recap

With three women left, The Bachelor producers decided they could finally afford to travel further than a helicopter can fly and the remaining three women (Kaitlyn, Whitney and Becca) and Chris headed to Bali, Indonesia. There, Chris spent one magical day with each of the three women and did fun Indonesian things such as getting peed on by local monkeys (watching animals pee on humans is hilarious!), visiting no touching temples (I can't think of a better date than not being able to touch your significant other) and checking out an Indonesian farm (because, when you're a farmer, it's nice to compare). All three ladies spent a night in the Fantasy Suite with Prince Farming and Becca used her overnight time to tell Chris she was a virgin (I half expected Ashley I. to pop her head in and remind everyone that she was a virgin too) before Chris shockingly sent home Kaitlyn the Dance Instructor - presumably after she "plowed the **** out of his fields" in their overnight date (things just didn't swing her way). In the finale in two weeks, we head back to desolate, boring Arlington, Iowa and quietly wonder whether or not Neil Lane will be able to find Chris' hometown.

The Bachelor Five
The Five Things You Need to Know About Last Night's Episode

5. Monkeying Around in Bali – As Kaitlyn might say, “Bali’s a bit underwhelming, eh?” It didn’t seem like Bachelor producers took full advantage of being in a cool location. Sure a monkey peed on Chris. And sure the ladies and Chris visited some sacred temples. And yes Whitney and Chris visited a nondescript part of the Indian Ocean to… sit on a boat and kiss (?). But did anyone else feel like they wasted the time abroad? Especially since it looks like we’re headed back to Iowa next week. Snooze. Wake me up when we’re back at Bachelor mansion for The Bachelorette.

4. Chris Loves Everyone – With three ladies left, you might think that Chris is starting to feel more strongly about one of the women. After all, he’s about to drop on one knee and promise to spend the remainder of his harvest time with one of them. And yet, he openly admits to “falling in love” with ALL THREE. Not good, bro. I half expected Chris to pull a Brick Tamland and start professing his love to inanimate objects. He was able to deport Kaitlyn back to Canada but he’s got his work cut out for him if he hopes to find someone he actually loves instead of someone he fake loves.

3. Becca’s Revelation – Becca was cool as a cucumber when she told Chris that she was a virgin. He was more awkward than John Travolta fondling Idina Menzel’s face at the Oscars upon hearing the news. But the craziest thing: She didn’t even seem to notice. Poor Becca. I really like the girl. I hope for her sake that Chris doesn’t pick her. She deserves someone who is cool with her choice. Plus Chris rejecting Becca might mean we get another 3 months with her as the next Bachelorette. And that's a world I want to live in.

2. A Peculiar Rose Ceremony – Three things to note about this. 1. The outfits. Chris was forced to wear a KARATE uniform to dump one of the girls. And the show expected us to take this moment seriously?! Okay, it’s The Bachelor. Nothing is actually serious. But still. Sacred temple or not, it was goofy looking. On a related note, Chris Harrison also made his weekly Bachelor cameo ALSO WEARING A KARATE UNIFORM. 2. The rose ceremony took place in a sacred temple. I assure you that after production left the grounds, there was nothing sacred left. 3. Chris pulled Becca aside before the rose ceremony actually began. Usually this is a sign that that contestant is a goner (see: Nilsson, Britt). Instead, Chris just needed some reassurance and some time to sigh before he sent Kaitlyn home instead. Wow.

1. Kaitlyn’s Goodbye (Or the Curious Case of the Rooster) – Kaitlyn was understandably upset when Chris needed to jettison the awkward fourth wheel and picked her to be the unlucky winner. But as she was saying goodbye, something unexpected happened - a rooster sounded off loudly in the near distance. Perhaps this was a perfectly placed metaphor that not even the finest Bachelor producers could dream up. Because in fact, for Kaitlyn, this rooster wasn’t the first cock to crow triumphantly in Bali. But did she really need a reminder of her time in the Fantasy Suite with Chris as she was getting booted? That’s just adding insult to injury. @TheFakeBachelor put it best:

Bachelor Power Rankings - Week 8 - "The Return of Prince Farming"

With three episodes left (one tonight, Women Tell All next week, and a finale the week after that), we are down to a trio of ladies vying for Prince Farming’s (artichoke) heart.

If you missed last week’s 4 Sentence Recaps or The Bachelor Five from the double episode last week, you can find them here and here.

Exclusive sneak peak at Chris' reaction when he realizes he chose Becca the virgin over Jade the Playboy model to take to the Fantasy Suite.

Now for this week’s rankings. Chase has the narrowest of leads (240-237) and only a miracle can propel me to a win (read: time machine).

The Rules: We will rank the remaining Bachelor contestants. Points will be awarded each week based on how well each of us predicts the contestants going home. For example, if Josh puts CONTESTANT A in spot 7 and Chase puts CONTESTANT A in spot 10 and CONTESTANT A goes home, Josh will get 7 points and Chase will get 10.

The winner will be based on the player with the most cumulative points at the end of the season (this ain't golf, folks).

POWER 5: We will mark our Power 5 choices with a * so you can keep track of how well we predicted from the start. Chase now only has 1 in play (losing Jillian and Nikki in Week 4, Kelsey in Week 6 and Jade last week). I'm also down to 1 after Tandra's exit in Week 2, Nikki's exit in Week 4, Kelsey's exit in Week 6 and Jade's exit last week.

All things considered, each of us has a POWER 5 choice in the Top 3. And it looks like one of them might take the win (Chase has Whitney and I've got Becca).

Power Rankings

1. *Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – Before we even get into these rankings, I’m going to go ahead and give you a power ranking spoiler preview: nothing changed. Whitney still has a mural and she is still in the top spot for my power rankings this week. Whitney has consistently shined…she’s stayed above the fray, but has also spent some time in the trenches among the Bachelor Mansion schisms. Her one-on-one wedding crasher date could have almost certainly been faked, but the connection established at this date has had long lasting implications. The rapport they established by being able to look across the room of (alleged) strangers, make eye contact, and smile knowing the shared secret is special and makes me want to keep her in the top spot. Whitney is getting a ring, y’all.
2. Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – I’m saying it again. I really, really like Becca. She occupied my top slot for several weeks. She’s ridiculously humble, kind and certainly has a strong connection to Chris. Bachelor producers are playing up the virgin plot line (everyone miss Ashley I?), but I really hope it doesn’t lead to any ill will from Chris. As has been said throughout the year (and echoed by Becca) the fact that she is a virgin just isn’t. a. big. deal.  I’d love for Becca to win it all, I really would. I think she and Chris would be good together. At the end of the day, this is probably the easiest way to sum it up: Becca seems to be a wonderful person.
3. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC – I haven’t understood this all season. Kaitlyn is the one I pegged wrong. Completely wrong. I didn’t see her lasting even half as long as she has. I think we’re in a 2-person showdown and Kaitlyn is the 3rd wheel Canadian (we’ve all been there, right?). I’m fascinated that the girl that went on the Jimmy Kimmel date made it to the Fantasy Suite. The conversations from the one-on-one-on-Jimmy make me think that Jimmy Kimmel might be making an appearance in the Fantasy Suite with them. Considering that I’m predicting this to be my last week writing about Kaitlyn, I want to remind all of our loyal readers one more time that this is THE SAME GIRL THAT SAID CHRIS CAN PLOW HER FIELD ANY TIME. This TV show is the best thing to ever happen to America.

1. Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – Oh lord. It sounds like the baby voice is back tonight (the less girls, the more concentrated the voice). And Chris is sweating bullets in the preview when Whitney talks about not really wanting to spend her life in 500 person Arlington, Iowa (okay, that could be the Bali heat). But even with all of that, you can’t forget that this is a reality show about fake love. And Whitney’s in it to win it. At this stage in the game, she's built up a big enough connection to take the crown (read: ring). If Chris picks her, my guess is that it won’t last. Whitney’s a career oriented woman. And the only career in Arlington, Iowa other than farmer is professional Netflix watcher. Though at least if she had that job, it wouldn't require any talking.
2. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC – What an anomaly. Her hometown date wasn't a hometown date at all when instead of going to Canada (where she is from), we went to Phoenix, Arizona where her family vacations for part of the year (?). She also took Chris to her local recording studio (where the only entrance is apparently in the dirtiest alley in Arizona) to spit some rhymes (what?) before an uneventful trip to meet the family. Kaitlyn is everything the other girl’s aren't. She’s carefree, she’s spunky and she is simply enjoying life. I don’t think Chris will choose her in the end but with the Fantasy Suite dates tonight, she’s one step closer to “plowing the **** out of his fields.”
3. *Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – I hate to put my girl Becca in the three spot tonight but the combination of her age (8 years younger than Chris), her likely discomfort in the Fantasy Suite (she’s a virgin if you didn't hear her mention it over Ashley I. SCREAMING her virginity from the mountaintops) and the lack of real bonding might lead to her packing her bags. I think she’ll be sad and Chris will be sad (as sad as you can be after dating someone for a grand total of about 27 hours) when she goes home. But for Becca, that sadness will only last for a hot second when she realizes she is a prime candidate to the next Bachelorette. See you back at Bachelor mansion, Becca!

The Bachelor Five - Week 7 with Prince Farming

And then there were 3. Chase and I nailed the eliminations from last night when Chris said goodbye to Britt, Carly and Jade. With only two eliminations left, Chase has all but sealed a third straight Power Rankings title. But before we get to the updated score, it's also time to award the POWER 5 points. Chase and I both correctly predicted 2 of the Top 5 women (Chase predicted Whitney and Jade and I predicted Becca and Jade). That means each of us gets an additional 2 points (one for each correct POWER 5 prediction) bringing the total score to 240-237 in Chase's favor.

Exclusive deleted clip of Chris after Jade asked if he wanted to see her nude photos.

4 Sentence Recap

We picked up where we left off on Sunday night and Becca gets an uneventful one-on-one date to a good ole Iowa loft apartment (is there ANYTHING to do in Iowa?) before Chris says sayonara to Britt the Waitress (a tip for you: don’t like to future boyfriends) and Carly the Cruise Ship Singer (their relationship ultimately fell flat). Hometown dates are next and Chris heads to Becca’s family first in Louisiana and it’s so uneventful (they ride a Ferris wheel or something at the end), I almost miss that we are now in Chicago seeing Whitney’s job (“Come on Chris. This is where your sperm sample goes! HAHAHAHA LOVE ME.”) and her family (her sister is NOT impressed with Chris’ potential proposal). We then head to Phoenix to meet Kaitlyn’s Canadian family (they live there part of the year because that’s not weird at all) and the highlight of the visit is Chris spitting some serious(ly bad) rhymes because Kaitlyn is a rapper (?) in addition to her actual profession as a “Dance Instructor.” Last but not least is Jade’s hometown visit in Nebraska where we meet her brother with a Nebraska-cool, mustache-less goatee who reveals his sister is a wild mustang (what happens in Nebraska, stays in Nebraska, I guess) and Jade reveals that once upon a time she was a Playboy model (they decide to check out the photos in a shady motel like any normal couple would do) and before you know it Chris is saying goodbye to Jade the Cosmetics Developer (Ulta-mately, it didn’t work out) in an actual rose ceremony to close out an episode.

The Bachelor Five
The Five Things You Need to Know About The Two Night Episodes

5. Chris Tells All – SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZE. It’s kind of sad that the producers couldn’t fill a single hour with an interview with Prince Farming. Sure there were some great moments. Anytime we get to see Ashley S. clips, it’s a good day. But did we really learn anything new or revelatory? Chris is boring. The season’s been kind of boring. Look no further than the 15 minute filler interview with Andi to close out the Chris Tells All special.

4. Arlington, Iowa – What’s more boring than Chris himself? His hometown of Arlington, Iowa. There are small towns around the U.S. and then there are small towns. According to what we saw on the show, it doesn’t appear as if there is a single business in operation in the city of 400. And the only thing to do on Friday night is check out the local high school football game (was it just me or did it look like the game was a scrimmage between players on the same team…?). Even the town pastor was like, “Oh yeah you have to go elsewhere to do anything.” In his eyes you could practically read, “We’re trapped here. Do not voluntarily move here. DO NOT do it. The sunsets might try to trick you but I assure you IT’S ONLY A TRICK.” Whoever Chris picks is going to have a hard time getting used to driving an hour to get a pack of gum. More than anything, this could be a deal breaker.

3. Snitches Get Stitches – I briefly mentioned this in my Power Rankings yesterday but I think it bears repeating here: snitches on The Bachelor don’t advance. Carly used her precious one-on-one time with Chris during a group date to talk about Britt’s shortcomings. And what ended up happening? Britt went home but so did Carly. Meanwhile, Kaitlyn used the same amount of time during her one-on-one time with Chris during that group date to further their relationship. And where is she? Headed to Bali and in the Top 3. Perhaps Carly knew she was going home anyway and wanted to take the phony baloney Britt with her. But my advice to anyone going on The Bachelor (other than DON’T GO ON THE BACHELOR): focus on you.

2. Hometown Dates – It’s always weird to me when the bachelor himself asks for permission to marry one of the women when he’s still dating 3 other girls. No wonder Whitney’s sister was like “Bro. No way.” Then again, this is The Bachelor. And @TheFakeBachelor put it best:

1. A General Note on Dates – We discussed in last week’s edition of The Bachelor Five that it seems like the budget was severely cut for this season. But even on a smaller budget, you would think that the producers would use their creativity to come up with fun, visually interesting dates for Chris and the remaining women. NOT EVEN CLOSE. Consider that the last several dates (group and one-on-ones) have included such illustrious things as checking out Chris’ high school (free), walking around Des Moines, Iowa taking pictures (the cost of a cheap digital camera) and hanging out in a sketchy loft in an undisclosed Iowa location (whatever it cost to rent that loft + wine). And don’t forget the group date to go ice skating. Even Chris himself was unenthused and expressed that he’d only been ice skating maybe once in his life. Man don’t you just love it when no one likes what they are doing on a date? It really makes for compelling TV. Look. We get it. Iowa is as boring as the harvest is long. But couldn’t the producers put a little elbow grease into their planning and come up with ANYTHING more exciting than what we got. Thank goodness we are headed to Bali next week. Let’s hope they put whatever money they’ve got to good use.

Team Bachelor in Bali next week.

Bachelor Power Rankings - Week 7 PART 2 - "The Return of Prince Farming"

We said goodbye to Megan last night in Part 1 of a two night Bachelor event that culminates tonight. Chase and I both had her in spot 7 so the updated Power Rankings score is 223-220. Check below for the 4 Sentence Recap from last night's episode and updated rankings before tonight's episode!

Britt's reaction to the impromptu road trip to Arlington, Iowa.

4 Sentence Recap

Bachelor producers couldn't fill a single hour with Chris talking to Chris Harrison (dude's a bore) so they interviewed Andi (remember her?) on Chris Tells All about her break-up with Josh (she's sad - duh). After enduring that seemingly endless hour (thank goodness for Ashley S. clips!), Chris dumps Megan the Make-up Artist right off the bat (no foundation in that relationship) before the remaining 6 girls head to Iowa for the week. Jade and Whitney get one-on-one dates and do fun Iowa things like going to a high school football game (score!), making out in a high school hallway (score!), taking pictures in the streets of Des Moines (dream come true!) and staring at a mural that was painted just for them (Banksy alert!) and both Jade and Whitney seem destined for roses and taking Chris to their respective home towns to meet the fams. Kaitlyn, Carly and Britt head on a group ice skating date despite the fact that none of the three girls nor Chris know how to really skate nor do any of them care at all about ice skating in general (Bachelor producers were really struggling for date ideas in Iowa) and Kaitlyn gets the group date rose during a cocktail party at a storage facility (?) which causes Britt to break down to Chris (in front of Kaitlyn and Carly) about how upset she was that he is dating other women at the same time (does she know what show she is on?) and therefore putting her behind them.

Power Rankings

The Rules: We will rank the remaining Bachelor contestants. Points will be awarded each week based on how well each of us predicts the contestants going home. For example, if Josh puts CONTESTANT A in spot 7 and Chase puts CONTESTANT A in spot 10 and CONTESTANT A goes home, Josh will get 7 points and Chase will get 10.

The winner will be based on the player with the most cumulative points at the end of the season (this ain't golf, folks).

POWER 5: We will mark our Power 5 choices with a * so you can keep track of how well we predicted from the start. Chase now only has 2 in play (losing Jillian and Nikki in Week 4 and Kelsey last week). I'm also down to 2 after Tandra's exit in Week 2, Nikki's exit in Week 4 and Kelsey's exit last week.

NOTE: Chase and I do our rankings and analysis independently of one another. Any similarities in our commentary just means GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE, OKAY?

1. *Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – Chris Harrison once said that a picture is worth a thousand words. When the entire transcribed version of your television show involves less than 1,000 words (journey, amazing, right reasons)… it makes a mural worth even more than a thousand words. Whitney has finally jumped into my top slot. Downtown Des Moines will never be the same. Whitney has the inside track to being Chris’ personal fertility nurse. If you catch my drift.
2. Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – There’s a chance that Becca jumps back into the top slot. She just seems normal. Very calm, normal, relaxed. She’d be good in Iowa. My worry with Becca is her age. As nice as she is, I just think she’s too young for Chris. That’s my feel right now. That said, Becca is a serious contender and is the only person remaining to give Whitney a run for her money.
3. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC – Kaitlyn is safe. She has her rose. She’s not going anywhere. In my mind, if my top 4 are correct, the top 2 are your only contenders. Jade and Kaitlyn just aren’t serious contenders. Kaitlyn's safe for another week or two, but she’s not going to end up with a tape-delayed engagement ring in a few weeks.
4. *Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer, CA – He had 30 girls that he could’ve taken to a high school football game to meet his parents. And he chose the ex-playboy model. I’m very intrigued by the teasers “Hey Chris. I modeled in playboy.” And then it appears that they proceed to Google it. Which apparently none of the Bachelor producers did. Or maybe they all did. Last night’s episode makes it look like Jade makes it to the next round. I’m taking the bait and putting her into the top 5.
5. Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer, TX – Carly fell on the metaphorical grenade last night. The text conversation I was having with my lovely girlfriend during Carly’s mountaintop and valley travels last night was equally hilarious. I went from loving Carly, to thinking she was catty, to thinking she was just taking one for the team. Either way, I think Carly as The Bachelorette would be equal parts hilarious and perfect. She has my vote.
6. Britt, 27, Waitress, CA – Last night during #ChrisTellsAll, did anyone else notice Chris’ face when Harrison asked about Britt? You could tell he was taken—still taken—with Britt. I don’t believe Britt makes it past next week. Nor do I think she should. Carly set up a “beautiful” explosion…and honestly, that’s what you get if you’re not forthright. Liars never win. Unless you’re on Bachelor In Paradise. In which case, yeah. Britt wins.

1. Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – Despite saying that a day with Chris in Des Moines, Iowa was the greatest day of her life (ummm guess she’s never been to Old Mexico?!), Whitney is cementing herself as one the one to beat. If her hometown date goes well, she has a golden ticket to the finals.
2. *Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – She’s playing the quiet game and it’s worked so far. Chris is headed to her hometown. But after that? It’s hard to tell. My guess is that it’s straight back to Bachelor mansion for her press photo shoot for the next season of summer’s most entertaining program (The Bachelorette).
3. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC – She used her one-on-one time with Chris during the group date wisely unlike one of the other girls (see: Waddell, Carly) and opened up about her fears in the relationship (weirdly, she didn’t seem upset that he’s dating 5 other girls). As a result, Chris quelled her fears with the group date rose and now they’re headed to Canada to meet Kaitlyn’s family.  
4. *Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer, CA – The preview for tonight’s episode shows us she brings Chris home to meet the family. That’s the good news. The preview also reveals that she strips down her past (pun intended) and tells Chris about the nude modeling she did. It’s not that I think Chris will have a problem with it. It’s that I think he will have a problem with what it might do to his “good ole homeboy” image if he chooses her.  
5. Britt, 27, Waitress, CA – Last night was not good for Britt. After not getting the rose on the group date, she word vomited onto Chris about how her feelings were hurt… in front of Kaitlyn and Carly. Chris was taken aback and it’s clear that the once strong relationship is on rocky ground now. It doesn’t help that Britt really can’t see herself living in Arlington, Iowa (hey, they’ve got nice sunsets!). Goodbye #TeamBritt. I was never truly on board.
6. Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer, TX – Carly broke a cardinal rule of The Bachelor last night. Never use your one-on-one time with the bachelor himself to rat out another girl (in this case, Britt). She may be doing Chris a favor in the long term (she wasn’t wrong about Britt) but she’s not advancing her relationship with Chris at all by shooting the breeze about Britt’s tendency to bend the truth. Despite her sharp wit in some humorous confessionals, Carly’s relationship with Chris is in treble.

Bachelor Power Rankings - Week 7 - "The Return of Prince Farming"

Boom. Chris dropped the hammer Thor style last week and took out 4 girls without batting a fake Ashley I. eyelash. Samantha (who?) and Mackenzie (the resident Bachelor baby) were sent packing in the rose ceremony carryover from the "to be continued episode" and Ashley I. and Kelsey were sent home during a 2-on-1.

If you missed "The Bachelor Five" from last week (our take on the five most important things you missed on last week's episode), be sure to check that out here and then check out this week's updated Power Rankings below.

The Badlands immediately after Ashley I.'s tears watered the barren dirt.

With four eliminations last week, we still have lucky number 7 girls left and Chase remains ever so slightly in the lead 216-213.

SPECIAL NOTE: Since there is brand new episode TOMORROW NIGHT (Best. Weekend. Ever.), there will be no 4 Sentence Recap and "The Bachelor Five" tomorrow. Instead, we will have updated rankings and analysis of the remaining girls and an updated score posted TOMORROW on the blog in the early afternoon so be sure to check back here for that. The 4 Sentence Recap for both episodes and "The Bachelor Five" will follow Tuesday.

The Rules: We will rank the remaining Bachelor contestants. Points will be awarded each week based on how well each of us predicts the contestants going home. For example, if Josh puts CONTESTANT A in spot 7 and Chase puts CONTESTANT A in spot 10 and CONTESTANT A goes home, Josh will get 7 points and Chase will get 10.

The winner will be based on the player with the most cumulative points at the end of the season (this ain't golf, folks).

POWER 5: We will mark our Power 5 choices with a * so you can keep track of how well we predicted from the start. Chase now only has 2 in play (losing Jillian and Nikki in Week 4 and Kelsey last week). I'm also down to 2 after Tandra's exit in Week 2, Nikki's exit in Week 4 and Kelsey's exit last week.

NOTE: Chase and I do our rankings and analysis independently of one another. Any similarities in our commentary just means GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE, OKAY?

1. Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – Everything in me tells me to put Whitney in the top spot. My gut is Whitney will eventually occupy the top spot, but for now, as a protest to how much I like Becca, I will keep her at number 1. She had an excellent date and despite not ever riding a horse (can I call BS on that one?) she seemed more than confident on the horse…which makes me think Chris may have been thinking about Becca when “Save a Horse” came on later in the episode. She got the kiss and she’s got the fast track to the fantasy suite.
2. *Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – Whitney leapfrogs Jade this week. It was another week of Whitney just being Whitney. She appears to be the cornerstone that is holding the girls together as (relative) friends. She’s kind to everyone (maybe save Britt & Kelsey?) and Chris notices this. She was pretty angry over the Big & Rich ordeal, but wouldn’t you be, too? I think Whitney was really civil towards #GoneGirlKelsey despite confronting her. She’s even keeled, tactical, but also appears to have a heart. She and Chris are just a wonderful fit.
3. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC – Guys. This is the SAME girl that on the first night told Chris he could “plow my field anytime.” And she’s in my top 3 as we’re approaching hometown visits?! WHAT?! How?! Who? WHY?! I still don’t know if she fits. I just don’t know. But she still somehow continues to connect with Chris and defy the friendzoning. Canada, Standup.
4. *Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer, CA – In my first draft of this week’s power rankings, I had Jade ranked number 3. And then number 4. And then she tumbled all the way down to 5. But at the last minute, I decided to bump her up to 4. This scandalous photo thing is about to break things wide open. I can’t decide if Chris is going to be cool with it or if the suitcase removal intern is going to go get Jade’s suitcase immediately. Or she may just turn into a pumpkin. Which Chris probably would farm. His pick up line: Imma take you to the pumpkin patch.
5. Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer, TX – Carly absolutely killed it on that date. I was a little worried it would be one of those “this is what I do” dates, where it turns out that the person isn’t nearly as good at their profession as they claim to be. But Carly absolutely crushed it. Really good lyrics, great delivery, and way to cement herself for another week. For those interested, song lyrics are here.
6. Britt, 27, Waitress, CA – If there is one thing that’s clear, it is that Britt is Chris’ favorite. Despite getting the group date rose, making all the girls jealous and being way too cozy with Chris in front of everyone, Britt is staying at #6. I think the Iowa visit is going to really shake her confidence a bit as per the previews. I think there was an interesting foreshadowing moment with Ashley I. as Chris said he didn’t think she’d fit in Iowa and Ashley replied “You think Britt would?!” Foreshadowing, my friends. Foreshadowing.
7. Megan, 24, Make-up Artist, TN –Chris visited two of our nation’s most incredible national treasures with three of the most crazy girls on the show. I mean Megan is hilarious and Ashley I. was more than tolerable in her interview with Jimmy Kimmel. But still. How are you going to waste the Grand Canyon and the Badlands on Megan, Ashley I. and Kelsey? Also… to anyone that has been broken up with lately, it could be worse: you could’ve been stranded in the Badlands.

1. *Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – She needed the big date and boy did she knock it out of the park. She finally got a crack at Chris’ lips and totally scored a kiss. No attitude adjustment needed here. This girl is leading the pack.
2. Britt, 27, Waitress, CA – Ashley I. was mostly off her rocker but she was dead on when she asked if Chris honestly believed Britt was going to move to Iowa to live on the farm and shuck corn for a living. For now, Chris is infatuated with Britt. But unless she’s planning to write, direct and star in Field of Dreamz 2: More Fieldz, More Dreamz and Field of Dreamz 3: Bankrupt, and Field of Dreamz 4: The Final Dreamz, this girl isn’t budging from LA. I smell a second place finish for Britt.
3. Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer, TX – She stood out on the singing group date, because, you know, she can actually sing. Chris likes her. So do I. I’m guessing a Final Four finish for our charismatic choralist.
4. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC – She stood out on the singing group date, because, you know, she rapped a song instead of singing country like everyone else. Weird. But Chris seems to like her so she’s safe to the Final Four. The question is, will she “Mountie” Chris in the Fantasy Suite at Final 3? Only time will tell.
5. Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – Quiet last week but she's built up enough in reserve to keep that spark alive. Safe tonight. Beyond that? We will just have to see if she can implant herself permanently in Chris' life.
6. *Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer, CA – The preview said it all. This week, the naked truth comes out. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Google can help you out. Unfortunately for her, the info reveal spells goodbye for Jade.
7. Megan, 24, Make-up Artist, TN – Megan seems nice. But she's also dumb. Real dumb. And nice + dumb ≠ soul mate. As predicted all the way back in “The Bachelor Five” in Week 2, Megan, as the recipient of the first one-on-one date, has made it quite far. But I can’t see any scenario where she doesn’t go home this week. Goodbye, Megan. So happy you finally traveled out of the country to New Mexico. Perhaps one day, you can take a trip to Old Mexico. Just don't forget your passport for that one.

The Bachelor Five - Week 6 with Prince Farming

Finally. Four eliminations last night. And Chase and I were pretty much right on the money with who went home. Chase gained a single point this week and now leads 216-213. He won the week 76-75. With only 7 girls remaining, the Power Rankings crown is still very much up for grabs.

Artist rendering of Chris after bringing Britt back from Big & Rich concert and encountering the other ladies he totally ditched. 

The Four Sentence Recap

The week began where it left off last week with Kelsey sobbing on the floor when all of a sudden - POOF - she was perfectly fine all at once, laughing her evil laugh and stealing the last rose away from Samantha the Fashion Designer (just not meant to be in the fabric of Chris' life) and Mackenzie the Dental Assistant (no crown for you) who were both sent home. The remaining 9 traveled to Deadwood, South Dakota where Becca (more on her below) got the week’s one-on-one date and a rose despite totally abandoning their pack donkey on their (decently) romantic horseback ride. 6 of the girls got time with one hit wonder Big& Rich and got the chance to write/perform original country songs (or rap in Kaitlyn's case because you know, Canada or something) on a group date before Chris awkwardly singled out Britt and made the other five girls feel worse than they already did when they agreed to appear on The Bachelor. The Bachelor producers saved the best for last with an epic showdown a 2-on-1 date in the Badlands featuring Kelsey the Guidance Counselor (no letter of recommendation for her!) and Ashley I. the Freelance Journalist (sadly we'll never get that double confirmation on your virginity) before Chris wised up and sent them both packing (and by packing I mean taking the only mode of transportation and TOTALLY LEAVING THEM ABANDONED THERE TO FIGHT TO THE DEATH find a way back to wherever The Bachelor producers dumped their suitcases).

The Bachelor Five

The Five Things You Need to Know About Last Night's Episode

5. Becca FTW – I’ll admit. I was once on the Kelsey train. But since that locomotive jumped the tracks, destroyed a small population of endangered animals, fell into a gorge and exploded into a fiery mess, I’m glad I disembarked last week. I’m now fully backing the Becca Express. Next stop, Chris’ heart. Or probably more accurately, America’s, as I’m confident she will be named the next Bachelorette. She’s simply the exact opposite of most of the girls still around and Chris is finally taking notice. This week, they locked lips for the first time and Becca was rightly shy about sharing that on national TV (though, in all honesty, what did she expect coming on the show?). This girl is cool and I’m putting my money squarely behind her.

4. Uneven Episodes – There is something comforting about a routine. It’s easy, you know exactly what you are going to get and you can just sink right into it (much like one of those bean bag chairs everyone had in college). But these past two weeks have been anything BUT routine and it’s throwing me off. Last week, we had someone returning for a second chance (Jordan who?) and then no rose ceremony and then a TO BE CONTINUED. I thought for sure that Week 6 would be a return to equilibrium. Instead we were treated to the carryover rose ceremony from last week at the beginning and then two non-rose ceremony eliminations to close out the episode. And now next week, we have two episodes (one on Sunday night and one on Monday night), one is (at least partly?) a “Chris Tells All," Kelsey maybe makes an appearance in the “Chris Tells All” to defend herself (?) and oh don't mind Chris just taking the ladies to Iowa to meet his family (?) and share best practices for shucking (with 7 ladies, how could he resist?). Frankly, it's all very disorienting. Can we just get back to our Bachelor routine? Supremely awkward dates followed by rose ceremonies in exotic locations. But speaking of exotic locations…   

3. The Bachelor Budget Slash – At this point in past seasons, The Bachelor would have taken us halfway around the world. Instead with Chris and his remaining ladies, we haven’t even made it halfway across the United States. What is going on? It could be that Chris can never be more than a couple hours from the harvest (the perfect ear of corn requires serious commitment). It could be that Kelsey is on the no-fly list. But more likely it’s that the budget for this season was cut in half. And at this point we have to keep our fingers crossed that we get a finale on an exotic beach and not somewhere along the Mississippi River.

2. Big & Rich & Country Originals – In case you didn't know before last night, Chris is a farmer and loves all things country. And by default, that includes country music. Obviously The Bachelor producers wanted to capitalize here. But since The Bachelor "talent" budget only has three dollars, some dryer lint and a button left, the best they were able to do when it came to securing country musicians on the show was booking Big & Rich (yes, the “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” folks). But instead of just playing some music and collecting their paycheck (complete with lint and button), they helped the ladies write "original" country songs. This of course led to some truly awful singing (save for Carly and sort of Britt) and, you guessed it, tone deaf Chris smiling ear to ear. Snooze. Let's chalk this up to another in a long line of seriously awful dates we've had to endure this season.   

1. Epic Desert Showdown – I have to give it to the producers. They really saved the best for last in last night's episode with what can only be described as the most uncomfortable 20 minutes of television since we watched Carly and Chris with the Santa Fe Love Guru... last week. Everything about this 2-on-1 date to the Badlands with Kelsey and Ashley I. was awkward. From Chris smashed between the two crazies in the helicopter to the rock hard four-poster bed set up in the middle of the mostly dirt National Park to Chris totally throwing Ashley I. under the bus to the most epic stare down in reality TV history, this was pretty much perfect for us the viewers. And at the end of it all, Chris mercifully sent both of the women home, leaving the 2-on-1 date rose to rot in the dirt (probably). But the best part about this showdown was the reaction of the ladies back in the hotel. @TheFakeBachelor summed it up best:

Bachelor Power Rankings - Week 6 - "The Return of Prince Farming"

So last week, not a single person was eliminated (boo) and instead we got a TO BE CONTINUED just before the rose ceremony. But with Kelsey on the floor and the other girls in shock, we are likely in for a doozy this week now that we've finally made it to Monday (YAY).

If you missed "The Bachelor Five" from last week (our take on the five most important things you missed on last week's episode), be sure to check that out here and then check out this week's updated Power Rankings below.

Ashley I. (pictured center) in a yearbook photo from North Shore High School.

With no eliminations last week, we still have 11 girls left and Chase remains in the lead 140-138.

WEEK 6 SPECIAL RULES: We will rank the remaining Bachelor contestants. This week, both the rankings for Week 5 and Week 6 will determine the score. Each of us had the opportunity to re-rank this week based on the Week 5 episode. If I had CONTESTANT A in spot 7 in Week 5 and re-ranked her in spot 10 this week and CONTESTANT A goes home, I will be awarded 17 points. Similarly if Chase had CONTESTANT A in spot 10 in Week 5 and re-ranked her to spot 11 this week and CONTESTANT A goes home tonight, Chase will receive 21 points. To make it easier for you, the loyal readers, we will put each woman's ranking from last week (LW) in parentheticals below.

The winner at the end of the season will awarded to the player with the most points (this ain't golf, folks).

POWER 5: We will mark our Power 5 choices with an * so you can keep track of how well we predicted from the start. Chase has 3 in play (losing Jillian and Nikki in Week 4). I'm also down to 3 after Tandra's exit in Week 2 and Nikki's in Week 4.

NOTE: Chase and I do our rankings and analysis independently of one another. Any similarities in our commentary just means GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE, OKAY?  

1. Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA (LW - 1) – The updated rankings this week following last week’s most dramatic ever To Be Continued episode, present a unique challenge. Many of our potentially crazy wonderful Bachelor contestants did no harm this past week. So my top slots are staying very similar this week… The bottom 5 is where it starts to get fun.
2. *Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL (LW - 3) – No major news from Whitney, besides the fact that she’s apparently a really nice person. She wasn't all about the return of Jordan, but she was very nice all the same. The little spat that Ashley I. and Whitney got into was entertaining, but it’s clear that Whitney is an adult. Whitney—at 29—is the closest to Chris’ age besides Kaitlyn (also 29) and Carly (also also 29). This is becoming more and more apparent every week.
3. *Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer, CA (LW - 2) – At this point in the season, other contestants have to have found out about Jade’s career path, right? She can’t just be telling them all that she “models for a website” and none of the girls have drunkenly asked for more info. I have to think that information comes out at some point and when it does, maybe an EMT can be on site for any pending panic attacks.
4. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC (LW - 4) – I really like Kaitlyn, but the more I think about it, I just don’t see Kaitlyn with Chris. Call it a hunch, but I just don’t see it. I think Chris eventually friend-zones her. Also - in all seriousness: Kaitlyn technically had to use her passport to get to New Mexico.
5. Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer, TX (LW - 5) – Chris isn’t sending Carly home because that would be the worst thing he could possibly do. “Hey. Let’s go on an awkward sex guru date…oh by the way…no rose next week. Tempted to jump Carly into my top 4 for her ridiculously good attitude about the worst reality TV show date ever, but I like my top 4 too much to make that plunge.
6. Megan, 24, Make-up Artist, TN (LW - 7) – All episode long last week, I just kept thinking about how amazing this show would be if we still had Ashley S. Megan is doing her best to keep the non-ImmaKillYou crazy alive, with her terrible geography skills, but it just isn't the same without you Ashley S. Megan jumps over Britt this week because she takes showers.
7. Britt, 27, Waitress, CA (LW - 6) – I’ve taken the opportunity this past week to ask every girl I know if they 1) Shower and 2) Wear make up to bed. It has been a rough week for me as I’ve been slapped every time I’ve asked. All seriousness, though... what the what? Her free hugs suddenly smell a lot worse. She’s not going anywhere this week, though. That said, she drops a spot because that’s gross.
8. Ashley I., 26, Freelance Journalist, NJ (LW - 10) – Strangely enough, Ashley I. is moving up this week in my power rankings. Not because she’s any more normal or has any more of a chance, but simply because she didn’t do anything to get herself kicked out. She’s all drama, all tears…but Chris needs to weed out others prior to her departure. And she’s a virgin.
9. Mackenzie, 21, Dental Assistant, WA (LW - 11) – Chris: “I raise vegetables on the farm.” Mackenzie: “I raise Kale.”
10. Samantha, 27, Fashion Designer, CA (LW - 8) – I got pretty excited about Samantha during this past week’s episode for one reason: she said something. It wasn’t really anything substantial, but she’s no longer tied with me for “total words said on The Bachelor”. I’m dropping her down a notch because I think she has to get the obligatory boot soon. She’s too irrelevant (and probably too normal?) to last much longer.
11. *Kelsey, 28, Guidance Counselor, TX (LW - 9) –Holy Gone Girl. It was even worse than the previews teased. She went full on crazy. Not that psycho obsessed cute “oh my gosh I want to have all your children even though I just met you” type way…but that “I blog about The Bachelor and even I locked my doors a little tighter last Monday night.” I was on board with her until the “I love my story” comment. It isn’t that I even mind the comment—there is beauty in accepting and loving what has made you the person you are—but the manipulative, conniving tone is what struck the chord. I think she goes home this week and I hope that her late-husband’s family has peace.

1. Britt, 27, Waitress, CA (LW - 5) – Britt wants to have 100 kids. I feel as if this might get in the way of her acting job as a waitress but at least she and Chris may have gotten a head start with their “nap” last week.
2. Carly, 29, Cruise Ship Singer, TX (LW - 6) – Oof. She got gypped with the worst one-on-one date of the season ("Santa Fe Love Guru") but she managed to turn things around with Prince Farming and snag the rose. She started breaking down towards the latter part of the episode (in true Bachelor fashion!) but this confident crooner is safe for a while.
3. Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL (LW - 4) – Chris digs Whitney. And she actually went up a notch in my book after taking the high road when Jordan (again, who?) returned last week for a second chance. Her maturity in the situation was apparent when contrasted with Ashley I. If only she didn’t sound like an infant when she spoke.
4. Kaitlyn, 29, Dance Instructor, BC (LW - 1) – I can just see it now. John Green is commissioned to write the epic love story of Chris the Farmer from Iowa and Kaitlyn the Dance Instructor from Canada. Ok-eh? Ok-eh.
5. *Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer, CA (LW - 2) – It seems the magic from Jade’s Cinderella inspired date is lasting but will it wear off when the clock strikes midnight? Only time will tell. LOL. Oh man that was so corn-y (pun intended).
6. *Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA (LW - 3) – I still think Becca is the virgin who makes it to the fantasy suite but she hasn’t had any real time with Chris yet. Until then, she’s hanging around the middle of the pack. But I fully expect her to break out soon.
7. Ashley I., 26, Freelance Journalist, NJ (LW - 11) – Time is running out for the mean girl from New Jersey. I’m only ranking her higher than last week because the previews indicated she would be around for a little while longer.
8. Megan, 24, Make-up Artist, TN (LW - 7) – They say the person you marry should complement you. Unfortunately for Megan, dumb + dumber = a real-life version of Harry& Lloyd. Chris needs someone who can multiply in their head and pairing with Megan is not a winning combination.
9. Mackenzie, 21, Dental Assistant, WA (LW - 8) – No. Just no. For some added perspective on their age difference (friendly reminder - TWELVE YEARS), Chris was enjoying the antics at Bayside High before MACKENZIE WAS EVEN BORN. What if Chris wants to have a friendly dinner conversation about Kelly Kapowski or giant cell phones? Good luck buddy.
10. Samantha, 27, Fashion Designer, CA (LW - 10) – SHE SPEAKS. A whole 14 words. But since none of those were even remotely directed towards Chris, I’m still not convinced he knows who she is.
11. *Kelsey, 28, Guidance Counselor, TX (LW - 9) – In case you didn’t pick up on it last week, this girl is actually crazy. If Chris doesn’t dump her this week… well that would actually be pretty typical of The Bachelor.