The Bachelor Five - THE FINALE with Prince Farming

That's it, folks. We started with 30 women and Chris narrowed it to one last night, choosing Whitney to be his next ex future bride over Becca. Both Chase and I predicted a Whitney victory (Chase even had her as one of his POWER 5 before the first episode kicked off) and the final score stands: Chase - 245 and Josh - 241.

Thanks to everyone for reading throughout the season. We'll be back in May for The Bachelorette!

Me during most of last night's episode.

The Four Sentence Recap

It was down to two women – Whitney and Becca – and both made the long trek from Bali to a beautiful resort in the Caribbean snowy Iowa (ummm, okay?) to meet the Soules family. Whitney made a dynamite impression (especially the Soules sisters) while Becca made a pretty okay impression and Chris remained torn between the two even after their final dates (Whitney harvested corn and Becca got a sketchy late night visit in case you were wondering). In the end, he sent Becca packing because she couldn’t say I love you and commit to moving to a desolate town after ~37 total hours of dating and proposed to Whitney in his childhood barn (it’s cool because he raised a pig there!) that was decorated with hay, stained glass windows and approximately 1,300 candles (in case you didn’t know, Chris is a farmer). The After the Final Rose special gave us Chris and Becca together (and it was actually super boring and unemotional), brought together the “happy” couple for a reunion, gave us appearances from Ashley S., Jimmy Kimmel and Juan Pablo the Cow and finally announced that both Britt and Kaitlyn would be dueling Bachelorettes for the upcoming season(UGH BRITT?! NO! ANYONE BUT BRITT!!).

The Bachelor Five
The Five Things You Need to Know About Last Night's Episode

5. The Sisters – Both Whitney and Becca met the entirety of the Soules family (who are also, not surprisingly, ¼ of the population in Arlington, Iowa). But the people who had the biggest sway? Chris’ three sisters. We haven’t seen sisters this powerful since the Sanderson Sisters were resurrected in Salem, MA. They outwardly preferred Whitney from the get go. And that was all the foreshadowing we needed to know that Becca never really stood a chance.

4. Finale in Iowa – Is there a more romantic location than a barn in the middle of nowhere for a proposal? There sure is. Spin the globe, put your finger down and you’ve got a more romantic spot. Finger stops in the middle of the ocean? Great! Who doesn’t love a proposal on the water?? Let’s be honest – the simple fact that the closest hotel to Arlington, Iowa was located more than an hour away in Dubuque should have been a red flag for producers. Don’t they know we love exotic locations and an excess of wine??? Target. Audience. Fail.

3. Nice and Steady Now – Sure Whitney won The Bachelor crown, but the real revelation was Becca. She was both sensible and articulate in her discussion with his family (not to mention the fact that she was killing it with the comedy routine at the Soules’ dinner table). Her main hesitation in her relationship with Chris was that she needed more time before she said I love you and moved to Arlington, Iowa for the rest of her life. The crazy thing (or maybe not so crazy thing if you are at all familiar with the show) is that everyone on the show HELD THIS AGAINST HER. Case in point:

2. Cameos FTW – The After the Final Rose special was pretty much a snooze whenever the focus was on Prince Farming. But thankfully we got a cameo from Ashley S. (the queen of The Bachelor who “supposes” she will appear on Bachelor in Paradise – which was the greatest news we got all night) and a cameo from Jimmy Kimmel (a much needed but much too late appearance) who brought a gift of a cow for Whitney and Chris (aptly named Juan Pablo). The fact that these two moments were the highlight of the three hour show should give you an idea of how boring the first two and a half hours were.

1. Two Is Better than One? – So The Bachelor saved its biggest twist for the very end – and it had almost nothing to do with this season of The Bachelor. It was announced that both Britt and Kaitlyn would be next season’s Bachelorette. Wait, what? By now, pretty much everyone has stated their opinion of the twist. And the popular consensus is that NO ONE LIKES THIS IDEA. I’ll keep it brief. Britt is the worst and this is a terrible plan. So will I be watching? You better believe it. See you in May, Bachelor Nation!

Bachelor Power Rankings - Week 10 - "The Return of Prince Farming"

This is it. The final countdown. The final Power Rankings of the season. Two women enter. One women leaves with a ring and Prince Farming on her arm. The other leaves in an unmarked limo and tears in her eyes.

If you missed "The Four Sentence Recap" and "The Bachelor Five" from last week's Women Tell All episode, check that out here and then find our final Power Rankings below.

Gob knows what's up.

Now for this week’s rankings. Chase wrapped up this season's crown two weeks ago (his third consecutive victory) and leads by 4. The current score heading into tonight's final episode is: Chase - 243, Josh - 239. 

By now you know the rules. So let's skip that and get straight to it.

POWER 5: We will mark our Power 5 choices with a * so you can keep track of how well we predicted from the start. Each of us has a POWER 5 pick in the final two. 

Pretty amazing considering we didn't know anything about the girls other than their bios on abc.com before the season started.

POWER RANKINGS

1. *Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – It's hard to believe that the season – no, the pursuit of love, is coming to an end... but it's here. Whitney is going to have a ring on her finger this evening from our favorite fearless leader, Chris (with help from Neil Lane, of course). The entire season, Whitney has been above the fray. She's taken the mature approach and she hasn't been catty. She's crashed a wedding and damn it, she has a mural in Des Moines. The only thing left to discuss is what we'll call Chris and Whitney once they are married: Chritney or Whitnis?
2. Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – Becca has been one of my favorites all season long. She's occupied my top ranking for a majority of the season. Truth be told, if I was choosing who I WANT Chris to pick, rather than who I think he will, I’d go with Becca. I think at the end of the day, the age difference is relatively significant and Chris is looking for someone that's closer to his "walk of life." Becca has a lot of awesome things in front of her – she seems like too good of a person not to be met with success and love. I'd watch The Bachelorette with Becca, but something tells me this is the last we're seeing of her on reality TV.

1. Whitney, 29, Fertility Nurse, IL – As much as I want to pick Becca as this season’s winner (she was one of my POWER 5 picks, after all), I’m officially predicting Whitney that Whitney walks away with a Neil Lane diamond. The fertility nurse from Chicago has done everything right to win Chris’ heart. Whitney’s stayed above the fray (read: Ashley I.) and seems to have made a genuine connection with Chris (was the wedding crashing date foreshadowing their own wedding?). Will she actually give up her career to live in a place with 400-500 people (depending on who you ask)? HELL NO. This relationship is doomed. But for 10 glorious minutes, Prince Farming will make us all believe in contractually obligated true love as he drops down on one knee in a barn in the middle of a snowy cornfield in the middle of FREAKING NOWHERE (ironically, the perfect setting for a horror film) and pops the question to Whitney.
2. *Becca, 25, Chiropractic Assistant, CA – I really like Becca. She’s nice, genuine and has kept her cool throughout all of the ridiculous(ly amazing) drama this season. But she just hasn’t made the connection (at least that the editors have shown) that Whitney has. Add to that the fact that the preview reveals she isn’t in love with Chris yet (which would make moving from hopping California to snoozefest Arlington, Iowa a bit difficult). It was a shock that Chris kept her over Kaitlyn. It would be a bigger shock if she took The Bachelor crown. The good news for Becca (since it seems my one man campaign to make her The Bachelorette is falling short thanks to Kaitlyn’s popularity) is that she's only 25 and knows the best way to utilize Uber’s services. Her priorities are in the right place. For now, she shouldn't sweat the loss (is it really a loss?) and just kick back and enjoy life.

The Bachelor Five - Week 9 - Women Tell All Special

No rose ceremonies and no exotic trips to South Dakota this week. Instead, we were treated to the Women Tell All where some of your favorite contestants were contractually obligated volunteered to return to face each other and Prince Farming.

Chase and I will be back with our final Power Rankings next week ahead of the live 3 hour season finale of The Bachelor next Monday.

The Four Sentence Recap*

17 of the ladies returned to talk trash to each other, yell, snot in Chris Harrison’s ridiculously expensive handkerchief, and confront Prince Farming as he awkwardly shat his pants in fear sat on the hot seat. We got no closer to figuring out who Chris will choose as his bride because last night was all glorious filler. And, as many pointed out on Twitter, this pretty accurately sums up everything you missed:

An actor's interpretation of the ladies during the Women Tell All

*That fourth sentence can just take this week off.

The Bachelor Five
The Five Things You Need to Know About Last Night's Episode

5. The Randos – Lots of Chris’ eliminated contestants appeared on last night’s Women Tell All. Not all because likely, even the producers forgot some of the girls’ names. Chances are, you recognized about half of the women. Thankfully, the half we all recognized did most of the talking, yelling and crying. And yet, for some inexplicable reason, some of the randos who were eliminated back before anyone was really invested decided that they needed to stir up a little trouble. And so, Trina (who?) decided to shove her opinion down our throats multiple times. No thanks. @BachelorBurnBook said what we were all thinking:

BURN.

4. Haters Gonna Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate – Hot damn. Some of those girls were laying into Kelsey during her time in the hot seat. Don’t get me wrong – I definitely think Kelsey is Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. But Ashley I. suggested that Kelsey made up the story that she had a husband and he died an unexpected death. That's a low blow. Even for The Bachelor. It just solidifies what I already thought about Ashley I. – girl is HURTING for a spot on Bachelor in Paradise.

3. Cool as the Other Side of the Pillow – You probably noticed that Kaitlyn kept her head above the shrapnel of pointed words being hurled around the set of last night’s Women Tell All. The only time she really spoke up was when she was in the hot seat with Chris Harrison or when she was addressing Prince Farming himself. Classic play. This girl is the front runner for The Bachelorette according to multiple reports. She had to find a way to stay in America's hearts. And stay in our hearts she did. By keeping her cool, she’s likely going to end up back in Bachelor mansion as The Bachelorette instead of on a beach in Bachelor in Paradise.

2. All of the Tears – Get it together ladies. There were so many tears spilled last night I could have sworn production was screening Marley and Me just off camera. There was crying after re-watching “journeys.” There was crying when accusations were flying. There was crying when Chris did nothing but walk onto the stage (I suppose losing that “body by Cody” must be really tough). It was all a bit much. After all, they were crying over a guy who can’t even string together a coherent set of sentences.

1. Ashley S. for President of Bachelor Nation– The world rejoiced when Ashley S. returned to television last night. She was just as loopy as when she was still a contestant on the show. She repeated previous brilliance when she uttered her famous catch phrase “Like boom.” She spouted incredible truths such as “I was just so bored” in response to why she interrupted The Bachelor accounting department during filming. And she spoke with such eloquence when she asked Chris Harrison, “Isn’t it crazy that we’re on TV now?” Now we wait with bated breath to see if she will, in fact, return for Bachelor In Paradise. Not convinced of Ashley S.’s amazingness? Don’t just take our word for it: