 |
| Your Bachelorette this season, ladies and gents. |
And you know what that means – Chase and I are back at it again (with the white Vans) with our weekly Power Rankings of the men competing this season (i.e. who we think has the best chance, week to week, to win JoJo’s heart). But since there are so many guys to start, we are previewing the season with our POWER 5.
We'll be back next week with our first set of Power Rankings and an explanation of the competition rules for all of you newbies.
But for now, the POWER 5. For those of you not familiar from previous seasons, the POWER 5 are the five men each of us thinks has the best shot at making the actual final 5. We have a pretty good track record and both of us usually get one or two right. So this season, we wanted to add something a little bit more fun.
Normally, the rankings are based on the bios ABC provides before the season. We will continue to do that. Those picks will be known as our DEEP DIVE POWER 5.
But this season, we are trying something a little trickier. We will simply look at the photos of the men that ABC has provided and choose what we are calling the TINDER POWER FIVE (copyright, Chase). We will attempt to "swipe right" the final five men of the season using nothing but the contestant photos and their names. Should be interesting.
And just to be upfront, neither of us read spoilers. Remember - spoilers suck.
We’ll get into scoring the DEEP DIVE POWER FIVEs and TINDER POWER FIVEs next week when we go over the rules of the rest of the competition. So without further ado, here are our picks:
TINDER POWER 5
Chad
Give a guy some hair gel, light facial hair and some pomade
and you’re in the Bachelor Power Rankings Tinder POWER 5.
Chase
Honestly, I picked Chase without even knowing his name was
Chase.
Grant
Y’all. At first glance I thought this was the ‘mug shot model.’ It isn’t. Maybe next season.
James S.
Part goober. Part best friend from down the street. James S.
just might have it all.
Luke
This guy could almost certainly be a creep with no
personality. Or he could be the winner. But probably the former, not the
latter.
DEEP DIVE POWER 5
Chad, 28, Luxury Real Estate Agent
I really didn’t want to include Chad, but WHAT IF he actually is the Chad? What if the producers of this glorious television show didn’t actually make up the ex-boyfriend named Chad from last season? What if they cast him? WHAT IF HE IS A HUNK THAT ACTUALLY LOVES THE NOTEBOOK? These questions lingered through the my arduous decision making process and have led me to include him in my POWER 5.
Chase, 27, Medical Sales Rep
Let’s start with the most obvious. After years of watching people with standard names dominate the search for love on reality TV, we’ve finally broken through: Chase is on The Bachelorette. For the record, this is Chase’s competition to lose. He’s a medical sales rep with a lion tattoo on his left rib. I like his chances early on.
Jordan, 27, Former Pro Quarterback
Former professional quarterbacks have a history of success on this glorious television franchise. Word on the street is that this guy has a pretty famous brother, so look for a repeat of Josh Murray’s run from Andi’s season. And y’all his answer to the wildest thing he’s ever done in the bedroom is certifiably hilarious. (And totally safe to read while you’re at work. Go look at it now.)
Nick S., 26, Software Salesman
I don’t really feel good about this pick. Or really any of my picks, truthfully. But something about Nick S. feels right. Maybe that he isn’t Nick V.? I scrolled past Nick S. originally, but found myself coming back to him. Maybe it is his dreamy eyes. OR THE FACT THAT HE CHASED A DAMN MOUNTAIN LION. Either way. Nick is my dark horse pick for the season. Actually, that’s Sal. Okay. I have 2 dark horses.
Sal, 28, Operations Manager
I’m basing this on one thing and one thing only: his answer to his 3 items on an island. Cell Phone, Air Conditioner and a Gun. I live in Texas these days and have learned just how much my fellow Texas residents enjoy air conditioners and guns. JoJo, a Texan, would almost certainly agree.
TINDER POWER 5
Chase
Pros: Great name, perfectly coiffed hair, impressive smile. Cons: Strange v-neck, dazed gaze into the distance, largest forehead in human history.
Derek
He’s giving me Shawn B. vibes in his photo (the winner of Kaitlyn’s season) so despite his smarmy name (sorry to all the Dereks who read this blog), I’m going to give him a spot.
James Taylor
If he can croon like the real James Taylor, he might make JoJo forget all about the unfortunate Andrew Luck neck-beard he’s rocking.
Wells
Odd name but I’m looking at the outfit which is so different from the other contestants, you can’t help but wonder if he will stand out in a good way for JoJo.
Will
He’s got a bit of a dopey look and a v-neck bordering on a scoop neck but there’s something about his picture that makes me think he’s going far.
DEEP DIVE POWER 5
Jordan, 27, Former Pro Quarterback
Jordan lists humor as one of his best attributes. While this normally makes me wary, he doesn’t disappoint in his answers. Not only does he pick The Princess Bride as one of his favorite movies (excellent choice), he has hands down the best response I’ve ever read for the “wildest thing you’ve done in the bedroom” question. His answer: “Try to hang a TV on the wall without directions or a stud finder.” If he’s half as funny in real life, he could be a real contender.
Luke, 31, War Veteran
Let’s get this out of the way, first. Dude looks BUSTED in his cast photo. But maybe he just sucks at taking pictures. Based on one of the only video previews we have for the season, he rides in on night 1 on a “unicorn.” That takes guts. It’s terribly cheesy but a serious contender can always overcome a night 1 faux pas of this proportion. The good news – It allows him to naturally drop the “Oh I ride horses – I’m from Texas.” line that leaves JoJo super curious for more. This is a longshot but I’m doubling down.
Nick S., 26, Software Salesman
Here’s the deal. This guy has a look that screams “D-BAG.” He’s wearing a bandana around his neck (?!) in his cast photo. But if you look closely at his responses, he has attributes that are clear musts for a contestant that wants to make it far. 1. Vague career: check (software salesman). 2. Good movie choice: check (The Sandlot). 3. Wants to be a dad: check (he wants many, many kids). If he impresses on the first night, he’s going far.
Sal, 28, Operations Manager
I honestly don’t know anyone named Sal. Will JoJo want to marry a “Sal?” Hard to say. What if people think she's marrying a "Sally?" But he does seem pretty normal (the most outrageous thing he’s done is egg a teacher’s house). And he seems to dislike the Kardashians, which is a huge plus from me. Perhaps it will be with JoJo as well.
Wells, 31, Radio DJ
Pros: He seems well traveled and adventurous (a must for the outrageous “dates” contestants endure throughout the season). He seems to have a real job (radio DJ). He lists a pretty fun date as a “great first date” (tacos, wine and cheese on the porch, a walk around the city). He’s looking to settle down (he’s 31 and wants kids in 5 years).
Cons: He doesn’t like pizza. I REPEAT. HE DOESN’T LIKE PIZZA. Pizza. Also known as the greatest food item in the world. The only upside to this SERIOUS con is that he is self-aware enough to know this it's f***ing weird that he doesn't like pizza.
