Monday, May 26, 2014

The Bachelorette - Week 2 Power Rankings!

Andi began her journey towards "love" last week and boy, it didn't disappoint. A slew of suitors descended upon Bachelorette Mansion in an attempt to steal Andi's heart from the grasp of her overprotective yet totally sane father. 25 men began and only 19 remained after the first night in the mansion. It's tough to care too much about people we've only seen for an hour and a half so we won't spend time on reminiscing about those who lost their chance at love with Andi. But suffice it to say that we can ALL be happy Andi said goodbye to the doctor with the world's creepiest haircut

So how did the points shake out after the first week? At the end of Week 1, Chase has taken a dominating lead over Josh. Chase is sitting pretty on top with 100 points, while Josh trails with 85 (Josh made a disastrous Week 1 move by putting Emil - who turned out to be a total dud - in his Power 5). Josh avoided total implosion by winning Twist #2 from last week (Josh ranked Nick V. - the surprise winner of the first impression rose - higher than Chase for an additional 5 points).


Duuuuuuude. You didn't quite cut it with Andi.

Without further ado, here's a recap of the rules followed by our updated rankings and quick insight of ALL remaining 19 men. As a note for those readers following along at home, Chase and Josh's remaining Power 5 will be marked with an asterisk for the rest of the season so you can see where the first impression picks shake out.

The Contest: Two guys (Josh and Chase) who have no business ranking The Bachelorette contestants rank the contestants. We predict who is safe and who is going home in the upcoming episode of The Bachelorette and provide our expert analysis.

The Rules: Josh and Chase will rank the remaining Bachelorette contestants. Points will be awarded each week based on how well Josh and Chase predict the contestants going home. For example, if Josh puts a contestant in spot 7 and Chase puts her in spot 10 and that person goes home, Josh will get 7 points and Chase will get 10.


The winner (the person with the most points) at the end of the season must purchase flowers for the winning player's mother.


The Power 5 - Josh and Chase have each chosen five contestants who they think will go the furthest this season based solely on the information provided on ABC.com in advance of the premiere. Each person's Power 5 will remain the same for the duration of the show regardless of elimination. For every Power 5 pick in the actual final 5 contestants, each player will receive 5 additional points. 

And to put your worried minds at ease, Chase wants everyone to know we are still both here for the right reasons.



1.* Josh M29, a former professional baseball player from Atlanta, GA - After week one, Josh M is my front-runner. The “neighbor” card was brilliant since they share Atlanta as their hometown. And let’s be serious: Who doesn’t love a former baseball player?

2.* Chris32, a farmer from Arlington, IA Chris got off to a somewhat slow start, but the guy has charm. I think that his Midwestern values will connect well with Andi’s southern routes. Think Shrimp & Grits meet corn-fed steak and the Mississippi River.

3.* Marcus, 25, a sports medicine manager from Dallas, TX - Marcus rounded out my top 5 and he moves up a bit this week. He seems easy going, clicked well with Andi isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

4. Marquel, 26, a sponsorship salesman from Las Vegas, NV - I mean, the cookies? I may have to steal that in my on-going courtship efforts. Scratch that, I may have already used that since last Monday’s episode. 

5.* Eric, an explorer from Citrus Heights, CA - Eric impressed in the first week. I couldn’t help but continue to feel horrible for this tragedy. Eric truly seems like a good guy and I think he’ll end up being around for a good portion of the season. 

6. Nick S., 27, a professional golfer from Kissimmee, FL - I’ve got the other (former) professional athlete ranked highly, so why not Nick? I think Nick S. finds his stroke this week & continues his run. And I want an excuse to use the term “hole-in-one” before Josh uses it in this blog.

7. Carl, a firefighter from Fort Lauderdale, FL - I didn’t remember Carl, but a reputable source that was hanging out with me while I was writing this blog goes “Oh yeah- The Firefighter.” Apparently he made a better impression on others.

8. Nick V., 33, a software sales executive from Chicago, IL Yeah. I’m not even going to pretend to understand the first-impression rose. But the guy obviously made a connection with Andi securing him a spot on the show for several weeks to come.

9. Brian, 27, a basketball coach from Camp Hill, PA - There’s something charming about Brian. Not hugely memorable, but relatively normal, it seems. 

10. Ron, 28, a beverage sales manager from Memphis, TN - A guy named Ron poured me a beer this weekend.

11. Tasos, 30, a wedding event coordinator from Denver, CO - The lock thing was adorable. In my extensive Bachelor/Bachelorette watching experience, this is one of my favorites. Besides that, he hasn’t done anything to stand out and prove himself to be a mortal lock for advancing. 

12. JJ, 30, a pantsapreneur from San Francisco, CA - I’d buy pants from this guy. Anyone willing to call themselves a pantsapreneur has to be a decent guy, right? That said—Is he there for the right reasons?!

13. Patrick, 29, an advertising executive from Newport Beach, CA - Dude lists Drake, Foster the People and AWOLNATION as his favorite musical artists. Come on, man. 

14. Dylan, 26, an accountant from Boston, MA - I’m going to use this space to pay tribute to Emil. Who decided it’d be a good idea to explain how to say his name by using the word “Anal?” While it was an apt explanation, there’s no way that could’ve gone well. Here’s to you, Emil/Anal. 

15. Andrew, 30, a social media marketer from Culver City, CA - Meh.

16.* Bradley, 32, an opera singer from Holland, MI - I must say—as the defacto number one in my power 5, I was a bit worried about Bradley’s less-than-auspicious start. He broke out the opera voice and seemed to be a bit of an odd-ball, but he pulled through in the end. I think he’s my first power 5 to go home.

17. Cody, 28, a personal trainer from Chicago, IL - The guy could rattle off about 18 different ways to beat me into a pulp, but The Bachelorette isn’t about making bloggers into orange juice ingredients. This guy’s future on the show is limited. And I like my orange juice without pulp.

18. Craig, 29, a tax accountant from Denver, CO - Craig is the lesser of the 2 Iowans. No doubt. His bio says he dressed as a stripper for his uncle’s 50th birthday & that he puked on a girl on a date once. Seriously. The dude is weird.

19. Brett
, 29, a hairstylist from Westminster, PA - While the lamp was the least bit hilarious, this guy is weird. I’m shocked the mulleted-hairstylist made it past the first week.



1.* Josh M., 29, a former professional baseball player from Atlanta, GA - From his exit from the limo, it was clear Andi was smitten with Josh M.'s good looks. The fact the she eliminated the other Josh from the competition shows she means business with this guy.

2. Nick V., 33, a software sales executive from Chicago, IL - Based on looks alone, I wouldn't have guessed that Nick V. would receive the First Impression Rose. And yet, out of nowhere, he swooped in with comfortable conversation to steal Andi's heart on Night 1.

3.* Eric, 31, an explorer from Citrus Heights, CA - It's hard putting Eric this high on the list knowing what happens after he is eliminated from the competition but he clearly impressed Andi and there's no way he goes home yet.

4.* Marquel, 26, a sponsorship salesman from Las Vegas, NV - As Chandler Bing would say "Could his tie knot BE any bigger?" That said, he made a major impression with the cookies and based on the season preview, it looks like he is here to stay for a bit.

5. Chris, 32, a farmer from Arlington, IA - The dopey but sincere farmer from Iowa made a bigger impression than I would have thought possible based on his ridiculous cast photo. But it seems like Andi sees something in him and I think he's safe for a while. (There is no way he wins it all, though).

6. JJ, 30, a pantsapreneur from San Francisco, CA - How in the heck did I miss his "job" before Week 1 - a "pantsapreneur?" - I honestly thought this was an intern error. Nevertheless, he's here to stay - that is until Andi finds out about his job.

7. Andrew, 30, a social media marketer from Culver City, CA - This guy seems like he could become Bachelorette Mansion Public Enemy Number One with his smug attitude but I would bet anything Bachelorette Producers find a way to hide that from Andi as long as possible. I smell ratings gold!

8. Patrick, 29, an advertising executive from Newport Beach, CA - I don't know why but I have a hunch he will stick around for a while. My personal feelings on him - eh.

9.* Brian, 27, a basketball coach from Camp Hill, PA - If his picture were worth a thousand words, it would be more than this guy will probably speak the entire season. Other than Emil, this will probably go down as my worst Power 5 pick.

10. Marcus, 25, a sports medicine manager from Dallas, TX - Good looking picture and seemingly okay dude. Middle of the pack if I ever saw one. I still think the pro soccer thing will hurt more than help.

11. Carl, 30, a firefighter from Fort Lauderdale, FL - What can I say about you, Carl? No, literally I have no idea what to say about you. This isn't the worst thing since you haven't done anything egregious to stand out in a bad way but I wouldn't expect him to get the final rose.

12. Nick S., 27, a professional golfer from Kissimmee, FL - Lame-o entrance on a golf cart followed by him putting out front of the mansion with Andi leads me to believe this guy only talks about golf. Enjoy this week buddy - you won't be around much longer!

13. Ron, 28, a beverage sales manager from Memphis, TN - Totally average and normal guy. This does not bode well for Ron in the long run.

14. Tasos, 30, a wedding event coordinator from Denver, CO - The absolute biggest shock from Week 1 was the emergence of Tasos. I thought this guy had no shot whatsoever and yet, Andi was totally taken by him. It remains to be seen whether it's the real deal or whether he will end up in the friend zone but my guess is the latter.

15. Cody, 28, a personal trainer from Chicago, IL - Total meathead and 0% chance of winning this competition. But I can just see him hanging around for a while. Ugh.

16. Craig, 29, a tax accountant from Denver, CO - I know so little about you, which is why you are so low on this list. Nothing personal but I'm thinking he's going home soon (if not necessarily this week).

17. Brett, 29, a hairstylist from Westminster, PA - This guy didn't do anything particularly terrible the first night but you have to ask yourself - how long can Andi really put up with a guy who has a straight up mullet? "You have the worst remaining hair - goodbye!"

18. Dylan, 26, an accountant from Boston, MA - This guy made zero impression on me during the first episode. When I looked up his picture, I still didn't know who he was. Editing doesn't always give everything away but you have to ask yourself why the editors would spend little to no time with a guy unless he was going home soon.

19. Bradley, 32, an opera singer from Holland, MI - Even from just a couple of minutes on screen, can't you just tell this guy is a total turd? He was belting out opera on the first night - for all the guys. I can only hope Andi flushes this one out of here.


Questions? Opinions? Sound off in the comment section below!

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